Even the happiest of us can have a sad moment!

So I am sitting home and I am pissed and sad, but it’s one of those moments when I am not sure all the reasons for being pissed and sad and the combination of emotions leaves me wrecked. It might be a combination of a number of factors.

• I hate getting shouted at: I know I shout a lot; but that is because sadly I am bloody loud, and I get exuberant which is a bad combination…but I do not purposefully shout at people. In fact I have actually made a conscious effort this year that when mad I will not raise my voice while talking to the person I am mad at. To those who saw me attack the referee in the IM game take note of the portion that says “effort” it is not always successful


• I am mad when I find out that something I do pisses someone off but they have just harbored the resentment until it bubbles over at inappropriate moments. As cocky as I am, as cold as I am, as emotionally unavailable (lies) as I have been accused of being, I still prefer discourse of emotions than blowing up.


• To say that I do something to you, so to get back at me, you will do it back to me to hurt me then respond with the words “you do it all the time” does not take into account the fact that I probably do not know what the hell I am doing to you.


• LEARN THIS NOW EVERYONE…as cold a person as I am, and as much as I like to kid and joke around, I never, ever intentionally try to hurt anyone with words. For me to attempt to embarrass someone, to cause them pain would mean that I am PISSED at you, that we actively have open animosity towards each other; that I have decided to make you feel as bad as I feel. If I have said something to embarrass ANY of you. Let me know, because there is a big difference between trying to playfully tease someone and actively hurting someone. The problem is that often the ones doing the teasing cross the line between fun and pain and do not realize it. I know I cross the line, in fact sometimes I am so far across the border that I cannot see the line, but know this and hear this all: If you are my friend or hell even a casual acquaintance I have not intentionally tried to hurt you.


• Do not shout at me! Said above and repeated here: My parents do not shout at me, my professors do not shout at me and none of you rank as high as those persons so quit it.


• Yes I love Texas, I love the state and I love my school: I wear my pride openly: Deal with it! I understand that I am from one of the top 3 most hated states; in fact I would not be shocked if Texas was the most hated state. I know I come from a state of big hair, big oil, big egos and big attitudes, but I now live in a state filled with big ego too! Acting superior to my state in front of me especially if you have never visited my state is plain stupid and begging for me to rep the horns! Never forget that I went to school in a state that still believes that America owes it! And stop the damn talk about CA being able to break away from America and survive on its own. NO state can thrive if it breaks from the union. As strong as the GDPs of TX, NY and CA are, much of that comes from their affiliations with the rest of America.


• Much of the Texas pride is just that TEXAS PRIDE: there is no state in the union that I think is a horrible state (there are definitely a few that I would rather not live in though), I do love CA in fact that is the reason why I have chosen to take the bar here, I have decided to live here and make my career here…but Kiss My Ass if you think that I love Texas any less or if your hatred of Texas will sway me!


• I do not lie, but I conceal a lot…deal with it!


• Love it or hate it, I will make fun of your school, hell I even make fun of my own schools (UWI, UT and USD) it is what I do it’s what I will always do! I took a tonne of crap from everyone when UT was on its run to a title and I took even more crap when we had our losing streak to OU, it is something that any fan of Texas knows is going to happen hell one of my friends just admitted yesterday that he has watched 24 straight Texas games just hoping that at the end of one of them we would lose so he could call me to laugh (those are the friends I have). Well the bitch is still waiting, still watching and I am still laughing at him, at some point the streak like all streaks must die, and I will receive the call and then I will bring up the fact that he went to UNLV and we do not have enough fingers to count the last time they won a title that meant anything.


• I am getting an award on Friday, and yet I felt for the longest time that I had to hide it from my friends because there seems to be so much resentment as to how the school awards prizes, I wanted my friends to come out and celebrate with me, but I understand that no one wants to hit up the Pre Graduation ceremony!


• The anger has gone like I knew it would while I typed but the melancholy lingers, I think I will just take a drive up the coast to clear it all…blessings!