"4 asian girls pull up in a car and holler at me" and the Cali Jamaican became Jamaican

Sometimes you just have to go; "Beast Mode Activated." Anyone who knows me closely knows that I have about 2-3 regular accents. I have the accent that I pretty much use everyday, I have the accent that I pop out when peeps say "You do not sound Jamaican" and then I have the real accent, the one that pops out when I am stressed, mad, angry, excited or talking to anyone from the island.

Anyway, to start out the night on Saturday, we were rushing to get downtown because we were guestlisted for free drinks (and everyone loves free!). Anyway, turns out Saturday night was the worst night to drive downtown; let us add up the situations 1. Jazz festival, 2. memorial day weekend, 3. A saturday night in SD, 4. Padre game in town, 5. Grandma driving (ok that last one was a jab at Rose bud). So the frustration levels are already pretty high. Well we decided to park at Horton (who recently changed all their parking policies - SOBs) trying to get into Horton however was a nightmare, the stoplights would constantly change and we would not advance. Then we noticed why we were not moving, a moron parking attendant was standing in the middle of the road and just letting all the cars out of his parking lot to enter the road which basically just stopped traffic dead.

So I am sitting in the passenger side just fuming, (remember free booze is being wasted and I hate traffic) and thinking 'this guy is a moron' and 'why has no one run him over yet, he is not a cop, he cannot stop traffic.' So the light changes for the 4th time and we have advanced 3 car lengths, and suddenly...the fuse just BLEW: I just saw red, and could not control myself, the window was down I was leaning out and yelling "bumboclaut man what the ra$$ you seh yuh a do? Get out of the bloodclaut road and stop blocking traffic." To which the parking attendant, said the wrong thing...maybe not the wrong thing to someone who is calm, but definitely the wrong thing to a Jamaican man who is already annoyed with your performance "What do you want me to do?" Oh damn, CaliJamaican completely dissolved and only Jamaican was left, it was Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

--"What do I want yuh to do? I want yuh to do yuh rassclaut job, I want you to get out a di bloodclaut street, b4 mi mek yuh get out a di bloody street, yuh know what, mi a guh help yuh get yuh rass outta di damn street"

So at that point I started reaching for the car door, handle, but damn it Rose bud had it closed, so I pressed the lock release, she locked it again (smart girl). I should let you in on some surrounding things, at this point every car around us had stopped (yup your boy was yelling that loud) so our car was actually able to start moving meanwhile I am still so pissed that I was trying to exit a moving vehicle. The combination of actions was like this: Leaning out of the window, yelling, pointing with right hand, reaching back with left to unlock seatbelt, sliding over to fiddle with the lock mechanism and trying to make sure I could reach the guy outside.

Best part of my anger though...it is almost always a flash in the pan (kind of like J-Kwon's career "Eeerybody in di club getting tipsy"). By the time we drove around the block to our parking spot (cause clearly we could not park at that guy's lot) I was already laughing about the incident. Thankfully things like that cannot put a damper on my nights,in fact it kind of just spiced up the night.

So our boy eN-Zo who has always been great to me in terms of getting us into spots got us into his bar for the night. Thing is eN-Zo and I have not really seen each other in about a month, most times we are just passing each other in the street for a quick 'hail up'. When he saw me on Saturday he was amazed by my weight loss, and commented on it (more on that later).

So anyway, J Stew and Rose Bud, were both trying to get others in the club later so I suggested they go to the balcony area to talk to eN-Zo, I figured it would be a quick move and they would be back soon, BUT, they left me alone, and I got attacked. There is a certain type of girl in SD that loves me, my close friends can prolly translate 'B girls love B Men.' And to help my casual readers, my parents will never accept me bringing home an obese woman. Heck my dad already thinks I am fat "nobody trusts a fat lawyer". Well this young lady was aggressive to no end, to the point that I ran out to the balcony, yup I ran, no shame there, I am just not the type to rebuff women, so I tend to hide away.

(J Stew loves this girl, later in the night, she thought J Stew and I were together and she gave us both an amazing shrug, I mean to the point that if a guy had done that to me, we would have had to knuckle up, heck J Stew nearly went Hulk on her)

---So I explained why I suddenly appeared and eN-Zo did exactly what I would have done, he mocked my situation "Come on man, you get fitter, start to look better and now you are picky". Hahah how can I counter that? I mean the timing was perfect.

I now blame eN-Zo for causing my actions for the rest of the night.

Later in the night I had to move the car, (I refuse to pay that pound of flesh price of $2 per 15 minutes when there are so many better parking options). Before I got the car I needed to get validated, no one validates anymore at bloody horton so I snuck into the office at the gym and validated myself, come on it was a Saturday night and I work out 6 days a week, I think they can just count that one as a freebie.

Whilst moving the car (and Rose bud swears the car is what caused it, not me - note though the car is a camry, at least 8 years old, good, great even, but it does not have that swag) 4 Asian girls pulled up beside me in the exit lane. While waiting in the line, they were all taking pictures of themselves and chuckling to each other. My windows were down so I could hear what they were saying...and my night was made, heck my month of May was made! "Oh he, is cute", "yeah he is really cute" "hehe" "talk to him". So I started looking around, cause I had to figure out what was causing the convo, I even for a second considered 'maybe a pix on the camera'. Then one of the girls in the backseat looked directly at me and I think made me blush "Hey you are cute, give me your number right now!"

Normally at this point, I would have made up some lame excuse, (I never give fake numbers) or just laughed and kept on driving, but for some reason (eN-Zo probably) I actually held up traffic long to give them my number, and even have a brief convo. Before I could even make it out of the parking lot, I started getting text messages from the ladies...yup, I think I could have floated the few blocks back to the club after parking the car. How the text messages ended my weekend is my business...

Sorry for the length of the post, in fact I am sure there are a tonne of mistakes throughout it, but I am watching Tila Tequila (this was actually supposed to be a blog about the show but I figured we can all take a skank break this week) and I think it probably robs me of brain cells.

I was going to blog about the worst dancing girl I have seen in ages, but that will have to wait this post is already too long...just note, J Stew and the Ivy both agreed with me on the atrocious dancing, every song cannot have the SAME DAMN dance move! (Guess that is a bit of blogging about it)

Hmm more of A Shot of Penicillin, recap vol 34.4345

"All my stripper friends All my ex-boyfriends We all want the same thing We all want the same thing" look any show that starts with that as a theme song is clearly going to be classy...so of course it has to be no shock that it is the theme song to 'A shot at love with Tila Tequila'.

I confess, I have pretty much stopped watching regular TV in favor of reality TV. You might ask why? Well I will tell you why. Much of TV right now sucks anyway, I spend most of my time on the internet trying to improve my chess game, I currently have games going against peeps in India, Australia and Britain as well as of course peeps here. Well reality TV is easy to watch while doing work, or on the net playing chess or anything that actually requires concentration. Plus, it is funny and it makes me feel better about myself! It is the same reason I used to watch Jerry Springer, nothing I can do in my life will ever be as bad as some of the stuff I see nightly on TV.

Anyway back to ASALW Tila Tequila, there was a challenge, and some of the parts of the challenge had stages such as 'bobbing for Blue Balls', 'jump in the pool for Pearl Necklaces' and a 'slip and slide'. If you do not understand the lame sexual innuendo there then bless your heart, you are an innocent.

I take it back this show does not make me feel better about myself, it makes me feel AMAZING, these morons just had a panty raid.

Did that cat really get mad that after he called a girl a whore she retorted with "Your mother is a whore"? Dude you called a chick a whore, you should know at that stage that everything is fair game.

"It felt like kissing a dead frog!" Hahahah, oh man, I worry all the time that I am not a good kisser but man I hope no girl anywhere will ever say that about me...at least unless she is mad, all is fair in love and war.

(Please note, though I might watch a decent amount of Reality TV, I will NEVER watch that show 'Farmer wants a wife')

I have still never puked in my life, but wow, watching everyone on this show puke at the same time is kind of gag inducing.

Is it pc to laugh at the fact that the lesbians as part of their challenge had to eat pigs vaginas? Does that even count as pork? Heheh one of the lesbians just said "I am going to go balls out" I know I know it is just a saying but it really sounds funny to hear someone say that while eating...pig's vagina.

I know the PUs (parental units) want me to get married but shows like this have me worried, I mean this is what women are like, right?

Hmm, stripper, softball coach, waitress, yeah these are not the stereotyped jobs at all.
Here is how little I care about this show, someone got eliminated and I am not even sure who.

Remember, keep it warm for the Cali-J, the 30th is coming up in 1 year and a few, you know how we DO!

Stealing from a church is disgusting and other links

I firmly believe that all theft is wrong, but stealing from a church has got to put you in the gutter level. Well how apropos that this moron was stealing a Church's gutter while Easter Service was going on!

No seriously, no one saw Pam Anderson getting divorced...no one!

Bad decade to have the last name Peterson

I still remain in shock that women actively fight to date Flavor Flav, I cannot even bother to recap this week's episode properly. Short form: girl acts whorish, Flav chuckles, flashes gold teeth, ridiculous competition devised, 2 hottest chicks (relative term) win, go on dates, Make out-makeout-make out (gag). Elimination, ugly girl with bad breath booted, new girls brought into the house, realization that TOO MANY CRAZY WOMEN apparently exist in this world.

Sorry this is not a slight against women, cause men do it too, I saw I love NY and Tila Tequila, I am just not trying to date men.

"That's Amore"

Welcome to the end of our society! I mean 70% of all TV is crap, 90% of all 'reality' programming is crap, but wow this new show on MTV with Domenico as the star has got to be one of the biggest steaming piles of crap paraded on TV.

I tried to avoid it, I wanted to avoid it, but I blame Erin, she made me watch it, dare I say tricked me into watching it. As Flav would say, 'she got real, psychologically with me'. She brought up what at the time seemed like a valid point "if we watched 'Shot of love' how bad can this be?" My answer at the time was "if the original was crap, and this is a copy of the original then it is probably going to be even worse" I stand by my initial assessment.

Sadly, I think I am still going to watch it.

Brief synopsis of the excrement that flowed through my DVR; one of the challenges had the 'ladies' jumping into a pool of spaghetti and meat balls and then trying to take as many balls in the mouth as they could manage without using their hands and then taking the balls from the pool to a bowl so that they could be added to the team total. Re read that paragraph (it was probably badly written - in a rush here) but yup you read that right, they had women trying to fit 'balls in their mouths' as part of a competition...no one saw anything wrong with that? I am slow to find objectification because too often I think it is just paternalistic, but wow, even I stood back and said, "damn this is bad." But of course the ladies dived right in and started bobbing like they were auditioning for the next Jenna Jameson flick. Heck 2 even started fighting in the pool - I could not resist a chuckle, after all they were fighting to put balls in their mouths...

Erin, I am mad at you for making me watch this, and disappointed at both you and Vera for not somehow making it on this show!

Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers! Tila Tequila and a lesson in economics

So I know a lot of peeps would say this is not shocking, but to me it is! Let us take a quick rundown of why I am surprised.

1. She is 16 and wealthy; teen pregnancy is on the decline among all social levels but especially among the wealthy
2. Her sister is Britney; if seeing that train wreck did not swear her off having kids nothing would
3. She is on a Nickelodeon show; shows like that tend to frown severely upon unplanned pregnancies and especially unplanned pregnancies by their teen-stars
4. Seriously Brit is her sister; come on, how could she practice unsafe sex with that role model as her sister???
5. Seriously condoms are cheap; no matter how much you might cry that you are spending on condoms...and if you are spending enough that you honestly have to cry about it then trust me, most peeps do not care about your pain...kids will always cost more than condoms do! Just a thought for those who are deficient in economic theory.

I saw the finale of 'A shot at love with Tila Tequila'...interesting finish, but the choice I expected, will not blog about it more since would not want to give away the finish but it was decent, as my boy Flavor Flav would say, nothing "too dramatical"

A Shot at Cold Sores with Tila Tequila, v.2.23 (shout out to Mike)

"I need at least 9 times a day" So hearing that in the background I figured it must be her talking about drinking water...nope. This is how many times a day Tila Tequila claims she HAS to touch herself and yet they make all those false claims about men and our urges?

So I have always maintained that I am afraid of having a girl because I know what boys are like and I would be afraid of having my daughter out in the real world, but now...Yeesh, this show is making me afraid of just having any kids. I would be mortified if any child of mine showed up on a show like this.

I know reality shows are the quick road to C-list stardom for alot of peeps, but if my kid ever told me they wanted to go on one of these type of shows I would immediately offer to pay them whatever money they would make on the damn show just to stay of it. I would tend allow them to drop out of school for a year to go to acting school, anything to not have them ridicule the family in such a fashion...Then again no kid of mine could be moronic enough to ever go on a show like this.

Still not sure how on earth Tila Tequila is this popular, she lacks the charisma of a Flavor Flav, or the sheer craziness of New York, her personality seems like it was manufactured with lead paint and her 'beauty' is average in terms of Hollywood. So props to her because clearly she knows how to market herself!

Just a thought MTV, if you are showing a replay of a show that ends with an elimination, it is a bit silly to show a promo of the next week's episode showing who is up for elimination, kind of ruins the suspense of the epi I am watching!

Oh and for all those peeps who have just been watching hoping for a cat-fight, next week is your week.

"A shot at Herpes with Tila Tequila"

Just finished watching 'A shot at herpes with Tila Tequila' (I have been told that that is not the real title, but I have to think that was the original title until someone in production went "Hey that might not make it past the censors") and damn that show is nasty!

I have to say, if you are on a show, where you are trying to get with a claimed bi-sexual, it might not be the wisest thing to make-out with your competition and probably bang your other competition. Lots of peeps talk about sleeping their way to the top, but sleeping your way to the bottom? STUPID!

This is definitely one of the weirdest shows I have seen recently, and that is saying something when I am a publicly declared proud fan of 'I love NY'.

Looking at Tila Tequila, I gotta say...I do not get it...what is the fascination peeps have with her?

Sorry coz, hope my TV choices do not scare you re your upcoming trip!