It has definitely been awhile since I posted information on one of my dreams:

This morning I had what can only be described as a freaky dream and no if you are looking for a freaky sex dream, this is not the blog for you (I tend not to have those much anymore – is it a sign of age, maturity or I am just so lazy that even my dreams are affected?)

If you know me well, then you will know that I have bad knees, in fact I like to joke that I have the knees of an ‘eighty year old man’ but something tells me, some octogenarians would be pissed at that joke since I sometimes have a knee give out on me while getting up off the couch.

Last night I dreamt that I went in for a knee operation (since I do not have medical insurance that would cover such an operation it at first seemed like it might be a nightmare), even in my dream I knew that the hospital/doctor was shady! I remember in the dream yelling: “I do not have any insurance” and the doctor replied: “It’s ok you won’t need any for this operation”

The doctor then began to explain the intended procedure to me, and I immediately agreed because I figured sweet “I am getting my knees back”  Then I thought for a moment at what the doc said the surgery would entail: They were going to stick what essentially looked like sharp forceps (huge tweezers to the non-scientific) into my knee, then drive them in with a hammer so that the were forced into at least an inch depth…then they were going to leave them in each knee for a period of time, so as to allow the knees to (and this is where the science gets fuzzy [I know the above looks crazy but this was the explanation the doc gave me])

“By damaging the knee so severely and leaving the forceps in, the body will be forced to make new tissue and ligaments and slowly over time it will force the forceps out and you will have healthy knees”

I FEEL FOR THAT?? If I was a weed smoker I would at this moment say “I have got to stop smoking” but I do not touch drugs and I have not had a drink in 5 days so clearly stimulants had nothing to do with it (though I guess my secret fantasy of having completely healthy knees did me in).

Thing is, even after re thinking the idea, I still accepted it. Shows how desperate I was, but not only did I accept it, I went out of my way to convince my parents and brother that it was a good thing, then went behind their backs and had the surgery because they would not let me do it.

The doc warned me that it might not be a good idea to have the surgery if I had trouble sleeping on my back because of course the forceps would be sticking out of my knees the whole time that I was in recovery, so I would have to be strapped in to a harness of some sort. So the surgery began, I was strapped in and my leg was grasped and I watched in horror as the doc positioned not a forcep but a spike over my leg then with a huge hammer the spike was driven into my leg and I started screaming…everyone in the room except the doctor and I was passing out or puking and the doctor positioned for a second spike to be driven in my other knee and at that point I yelled no way reached across the table (some how loosed from the restraints) landed a solid punch to his jaw, and woke up to find my fist buried in my pillow and sweat pouring down my body.

Some how in the night I had turned completely around in bed so that I was lying perpendicular to my starting position, and facing away from the direction that I would normally have turned in. My pillow was closer to the foot of the bed instead of the head of the bed so I guess I moved it while fighting and the mattress had shifted a little of its base.

Not sure what the dream means, but I know one thing for certain - NO EXPERIMENTAL KNEE SURGERIES FOR THIS GUY!