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Thursday, May 05, 2011

Hahaha Happy Birthday and "you cannot call your ex-girlfriend a whore"

Editor's update: Much of this was written yesterday but I did not post because of a conversation I had (with an Ex).

Happy Birthday Chica.
Let's hit the Randomize button:
- You cannot say an ex is a whore and not expect questions as to who
- Watching Lakers' games with Yau, makes the Lakers' games fun.
- Watching Lakers' games with Yau and having the Lakers LOSE make the games ENJOYABLE!
- Watching Yau's reaction while the Lakers lose is Heavenly
- Hoping the Lakers get Swept is just icing on the cake...even if half my LA friends might stab me...heck what are a few lacerations between friends?

- The Mavs and the Heat are looking like the 2 best teams, (thank goodness I picked the Heat to win it all) the rest of my bracket looks like Gas Station toilet paper, it is not even 2 ply and it looks like cardboard.

- Damn I miss riding Mountain bikes, I even more miss being fearless on the bike.
- I rode to a location that I was new to and it was only 3 miles (with traffic) and it took me 25 minutes
- I rode home from same location and now confident in where I was going did it in 9 minutes (flat road both ways before some ass tries to claim downhill)

- I am fat, I cut my ice-cream intake and gained bloody know what that means...time to up my ice-cream intake (and for me that can be breathtaking).

- This weekend's hike is going to be Bloody Fun; maybe I should warn the peeps that it is 6 miles round-trip!
- Nah most of the group are experienced hikers and badasses. Plus if anyone falls we have strong enough guys to carry them...I am looking at YOU NINJA!
- Hollywood Sign hiking seems like something everyone in LA should do...I know only a few that have ever done it.

- Unless you know the answer in advance some questions asked of exes immediately become sticky.
- I think one of my exes may have broken up with her boyfriend, I say may because last night when I asked what they were going to do for her birthday the conversation became as frosty as that Tub of Dulce De Leche that waits for me in the freezer.
- The problem? I tripped over myself trying to run away from the initial question while trying to look back to see the answer!
- I mean I have to ask the follow up right? You cannot get frosty on the first question and not at least try to scrape the glass to see what is in there.
I think part of why I was so hesitant to ask/find out was really should mean nothing to me!
- After all as the Stone COLD V there is no lingering physicality to look back on forward to...
"Well I guess it would be nice
If I could touch your body
I know not everybody
Has got a body like you

But I've got to think twice
Before I give my heart away
And I know all the games you play
Because I play them too

Oh but I
Need some time off from that emotion
Time to pick my heart up off the floor"

- Good grief I suck at shopping for gifts.
- First I suck at even remembering to buy gifts in general, there have been countless times I have shown up at events and realized that I should have gotten a gift---I had to give my cousin cash because I forgot (granted I think cash is better, but it goes against that whole 'thought that counts' thing)
- But when I do remember I hate the shopping process; most of my friends already have too much (not playing the kid from the 3rd world card I seriously believe this). I think about getting them stuff and nothing seems needed or practical.
- Let me quickly take an ex here: I want to get her a gift but she is dating a dude; so the gift cannot be extravagant (u know like giving her windows TV or anything...yup I am taking a shot at someone here) so my plan of getting her a Blu Ray goes out the window; but it cannot be intimate either, so there goes things like jewelry or Teddy Bears or clothing of the lacy variety; I have not seen her in ages so cannot be clothing of any sort, with my luck I go too small too tight or something she no longer wears (whoops reviewing this I realized I did not put 'or too big' I swear I had it in my head to put that too); it cannot be music/dvds, cause really those are weak sauce choices and in our case she thinks her musical taste is superior to mine SHE IS WRONG and she never gives me credit for introducing her to artists Corinne Bailey Rae, Lupe Fiasco, Melonie Fiona, just to name a few...but really you can never know what music/dvds someone u have not seen in ages has.
- So now you are regulated to the simple things, things you may have heard the person likes, things they might be doing (like cooking) things that everyone needs like Soap - (especially those peeps who always seem to run out of soaps and have to turn the bottle upside down so the very last drop can come out, and then add water for that desperate morning when you have to shower before work but you forgot to hit the Ralph's or CVS that are pretty much on the same block as your work place...but I digress) or you get them things from shows you know they love
- For instance I would be lost if I had to get a gift for Yau, the kid has everything and needs nothing (and I am not getting anyone a Hooker [the idea is too demeaning to me - and comes to lingering feelings of the whole purchasing/renting a human thing, but that is a different discussion]) so I would probably just get him booze (though he is Asian and does get the flush) or just take him to a bar.
- So if I cannot buy for peeps who I am close to it is unfair pressure to ask me to do it for casual peeps
- But the obligation is still there and I honour it...when I remember it

- I have a knife by my bed
- Nope I am not a killer, nope I do not fear death or someone coming to get me. I just needed it one day to cut something and it was super helpful and now I find myself constantly using it, in place of scissors...I really need to put it back in the kitchen, I am becoming way too comfortable having a knife that close to me.
- I am surgical with the knife, not a boast just a statement of fact

- My scrabble game is improving as my tennis game deteriorates! I hope they are not related
- JT if you are reading this...I challenge you to a tennis game ASAP I need help (I will be the person wearing heavy sweats so no one can see my body).

- Hopefully I make it up to SF in a week and a half
- It looks like a glorious summer
- I miss my lifting buddy
- Ice cream is good for you
- Snickerdoodles are tasty
- Express gyms SUCK
- Vodka in a water bottle is not crazy, (look up the Russian word for water)
- And damn one of my exes sometimes looks like Eliza Dushku, dances EXACTLY like her, and sometimes acts just like how you probably pronounced her last name!



Anonymous said...

Tennis, yes. Also, I am giving you the finger from my office. Enjoy!

Lyoness said...

Again, I can say that I am none of those exes :)

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.