Infrequently updated consistently funny

Friday, November 30, 2007

Naked men, white kids, and me working out

So I rode to the gym tonight (let me point out again; I love San Diego, I rode in a T-shirt and shorts on a November night, meanwhile my boy is IM-ing this from Philly "I f-ing hate you, the temperature here is 32" to which I responded with "Too bad man, it is 65 here" I cannot post his reply). While locking the bike up near an ATM these young white kids rolled up and one was telling this story:

"Man my high school was 94% f-ing blacks 1% Asian and the remaining 1% white" (note apparently his high school did not teach math - which I thought immediately was going to be awesome when he tried to count his money coming out of the ATM)
- Kid then notices the 210lb Black man locking up his bicycle and gives the guilty I got busted start and pauses his story. He then nudges his companions another skinny guy and a girl that looked like the last time she saw sun it was a Disney movie.
- Not knowing what to do he pauses mid-story and immediately launches into
"I wonder how much this ATM is going to charge for getting cash"
- So of course I could not resist messing with him. I lock my bike, take out my lifting gloves, stand behind him at the ATM slowly putting on the gloves and say:
"Hey man why don't you finish that story" (if you have ever heard my voice you might understand why a kid that [may have been] telling a racist story would not want to hear it).
He responds" "Oh I was just telling them how many kids went to my school, that was it I swear" (voice cracks)
I continued: "Oh yea, that was cool man, so how much cash are WE pulling out?"
At that point I was barely keeping myself from laughing because these kids were definitely now concerned about getting jacked...just as he was about to stammer out a reply, it started out like this "uh uh uh Uh [glance around]" I saved him further embarrassment and said: "Nice meeting y'all, look out for those black kids, something tells me they hated you" and then hit the gym. (Felt like a great warm-up for lifting).

But the emotional high that I got from messing with that idiot kid was immediately removed when I sat on the locker room bench to adjust my shoes and the guy next to me who was already invading my personal space dropped trough. Now I have already gotten over my personal hangups of seeing naked men in the gym (did not see it in high school so never got used to it like my American counterparts), but I am still not used to having someone comfortable enough to expose themselves casually infront of me.

Bu-bu-bu- bu-but wait it gets worse, not only has he dropped trough right beside me, I am basically trapped because now he is naked, right beside me and in front of my locker (between my bench and my locker) oh and did I mention that I have my head down because I am adjusting my shoes??? I wanted to discreetly slide down the bench but no such luck I am hemmed in. So what do I do? The only thing I could do. NOTHING. I just stared straight at my shoes, tied my laces, pretended nothing had happened told him he was in my way and grabbed my towel out of my locker. Thing is, I understand that you have to get naked to go shower etc, but is it necessary to get naked in my personal space? And once naked, shouldn't you be hauling ass to either shower or put some clothes on? It is just weird to me for someone to get naked and then just stand beside me not saying a word, and not apparently moving to do anything about his situation. Sorry for the rant meatball hope this has not become your exclusive domain.

Finally, my other blog has allowed me a little artistic freedom, and take jabs (humorous I hope) at friends...just throwing out a casual warning - Assassin, FN, SSV, Baker, Robin, etc!


swiffer sheet V said...

I agree the whole nudity thing in the locker room bothers me to. I don't like getting naked in front people or them nonchalantly getting nake and taking their sweet ass time to cover up.

Abeni said...

Methinks he wanted you:)

Anonymous said...

This comment from the blogger (now retired) who used to call himself Dr. D.

Your locker room situation reminds me of what happened to bredrin of mine who was in the US Army. Apparently, he had to hol a shyte one day. Now the bathroom nuh have nuh cubicles, is bout 50 toilet line off beside each other. Rude bwoy on the throne a do him ting, bathroom oddawise empty, and a white dude rope een to hol a shit also. Before the yute hol a remote seat, guess where him siddung....??? On the toliet right next to mi bredrin! Wah mek it worse, the yute start have convo wid him. Course mi bredrin wasn't really amused. Of course, me a frig wid him when him tell the I asked him, so wah de yute a seh to you...."Having a good crap eeh?" ;-) Course, the reply was well claated!

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.