Infrequently updated consistently funny

Friday, May 06, 2011

Inviting a girl 1 month of the plane from France to Cinco de Mayo...not the easiest thing

I received horrible news today, not news that is of immediate personal impact to me, but horrible because of the immediate pain it causes someone I love. Any long time reader (or close enough friend of mine) knows that death rarely affects me personally, what affects me is seeing the pain it causes to those around me [quick side step; when my Grandfather passed in Tobago my dad and I went, I was very young, but I felt no emotional pain, shed no tears until I saw how sad my Dad was and then I broke down, not for my Grand, but for my Dad.] It is much the same here I saw that my friend was in pain (saw it from afar) and it troubled me, troubled me enough that on a night I had not planned to drink at all, I drank.

But this is not a morbid blog, in fact this is the rare double blog in a 24 hour period. And I will try desperately to not give a virtual middle finger to Eli and Vivian for making me drive for 40 minutes each way and standing me up. Even though in the back of my head I had the above worries (tried to call before heading out because I was afraid of trying to answer the phone later, I would definitely have answered but would not have wanted any crazy yelling in the back ground) I had a fairly decent night. Let us do a brief recap

Finally heard the Charlie Sheen remix to the Duck Sauce's 'Barbara Streisand' hahah basically just replace her name with 'winning' and 'Charlie Sheen'. Since I have a tonne of work to do I think I will just stay up all night and work all night, and thus get to sleep in a bit (you had to know there was some trigger for the double blog).

So in regards to the title, I invited a French girl I met over the weekend out tonight, but trying to explain to her in my super limited French (yes I was trying to impress) was too much of a chore so I just ended the explanation with..."people go out and drink a tonne". I cannot wait to invite my Korean friend out for Bastille Day. Turns out she did come out, but she was at another bar and by the time we decided to walk past the spot there was too long a line and there was a Dart Bet to settle with Yau...more on that later

This is not Ego but science talking; I think I could write a 'club banger'. The elements seem basic, get a track with a HEAVY bass line, add a simplistic hook, put in some lines stating how much swagger, girls, jewels, power or money I have and this is key at some point raise my voice an octave.

There is nothing like seeing a girl dance for you, my boy was interested in the 'darker' of 2 girls and while he kept trying to catch her eye I was staring at her and her friend, (basically I had a lot running through my head and they just happened to be in my eyeline plus I knew my boy was interested in one). Every time the 'lighter' one locked eyes with me she would do a little swivel of the hips dance and mimic sliding down the pole ('move your body like a snake ma') I wish I was not so shy, this is what is known in the trade as 'on a platter'.

Towards the end of the night I said something I regret, not because I was mean or aggressive or anything but because I accidentally embarrassed someone and I did not mean to I was genuinely trying to help: As I was walking to the W.C. this guy walking past me had something slip from his pocket so I immediately said "hey man you dropped your lipstick" because he dropped it. He immediately looked at me angrily and said "that is not mine and it's not lipstick" so I walked on but I made sure on the way out to stop and look at the item and it was definitely lipstick. So now I wonder if he was ashamed of it, I clearly saw it fall from his pocket - maybe he was carrying it for his girl, maybe it was his (though he did not have any on and did not look like the type to wear), or and this one I hope is not true, he robbed some poor girls purse and just shoved everything in the purse in his pockets with plans to sift through later. No matter what it was, the reaction seemed . weird and I truly just wanted to help.

Finally, DARTS. You have to love the competitive nature of guys. Yau and I talked smack to each other about dart skills ignoring the fact that neither of us had ever seen each other play and of course even though it was late and post bar and we both have work in the morning we had to play a game of darts...he won the first which immediately necessitated a rematch which I won..."take that with you". So now Yau, we are 1-1 and that game you won was the last you will ever win against me!


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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.