Infrequently updated consistently funny

Thursday, July 19, 2007

When it rains it pours v.2.43

I love my folks, I am supposed to pick them up on Friday but I have NO CLUE when they arrive because everytime I ask Pops their arrival time the response I get is "Friday sometime, I will look it up and tell you" and peeps wonder where I get it from. Thing is, most peeps would be deterred by this or even get mad. I instead will just hop online and find every flight coming in from the rock to Orlando, factor in my Dad's unwillingnes to leave the island early in the morning and pick the right flight. Last 2 times I did this I guessed the right flight, until I fail that game I will continue to play it. Man I miss his old secretary, it was so comforting to just call her and have her tell me the itinerary (hope I spelled that right, I can never get that damn word) of any member of the family.

So I am the white (refuse to use black here)sheep of my generation of cousins (the family is large enough that there are 3 distinct generations of cousins) and as such am known as the corrupting force. My reputation was not helped by the fact that my only posting on the message board on the reunion website that has been up for ages was to ask peeps if they wanted to hit the clubs on Friday night. I know the reunion agenda says meet and greet, but my personal agenda says meet and drink.

You really should see our reunion site, over a hundred family members are expected, peeps from Australia to Macca bush, and they have actually decided to serve booze! The only flaw I find with family reunions is that for the entire time I am in a city that is having a reunion I refuse to hit on any girls in the city. I do not care if they blatantly look like an eskimo and have no way of being connected to my family I still refuse to chance it. I have over a hundred cousins on my mom's side (her reunion) and I have not met over 50 of them I WILL TAKE NO RISKS. I once warned my cousin (a teenager at the time) when we were both at the wedding of another cousin and he started to point out another teen that he thought was hot, my words to him were "Dude that's your cousin, we are at a family function, hit on no one here".
I will never end up on Jerry Springer...

So I started to check on clothes to take to the fam reunion, flight is in about 20 hours or so. Damn insomnia has me up. Anyway, I decide to start packing jeans only to realize the pair I liked and wanted to take was ripped, so I put them aside and grabbed the back up pair, those are also ripped, so I went to the back up of the backup and yup u guessed it. So now I am pulling jeans off the bench reached for a pair that I rarely if ever wear - they have a huge stain down the front. Reached for a brand new pair that still have the tag on and - realised why the tag was still on them, those suckers will probably only be worn by me if I am starring in a musical or going to an 80s party ("I will take things the Cali-j thinks are over-rated and belong in the past for $1000 Alex).

So now of course, because I am Mr. Last minute it now means that I have to go shopping the day of my flight. I actually think that I might just fly out in shorts...it is a red eye after all. Then just purchase jeans while in Orlando - they have to be cheaper than here in SD and it gives me something to do when I pick up my mom (this way I get to score points with the parental unit since it will look like I am taking her shopping when in reality I hate Malls and would rather watch Assassin try to explain the meaning of 'doubtful' than go to the mall - actually watching Assassin explain 'doubtful' is pretty funny since it led to a shouting match between us and then a stream of apologies and then words like "Ok Let's drink...sorry I digress).

2 comments:

swiffer sheet V said...

We will play the when does the plane get in game. I will tell what day I am coming, you guess which flight it is. Good Luck.

Abeni said...

so did you pick the right time? By the way the trip is off.

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.