Infrequently updated consistently funny

Monday, January 17, 2011

The Jersey Shore got me once again, this time with NT plugs

As always this is live blogged with no corrections so read it with a spoonful of caution and not for grammar
“I blame you for this Nicole”

So let’s do this again, a new epi of JS and NT and I had bbq chicken and pasta so we might as well watch the shore (aka the SHOW-AH seriously that is how they pronounce it) together.

It starts with something we see all the time…Ronnie and Sam fighting. When do they NOT fight? She is now claiming that Ron is the reason she is not friends with all the girls (I have an EX just like this) look, you cannot be mad at a guy for your issues, you need to handle your own stuff.

We see Snooki eating a whole potato with her fingers NT’s only words “EW”. Hahah Snooks tries to stick her hand down Vinnie’s shorts. Snook says “Tonight I just want to touch some cock” and she picks Vin’s because she says “It’s cute” ah the joys of being easy.

Oh nooooooo the Sitch is willing to have a 3some just because it’s a 3some which as he says becomes a “D-some”. “That is like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper and then they take away the chicken and you are just left with salt and pepper” This is how the Sitch describes the set up with Snooks and Deena getting into bed with him and then Snooks sneaking out of bed leaving him with Deena. “When a guy asks you if you took a shower” you are automatically in the wrong bed!

We are introduced to the ‘Kitchen Ditchen’ where someone waits for a partner to go to the restroom and then runs to the Kitchen to get food so they are unavailable.

“I wanna see Snooki eat it” those are the words of NT as we come out of commercial. Snooks hits the gym without underwear, and then immediately bends over. Snooks claims that her butt is burning so what does she do? What any normal person would do. She sticks her whole rear-end in the mini fridge…and as NT notes “SHE FITS”.

Interlude – Ronnie and Sam fighting again. I decided to call it an interlude because really it is just a portion of every show. Maybe I should call it the hook. “He seems like a beater” I love NT those are her words as she watches Ronnie berate Sam. “I need a mind condom, because I am getting mind F’d” Ronnie’s best line in about 10 shows.

If NT sees another ad for ‘Skins’ she might need a new TV because she is putting her fist through this sweet flat screen. As NT walks away to look at wedding pix she drops this “I cannot believe her ass fit in that fridge and then she said ‘I need to poop’” what is scary

Ron is going to the gym with the other guys, now we know he and Sam are done (who am I kidding…I mean on a break) he is able to go somewhere without her. Wow Paulie’s mimicry of a woman was so spot on that at first I actually thought it was a woman.

Sammi is apologizing. Now am I wrong for thinking that this apology is only coming out because she has NO ONE LEFT TO TALK TO? While she had her boy, she was calling all the girls bitches, hos, sluts and the c-bomb. But now, that she is ‘single’ she is apologetic?

My convo with NT just after Jwoww argues with her BF on the phone: Me; “She is reaching into the back of her closet, you know what that means?” NT; “Yeah she is reaching for the ultra ho gear tonight” Me; “yeah”. Sad that we think alike and we both know what is about to occur.

Not sure what it says about what we are watching when we can compare it to Porn and it feels right. “Dancing is my best thing” so says Deena, 2 seconds before she falls off the stage. How did Snooki just fall while standing straight up? Ok I know that sounds confusing but I mean, she was not walking, she was not dancing, she was not even trying to talk. She just went from standing straight up, to on the floor.
Damn the guy that just told Jwoww he is single just got busted and tried to use the “baby the music is too loud” line to buy some time to get away with not answering. Nice try dude, but there is always the continuation of the convo outside the club moment.

“Who is this fat bitch?” I love how descriptive NT can be sometimes. I do think that if you are snitching on TV you should at least be cute.
Jwoww just peed in a bar, then poured water on it with this disclaimer “I watered it down it does not smell anymore” that my friends is SCIENCE!

Interlude – Ronnie and Sam making up…”F’ing co-dependency is what it is called” NT’s contributions are short, sweet and accurate.

A girl throws a drink in Pauly’s face then Pauly comes on camera and says “I do not know why Danielle the stalker threw a drink in my face” Hmm I don’t know dude, maybe because you call her “Danielle the stalker” on National TV.

“DTFOmeter” Vinny is a classy man. “Vinny is getting it in and my girl does not want to get it in, so Pauly is getting some sleep” Maybe your girls does not want to get it in because you are trying to sleep with her infront of other people who are having sex? The rundown of Ronnie’s laughter by Vin comparing it to a dolphin causes NT and I to actually guffaw.

Snookie just asked her boss if he wants to “Funnel a beer” and his response of “It’s 10.30 in the morning” was greeted by her with “so?” I love this girl. “You are being psycho” is not something I have ever been able to say to any boss I have had, but now I think I have to use it.

I just confessed my love to a friend via BBM…I blame the JS.
NT: “I cannot believe you just made me eat a santa” yup that is our night.

Snooks is trying to take her purse into the ocean, pure class that girl. It must be nice to be fearless with cops: The cops are trying to help Snooks out and she starts to curse at them and fight them…none of my ‘tanned’ friends would ever take that chance with cops.
Deena just called what Snooks did “Drunken indecency” that should actually be a charge. NT wants us to file for that to actually be a code section.

No comments:

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.