So my bachelor group and I have been discussing the fact
that this season has become a chore to get through and I suspect much of
this is the lack of charisma that we’ve been shown re Matt as well as
many of the women; for instance Michelle seems like a riot when you look
at the bloopers but the body of the show has her looking like an average
contestant. But my main thought is it’s just hard to stomach watching
Chris Harrison (“OMCH”) and Rachael as they go through the motions and
pretend that aligning a potential racist with a black man is a good
idea.
I suspect that if you are the type to be reading this blog, you are also the type to have watched many of the dating shows that lit up 2020 so for instance - ‘Indian matchmaking’ and ‘love is blind’: Now granted those shows had much shorter seasons, and less historical precedents to breed fatigue but those were quick and easy watches, and their last two episodes did not come with the strain of can I make it through watching this? And if the Bachelor is seeking to improve, they could stand to copy from Indian matchmaking with the use of ‘bio data‘ can you imagine if we had gotten the full bio data on Rachael and it showed “loves to attend antebellum parties praising the old south” we might’ve actually gotten an idea of who she was from episode one. I also firmly believe the show needs to post all the bios at least a month before filming the first episode to give the internet sleuths a chance to let them know how bad their background check continues to be...unless they really do want to keep bringing on terrible people.
I am surprised Rachael and OMCH have not had a pizza summit yet - This guy would host them
The show continues to do cold opens so we get Bri and Matt in bed and Rachael crying "I am in love with Matt and he is with another woman." I have been honest that I got into this show because of my love of seeing dramatic tears (hate tears in my real life) so Rachael's tears are delicious to me.
I just realized that for the last 6 weeks of this show I have either had drinks or an ice cream sandwich at the start of the show...this show is terrible for my diet, but a homemade M&M sugar cookie ice cream sandwich is just too hard to resist.
Oh look this couch of destiny is huge when you do not have 18 women crammed on it.
Here comes OMCH to explain to the women what is coming up...you know if the show wanted to edit him out this could easily have been cut, or they could have just shown footage of the women and do VO with OMCH. If you have any thoughts that this show actually cares about us, you might be the type to snitch to the 'woke police.'
Matt tells us that for his relationships with the women to move forward he needs to have a conversation, one that will teach him about long term relationships so he tells us that he needs to have a conversation with...his dad? Remember episode ONE when we were told that Matt's dad left him and his mom to fend for themselves? This feels suspiciously forced, it is like someone coming to me and saying "I need help on avoiding ice cream and you are the perfect person to talk to since you eat it EVERY NIGHT!"
Does not look like Matt got his height from his pops. Matt says harboring negativity to his dad has hampered his relationships...again episode ONE Matt told us he has never been in love...so which relationships did it hamper, your 'we hanging out' relationships? Matt's dad might be a bad person, but he is a G and uses OG phrases "You can't do that...you gotta let that go."
Matt's dad says back in the day he would not have talked to him about his feelings, and then we see the cycle of missing fathers and how it is perpetuated, Matt's dad's dad died when he was 5.
BEFORE I GO ON, YOU KNOW WHY THIS SHOW IS GROSS? BECAUSE THIS FAMILY THERAPY SHOULD NOT BE ON THE SHOW! Matt's dad said he came home to an empty house when Matt was 2 or 3 because the mom took the kids and left, but Matt counters that she left because the dad was unfaithful. Matt asks his dad if he would want a daughter to date a man like him. We get a confessional with Matt crying because his dad would sometimes come by in his childhood "and drop off shoes and buy us pizza...I didn't need shoes"
tears on tears on tears from Matt...the producers are not protecting him one bit.
Matt tells his dad that he forgives him. Did I catch that Matt says his dad grew up in Africa? A true African American? "I love you dad, there is no hard feelings from me."
You just know the producers were high-fiving each other thinking "we really did something good here." NOPE!
The ice-cream cookie was not enough, time for a homemade Twix.
MICHELLE:
Hold up Matt's interaction with his dad was the same day as his date with Michelle while walking around in his child smedium jeggings? You know my rule is I very rarely rewind so I did not but I am pretty sure that is what Matt just said!
Matt tells Michelle that he knows it has been a stressful time so he is hooking them up with a Pennsylvania Dutch spa day...I mean okay sure.
They do a milk bath, churn an oatmeal foot bath with their feet and slather each other with butter, this is what happens when you shun modern convenience.
EVENING:
Matt tells Michelle about confronting his dad and trying to be a better man "I just wanted you to know what I was working on...and that I was ready for the type of commitment that comes at the end of this." Michelle tells Matt that she is 100% in.
Michelle says she is ready for things to get more intimate, yeah you are!
We get the Matt move of Michelle says "I love you" and he says nothing but kisses her. Because we really needed it, as we see Matt and Michelle getting more intimate we have Rachael's VO telling us her worse fear is Matt spending the night with someone else.
MORNING AFTER:
With Matt and Michelle in bed and basking in the after glow Michelle asks "On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you right now?" Matt whispers "11." Michelle repeats to Matt that she loves him, he thanks her...as he walks her out (but just to the room door, do not get it twisted thinking he bothered to exit the building with her) she repeats "I love you" and he kisses her. As Michelle exits the building Matt yells "MICHELLE" at her from his balcony, you just know she thought she was about to get a late "I love you" but he just blows her a kiss.
Rachael is telling Bri that she woke up with knots in her stomach and Bri nervous laughs at her - Continuing the new cruel trend of the franchise, Michelle has to go back and meet up with the other 2 remaining women on the couch of destiny, Nemacolin is a ridiculously large resort but sure all three women have to stay together.
Time for 4 sour patch kids.
BRI:
"Welcome to the outdoors" says Matt after Bri takes her legs off of his waist...They are going hiking and camping through the woods. DOES THIS SHOW KNOW THAT THESE ARE PEOPLE OF COLOUR? Four more sour patch kids.
Matt in an ITM tells us that "what she does not know is I have never been camping."
DO YOU REMEMBER MY RANT LAST SEASON WHEN IVAN GOT THAT CRAPPY OVERNIGHT DATE IN THE CAMPER WHILE THE WHITE GUYS GOT FUN DATES?...THIS IS WORSE. And yes I am yelling, this deserves yelling.
Matt struggles to pitch a tent - Bri notices.
Bri tells us that she thought Matt was kidding when he said they would be camping. Y'all should know from the name of the blog that I am Jamaican, let me tell you this with full honesty, if I ended up on this date I am taking the machete and chopping someone, bout yuh a tell bad man fi chop wood pon national TV fi a date? Eediat ting dat, sumbody haffi get a chop. Man wuk too damn hard in life fi go inna di woods and sit pon tree stump! Dem batty, a mus murdah di man dem waan mi murdah somebody. TREE STUMP, not even a rahtid camping chair, tree stump no sah! Show woulda dun right deh so. Imagine mi good good bredren dem a yahd a look pon tv and see man a look like Maroon inna di Cockpit Country a camp. Dem waan man call dem Massa and pick the cotton for the sleeping bags too?
EVENING PORTION:
Luckily they go back to 'civilization' for their dinner date. Bri is stunning in an earth tone body hugging dress.
Matt and Bri share bad dad stories before reading the "let's go sleep together card" and heading to a room that looks like it was designed by a hunter who watched Martha Stewart one time!
Morning:
And we get the recap of the cold open "I could get used to this" "Was last night what you expected?" "It was everything that I expected and more" as Bri rubs Matt's chest. "Last night just reaffirms that I love you" and so of course Matt kisses Bri rather than answering.
Matt tells us "this is the second woman to say they are in love with me...it is not going to be easy sending someone home."
As Rachael hears the door open and hears footsteps she sighs and says "I don't want to see her" is that because you are in love with Matt or BECAUSE YOU HATE BROWN PEOPLE? Bri walks in beaming "How are you guys?"
Rachael says "I am going to go off and get ready for my date" then we see her bawling on her bed and all I hear in my head is "TAY KEITH"
RACHAEL:
Matt "this time with Rachael I could not be more excited."
Rachael walks up in an outfit that is not cute, that shirt was not built for her frame. Rachael's enthusiasm towards Matt as they walk together could be best described as wet paper towel.
I am lazy so we are going to Rach - Matt and Rach take a pottery class together while Rach has sour milk face for much of the date.
Rach stops the date to tell Matt she needs to talk to him while looking like Mayo that has gone bad. Rach tells Matt that this week was the lowest time for her as she waited for Matt to go on his dates, then claims she wants Matt to explore all the other relationships.
Matt is the same guy who tells us that Victoria is funny and apologized to her at the 'Women Tell All' so if you think this tactic by Rach is not going to work, I have some camping gear I would love to sell you, it is well used...
Matt makes sure to reassure Rach and say "I am falling in love with you" to which she responds with "I am head over heels in love with you." So back to the pottery...as Rach gets to spread white clay all over Matt making him whiter...acceptable to her now.
EVENING:
Rach and Matt exchange insecurities or as this show does it; meaningless banter before the "use this card to find the location of the condoms" card is read. Like with the other 2 women Matt has Rach read the card and I keep joking that he cannot read.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE BLOODY KIDDING ME - FIREWORKS? They got fireworks when they entered the bedroom. A producer might as well have walked in with Neil Lane and said "look bro we want you to get her finger sized."
And so what? We do not see the morning after with Matt and Rach? We trying to keep her classy? Pretend that she remained pure? What is this sudden scruples?
ROSE CEREMONY:
Michelle arrives first and tells OMCH that "I am there" because after explaining to OMCH all her emotions this fool just cuts her off with "But you are there!"
Bri arrives next OMCH asks "How are you feeling?" Bri explains and OMCH's response is "Well, ready or not, head on inside." What is the point of talking to these women OMCH if you do not care one iota about their responses?
Rach arrives and by now you know the question "How are you feeling?" But with her OMCH banters back with "no doubts" then ASKS "Well you ready?" waits for an answer then "All right, head on inside."
It is these microaggressions towards our people you start to notice more and more when OMCH gets to freely talk without publicity hacks beside him and let's you know what the real-real is.
The first rose goes to Michelle, mildest of surprises here, and the final rose goes to oh come on you know who it goes to, no way was Matt riding more than the half-black express to the final episode, if Bri had gotten that final rose it would have been 2 half-black women which cumulatively would be one black woman finally making it to the end of this show (yes I am that desperate I would count it as a win) BUT nah...Rach gets the rose.
So Bri, you gonna get that job back or nah? Falling off that ATV was worth it or nah?
The Bloopers - show us that Matt and Bri cannot make smores, maybe that is why she got sent home.
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