Bachelor Recap or did I tell you my dad and I do not get along?

 Let's have a moment of 'First World problems' frivolity. My Fitbit that I just replaced in January after its predecessor died in December and Fitbit took almost a month to replace – just died, yup! My Fitbit, barely 2 months old, has died! The same Fitbit that 3 month ago I nearly replaced with an Apple watch but stuck it out because "we will honor your warranty" that I demanded be extended because their bloody watch builds are nothing like they used to be, I want to stay loyal to the company, I have bought so many members of my family Fitbits, but I cannot and will not recommend them anymore…and if they do not send me a free replacement, well it has been fun, I love the Fitbit community but I cannot throw good money after bad. All that said…sigh, am I really going to give Apple more control of my life? Can I not just get up and workout without being prompted? The answer is probably NO!

So with that out of the way, now that I am in full Karen mode, let's talk about the Bach.

  What do you know about Matt? The show is allegedly working with a Diversity consultant so HOW DID THEY LET LAST WEEK's episode happen? It only makes sense if their diversity consultant is a guy who went on vacation listened to some reggae, chanted down Babylon and thought "Now I understand the struggle!"

  Because otherwise how do you let that episode with Matt's dad on? Everything we know about Matt is a stereotype, Black athlete with the absentee dad, who is dating a bunch of women, likes white women and prefers to pal around with his bros. WE KNOW NOTHING about him beyond the superficial stereotypes, this show has done him a disservice. I am at the stage where if you told me Sen. Ron Johnson is the diversity consultant of this franchise I would not bat an eye.

I have been work swamped so I have not checked the web or social media in about 6 hours, I was just about to open twitter when it hit me, "you went this long how much would it suck getting a spoiler now"…so phone is back down and let's run pure into this world.

 As we have Obvious Man Chris Harrison (OMCH) still doing the VO work for the show including the After The Final Rose Episode that we are told he is not part of (Cough Cough EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Cough Cough).

 We start with Matt meeting up with his mom and her makeup and his bro, who immediately comments on Matt's waves. Matt's bro's mean mug is giving me life, he looks like I would if my bro went on this show. HOLD UP IS THAT A GRILL?

"Nothing I want more for Matt to find love…from a woman" did y'all hear the slightest hitch when Matt's mom said that?

MICHELLE:

The first woman to meet Matt's family is the woman that looks the most forward facing black and I feel like this was planned.

John, Matt's bro pulls Michelle to the side first and tells us he is "looking for a vibe" and as he faces Michelle he has his arms folded and makes sure to keep a glass of wine as a cudgel. John tells us he is skeptical of the process but seems to be charmed by Michelle. The show would NEVER do it, but man I would have cracked up if Matt's bro was the Bach…it’s a vibe!

 Matt's mom asks Michelle if when her family met Matt "did you feel a peace about that?" Matt's mom breaks down when talking to Michelle about Matt seeking out friends with strong families because she could not offer him that when he was growing up.

Showcasing that Michelle had more charisma than the show let us see all season she throws snowballs at Matt.

  RACHAEL:

But if you think my lazy ass is typing out her double As you have another thing coming – RR it is.

Matt warns RR that his bro would be tough, I do not remember that warning to Michelle?

Matt's mom breaks out a fun sweater for this visit. I bet Matt's mom gets down with a bottle of Chardonnay and is hilarious.

John seems suspicious of RR "Have you ever been in true love before?" "What qualities do you see in Matt to make him a long term partner?" Those are a bit more probing than most of these Bach type 'interviews.'

RR when talking to Matt's mom says that the first night when Matt "prayed over us…really resonated with me" and she touches her hand to her heart as she catches the vapors.

Matt's family is clearly not on board with Matt ending this season with an engagement…

Matt now confused by his family's hesitancy calls upon his father figure, OMCH.

Matt tells OMCH that he is now uncertain about 'ending the journey' with an engagement. OMCH bringing all the depth of a teaspoon questions Matt's mom's logic to Matt's face. Yo son, you just gonna have OMCH shrug off your moms like that? OMCH being his full obvious self "so what you are saying is you do not want to be engaged at the end of this?" Granted Matt's mom was super bleak with "love fades" but come on, this show has had less than 10% of their leads end up in marriages, much less successful marriages, so her view is a lot more practical that OMCH's…oh and while to me divorce is no biggie, OMCH pretending like he knows it all while sitting on a divorce and dating a much younger woman is really cracking me up as the avatar of "together forever!"

  MICHELLE 1X1:

 Matt asks her "do you have any idea what we are going to do today?" How could she Matt, there was no date card? Bringing back a franchise fave date Matt and Mich are going to rappel down the side of a building. This weekend I broke out my new cold weather cycling gear, super tight pants (you know what cycling gear looks like) that are so tight the calves/ankle area have a zipper…I think Matt's jeans might be tighter than my gear – he is not smuggling grapes he is making wine in those jeans. Oh and Matt was as ungainly as you would expect when he first started rappelling, if you watched this season you know Matt is pro mistake.

 Evening:

"World Changing Warriors" - Michelle presents Matt gifts of Basketball jerseys with that team name  and on the back his jersey says 'Mr. James' and hers 'Mrs. James' – presumptuous yes, but even more risky when we know what Matt is thinking.

Matt tells Mich he is having doubts and he says "having any doubts at this point for me is scary" imaging what Mich is thinking?

I really hope she did not pay for those jerseys, please let it have been a show production department purchase, it has to be right? This is not like ordinary hometowns where the contestant could just go to a store.

Mich breaks down in tears as Matt tells her "sorry" and leaves.

 OMCH earning his money this season comes up to a post-crying Matt and sits with him on the curb "What your mom said shook you to the core" OBVIOUSLY!

  All season Matt has been blaming his dad for his issues when it comes to love, but sure, let's bring Matt's dad on for a public heart to heart, let's have Matt try to process childhood trauma on TV, let's all pretend that what we are watching is not the crumbling of a man's psyche, because any other pretense will make this harder to stomach.

Matt ends his time with OMCH with "I need some time" then a dramatic walk off.

 RACHAEL:

RR tells us that she is excited for her last date with Matt "seriously overwhelming" "can we just start our life together already?" Except OMCH is weirdly leaning against her door frame when she thinks Matt will be there. OMCH tells RR that the show is respecting Matt's need for "some time" so she will not be having a day date.

OBVIOUSLY this leaves RR crying "Like OBVIOUSLY he is having doubts."

  Matt tells us that he is questioning "what it means to be a man and a husband"…"maybe I need to hold that ring in my hand" because OBVIOUSLY the show STILL brought Neil Lane on to pimp his rings even as Matt is crumbling…gotta fulfill those show contracts.

While Matt looks at rings I look at Apple Watches, I suspect only one of us will have a longer commitment to the high value 'purchase' we are making.

Did Matt just say "Can I touch it?" to holding a ring? Bro, it is not a stick of dynamite.

This batch of engagement rings is much better than the usual and that says a lot.

  Back to RR's room and I am happy to see that he white sheets remain only on the bed. As RR sits around 'alone' moping in her short robe there is a knock on the door and a note is slipped under it; then we get some all-time terrible suspension of belief editing. RR sits back on her couch and we get an over the shoulder look of her removing the note card, we then cut to a shot of her on the couch pulling the card out but there is NO camera behind her, we then cut back to her with the card completely out of the envelope and an over the shoulder shot held super clear and steady for the camera to catch it all, a note from Matt apologizing for making her wait and an invite to the lake, also observe that we hear RR read the note but never see her lips moving while reading it.

  TO PROPOSE OR NOT TO PROPOSE:

  Matt is at the proposal site and OMCH asks if he knows what he is going to do and Matt's response is "I think it is all going to come to me when I see her." I know I am a terrible person for hoping he pulls a Juan Pablo but RR deserves none of our empathy.

 RR walks up and she is heavy breathing but I wonder if some of that is because she has to be freezing in that dress with a back cut out in Fall/Winter in the north east (shout out Tami of my Bach group who thinks the producers are sadists for their location picking).

Because of Matt's ditching of the date RR's profession of love sounds like someone in a job interview trying to overcome the skepticism they are feeling from the interviewer.

 Matt takes RR's hand in his and OBVIOUSLY brings up his dad again. Matt tells RR that he "cannot propose to you today…but that does not mean I want to lose you…I want to leave here with you…and I want to commit to you…and the truth is that I love you." The Juan Pablo-lite!

Allow me the harshest moment of cynicism and just zero benefit of the doubt – at the start of this season I told you Matt was picking a white girl, early in this season I told you Matt was not getting engaged, early in this season I told you he had more chemistry with his bro than with all of these women: is it wrong of me to think that Matt has found a scapegoat in his dad? Again this does not mean the dad is not a terrible person, or that Matt has terrible trauma from his childhood and how his parents appear to play him off each other but the dad really began to feel like a crutch like how "right reasons" was a crutch for so many seasons. Okay back to roses and light…Matt and RR commit to staying together but not getting engaged.

 ATFR:

Hosted by LIFETIME LONGHORN Emmanuel Acho.

As Acho says with OMCH gone "this is the most shocking ATFR ever."

Acho saying the quite part out loud, this show barely works as a vehicle for love -

Michelle tells us that Matt refused to speak to her to give her closure after he rejected her on the show. Mich and Acho touch on the RR photos and OMCH's defense of her but as expected they cannot go as hard on it as I would like them to.

  Matt and his beard come out and he gives Mich no chance to refuse his hug.

If Mich immediately hit Matt with a Lizzo "YOU COULDA HAD A BAD BITCH" when he said "It's been hard" describing his last few months could we blame her?

 

Mich tells Matt she was not okay after Matt left her with no opportunity. Mich mentions producers were in her room watching her breakdown and Matt intimates that he was not told how much she wanted to speak to him – Producers strike again! I told you already, this show wanted RR to be the prize they steered it the way they wanted it.

Acho swinging where OMCH treads lightly "Michelle you may never see Matt again…is there anything you want to share?" And Mich again showing her funny side tells Matt that she hopes he learns to kiss with his eyes closed and to respond with more than "thank you for sharing" when someone pours their heart out.

I love that Acho is talking with Matt not at Matt. This is a conversation so much of America would take for granted but persons like myself struggle with the realities of this conversation daily. I am the front facing black attorney at my firm, I take that seriously; my white colleagues can say anything they want, but I know that anything I say is viewed through a different lens and I cannot afford to let down the others whose journey I feel is on my shoulders. So for as much as I clown Matt I completely feel empathy for this young Brother's journey, I cannot imagine the stress of being mid 20s and trying to carry this franchise forward (all while knowing you are going to pick a white woman).

  Matt tells us how it is to find out the woman you are dating might be racist, he did what every guy I know who has dated outside their race and had a moment of understanding does, you initially deny it – Again a personal moment (and I make no apology for constantly breaking into things that are mine because A. My blog, B. I am the same shade as Matt, we have a shared experience) I once dated a girl whose dad was a virulent racist, I tried to pretend it was not a thing, but it was and after a few months together we had to part ways, it was just not something I could get past even though when I first learned about it I thought "Nah that cannot be true, she is nothing like her dad."

 Matt tells us that he and RR are no longer together and Acho asks if her actions of 3 years should still be held against her now. Matt hits us with reality RR "needs to work on what she needs to do" I am good with that, we do not need the black man having to work to rehabilitate the white girl's image.

 Guys can we just say, thank goodness OMCH put his foot in his mouth during the interview with Rachel Lindsay because I cannot imagine how bad this night would be if we had OMCH on here coddling RR.

 RR comes out and I know it is because of the situation but the dress feels bold.

  Acho tells us that for the sake of educating people they will put up a photo from the antebellum party that RR attended and then the show puts up the mildest photo from that party. That photo feels designed to make people who have not seen the other photos go "oh that is not that bad."

Acho asks why RR took so long to apologize but her answer is trite.

RR tells Matt that she understands why they broke up, as if she could take any other tact.

Instead of telling us what is immediately on his mind, Matt stares a lot at RR while rubbing his fingers together and Rachel rubs his shoulder,

I get the sense that this is a man broken by realizing that he was suckered by a show and a franchise that willingly set him up.

Finally when he speaks "The most disappointing thing to me was having to explain to you why what I saw was problematic." Is this insight into RR's initial reaction? Did she really push back at Matt telling her why what she did was wrong?

RR says to Matt "…as I said to you...you were the only reason I did the show" so yup she did push back.

When asked if they would like one final embrace the pair forms an ice cube between them.

BACHELORETTE REVEAL: 

 The show tries to be slick and bring out Katie and Michelle at the same time and Katie walks in front of Michelle. Both will be the Bachelorette, Katie will go first, le sigh. 

Back to cynical CALI J - Covid has killed TV production and ABC needs content so that is why we are getting two Bachelorettes in the same year.
 

Bachelor recap or "Oh Daddy where art thou?" ..."living in your mind rent free on each date son"

 So my bachelor group and I have been discussing the fact that this season has become a chore to get through and I suspect much of this is the lack of charisma that we’ve been shown re Matt as well as many of the women; for instance Michelle seems like a riot when you look at the bloopers but the body of the show has her looking like an average contestant. But my main thought is it’s just hard to stomach watching Chris Harrison (“OMCH”) and Rachael as they go through the motions and pretend that aligning a potential racist with a black man is a good idea.

I suspect that if you are the type to be reading this blog, you are also the type to have watched many of the dating shows that lit up 2020 so for instance - ‘Indian matchmaking’ and ‘love is blind’: Now granted those shows had much shorter seasons, and less historical precedents to breed fatigue but those were quick and easy watches, and their last two episodes did not come with the strain of can I make it through watching this? And if the Bachelor is seeking to improve, they could stand to copy from Indian matchmaking with the use of ‘bio data‘ can you imagine if we had gotten the full bio data on Rachael and it showed “loves to attend antebellum parties praising the old south” we might’ve actually gotten an idea of who she was from episode one. I also firmly believe the show needs to post all the bios at least a month before filming the first episode to give the internet sleuths a chance to let them know how bad their background check continues to be...unless they really do want to keep bringing on terrible people. 

 I am surprised Rachael and OMCH have not had a pizza summit yet - This guy would host them

The show continues to do cold opens so we get Bri and Matt in bed and Rachael crying "I am in love with Matt and he is with another woman." I have been honest that I got into this show because of my love of seeing dramatic tears (hate tears in my real life) so Rachael's tears are delicious to me. 

I just realized that for the last 6 weeks of this show I have either had drinks or an ice cream sandwich at the start of the show...this show is terrible for my diet, but a homemade M&M sugar cookie ice cream sandwich is just too hard to resist. 

Oh look this couch of destiny is huge when you do not have 18 women crammed on it. 

Here comes OMCH to explain to the women what is coming up...you know if the show wanted to edit him out this could easily have been cut, or they could have just shown footage of the women and do VO with OMCH. If you have any thoughts that this show actually cares about us, you might be the type to snitch to the 'woke police.' 

 Matt tells us that for his relationships with the women to move forward he needs to have a conversation, one that will teach him about long term relationships so he tells us that he needs to have a conversation with...his dad? Remember episode ONE when we were told that Matt's dad left him and his mom to fend for themselves? This feels suspiciously forced, it is like someone coming to me and saying "I need help on avoiding ice cream and you are the perfect person to talk to since you eat it EVERY NIGHT!" 

Does not look like Matt got his height from his pops. Matt says harboring negativity to his dad has hampered his relationships...again episode ONE Matt told us he has never been in love...so which relationships did it hamper, your 'we hanging out' relationships? Matt's dad might be a bad person, but he is a G and uses OG phrases "You can't do that...you gotta let that go."

Matt's dad says back in the day he would not have talked to him about his feelings, and then we see the cycle of missing fathers and how it is perpetuated, Matt's dad's dad died when he was 5. 

BEFORE I GO ON, YOU KNOW WHY THIS SHOW IS GROSS? BECAUSE THIS FAMILY THERAPY SHOULD NOT BE ON THE SHOW! Matt's dad said he came home to an empty house when Matt was 2 or 3 because the mom took the kids and left, but Matt counters that she left because the dad was unfaithful. Matt asks his dad if he would want a daughter to date a man like him. We get a confessional with Matt crying because his dad would sometimes come by in his childhood "and drop off shoes and buy us pizza...I didn't need shoes"

tears on tears on tears from Matt...the producers are not protecting him one bit.

Matt tells his dad that he forgives him. Did I catch that Matt says his dad grew up in Africa? A true African American? "I love you dad, there is no hard feelings from me."

You just know the producers were high-fiving each other thinking "we really did something good here." NOPE!

 The ice-cream cookie was not enough, time for a homemade Twix. 

MICHELLE: 

Hold up Matt's interaction with his dad was the same day as his date with Michelle while walking around in his child smedium jeggings? You know my rule is I very rarely rewind so I did not but I am pretty sure that is what Matt just said!

  Matt tells Michelle that he knows it has been a stressful time so he is hooking them up with a Pennsylvania Dutch spa day...I mean okay sure. 

They do a milk bath, churn an oatmeal foot bath with their feet and slather each other with butter, this is what happens when you shun modern convenience. 

EVENING: 

Matt tells Michelle about confronting his dad and trying to be a better man "I just wanted you to know what I was working on...and that I was ready for the type of commitment that comes at the end of this." Michelle tells Matt that she is 100% in. 

Michelle says she is ready for things to get more intimate, yeah you are! 

We get the Matt move of Michelle says "I love you" and he says nothing but kisses her. Because we really needed it, as we see Matt and Michelle getting more intimate we have Rachael's VO telling us her worse fear is Matt spending the night with someone else. 

MORNING AFTER: 

With Matt and Michelle in bed and basking in the after glow Michelle asks "On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you right now?" Matt whispers "11." Michelle repeats to Matt that she loves him, he thanks her...as he walks her out (but just to the room door, do not get it twisted thinking he bothered to exit the building with her) she repeats "I love you" and he kisses her. As Michelle exits the building Matt yells "MICHELLE" at her from his balcony, you just know she thought she was about to get a late "I love you"  but he just blows her a kiss. 

Rachael is telling Bri that she woke up with knots in her stomach and Bri nervous laughs at her - Continuing the new cruel trend of the franchise, Michelle has to go back and meet up with the other 2 remaining women on the couch of destiny, Nemacolin is a ridiculously large resort but sure all three women have to stay together. 

Time for 4 sour patch kids. 

BRI: 

"Welcome to the outdoors" says Matt after Bri takes her legs off of his waist...They are going hiking and camping through the woods. DOES THIS SHOW KNOW THAT THESE ARE PEOPLE OF COLOUR? Four more sour patch kids. 

Matt in an ITM tells us that "what she does not know is I have never been camping." 

DO YOU REMEMBER MY RANT LAST SEASON WHEN IVAN GOT THAT CRAPPY OVERNIGHT DATE IN THE CAMPER WHILE THE WHITE GUYS GOT FUN DATES?...THIS IS WORSE. And yes I am yelling, this deserves yelling. 

Matt struggles to pitch a tent - Bri notices. 

Bri tells us that she thought Matt was kidding when he said they would be camping. Y'all should know from the name of the blog that I am Jamaican, let me tell you this with full honesty, if I ended up on this date I am taking the machete and chopping someone, bout yuh a tell bad man fi chop wood pon national TV fi a date? Eediat ting dat, sumbody haffi get a chop. Man wuk too damn hard in life fi go inna di woods and sit pon tree stump! Dem batty, a mus murdah di man dem waan mi murdah somebody. TREE STUMP, not even a rahtid camping chair, tree stump no sah! Show woulda dun right deh so. Imagine mi good good bredren dem a yahd a look pon tv and see man a look like Maroon inna di Cockpit Country a camp. Dem waan man call dem Massa and pick the cotton for the sleeping bags too? 

EVENING PORTION: 

Luckily they go back to 'civilization' for their dinner date. Bri is stunning in an earth tone body hugging dress. 

Matt and Bri share bad dad stories before reading the "let's go sleep together card" and heading to a room that looks like it was designed by a hunter who watched Martha Stewart one time! 

Morning: 

And we get the recap of the cold open "I could get used to this" "Was last night what you expected?" "It was everything that I expected and more" as Bri rubs Matt's chest. "Last night just reaffirms that I love you" and so of course Matt kisses Bri rather than answering. 

Matt tells us "this is the second woman to say they are in love with me...it is not going to be easy sending someone home." 

As Rachael hears the door open and hears footsteps she sighs and says "I don't want to see her" is that because you are in love with Matt or BECAUSE YOU HATE BROWN PEOPLE? Bri walks in beaming "How are you guys?" 

Rachael says "I am going to go off and get ready for my date" then we see her bawling on her bed and all I hear in my head is "TAY KEITH"

This show is really trying HARD to give Rachael the empathy edit, y'all are not slick. You are not increasing your viewership this way, we see you! "I know that this is love because I don't feel like I can live without him." 

RACHAEL: 

Matt "this time with Rachael I could not be more excited." 

Rachael walks up in an outfit that is not cute, that shirt was not built for her frame. Rachael's enthusiasm towards Matt as they walk together could be best described as wet paper towel. 

I am lazy so we are going to Rach - Matt and Rach take a pottery class together while Rach has sour milk face for much of the date.

Rach stops the date to tell Matt she needs to talk to him while looking like Mayo that has gone bad. Rach tells Matt that this week was the lowest time for her as she waited for Matt to go on his dates, then claims she wants Matt to explore all the other relationships. 

Matt is the same guy who tells us that Victoria is funny and apologized to her at the 'Women Tell All' so if you think this tactic by Rach is not going to work, I have some camping gear I would love to sell you, it is well used...

Matt makes sure to reassure Rach and say "I am falling in love with you" to which she responds with "I am head over heels in love with you." So back to the pottery...as Rach gets to spread white clay all over Matt making him whiter...acceptable to her now. 

EVENING:

Rach and Matt exchange insecurities or as this show does it; meaningless banter before the "use this card to find the location of the condoms" card is read. Like with the other 2 women Matt has Rach read the card and I keep joking that he cannot read. 

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE BLOODY KIDDING ME - FIREWORKS? They got fireworks when they entered the bedroom. A producer might as well have walked in with Neil Lane and said "look bro we want you to get her finger sized." 

And so what? We do not see the morning after with Matt and Rach? We trying to keep her classy? Pretend that she remained pure? What is this sudden scruples? 

ROSE CEREMONY: 

Michelle arrives first and tells OMCH that "I am there" because after explaining to OMCH all her emotions this fool just cuts her off with "But you are there!"

Bri arrives next OMCH asks "How are you feeling?" Bri explains and OMCH's response is "Well, ready or not, head on inside." What is the point of talking to these women OMCH if you do not care one iota about their responses? 

Rach arrives and by now you know the question "How are you feeling?" But with her OMCH banters back with "no doubts" then ASKS "Well you ready?" waits for an answer then "All right, head on inside." 

It is these microaggressions towards our people you start to notice more and more when OMCH gets to freely talk without publicity hacks beside him and let's you know what the real-real is.

The first rose goes to Michelle, mildest of surprises here, and the final rose goes to oh come on you know who it goes to, no way was Matt riding more than the half-black express to the final episode, if Bri had gotten that final rose it would have been 2 half-black women which cumulatively would be one black woman finally making it to the end of this show (yes I am that desperate I would count it as a win) BUT nah...Rach gets the rose. 

So Bri, you gonna get that job back or nah? Falling off that ATV was worth it or nah?

The Bloopers - show us that Matt and Bri cannot make smores, maybe that is why she got sent home. 

Bachelor recap or lets make the women into viragos

 

I am of the belief that if Chris Harrison (“OMCH”) had immediately issued a proper apology he would not be stepping down even temporarily for the ‘After The Final Rose’ episode, this country is VERY forgiving to the oppressor while traditionally making the victims have to fight for every step of progress.

OMCH showed no early remorse, his sorry was that he was caught slipping, not that he was apologetic for his harm. If you think this franchise does not have a prejudice problem look at Rachael’s family’s Tik tok’s her family’s donations etc., this is a featured ‘star’? The show showed so much care for Rachael and less for the people that were harmed and continued to story-line feature her even as more and more of the information regarding her prejudices came out, AND note, the show has at no point bothered to put up even the mildest of disclaimers like “this was filmed in X-month, before information came out regarding one of our contestants” do something like this so that the ignorant will learn that there are consequences; allow the ones who think “this is just a tv show” to realize that there is more to it AND for goodness sake ADDRESS IT SO THAT YOUR BIPOC CONTESTANTS AND LEADS ARE NOT THE ONES FACING SOCIAL MEDIA OUTRAGE without the sheltering umbrella of this franchise…it is 2 simple words we use all the time but come on Bach franchise – “DO BETTER!”

Since I am already talking about icky stuff, let me recommend ‘Allen v Farrow’ the HBO documentary series. I might be one of the few cinephiles who has NEVER watched a Woody Allen movie, my parents kept me from them as a kid because of the rumors re Woody and once I was old enough to decide for myself I chose the option of “I cannot watch this guy, something is just off about him.” I have never understood how so much of Hollywood appears complicit with him. I worked in Hollywood for a little while and so many of my coworkers were staunch defenders of Woody while quietly saying they thought he was ‘guilty’ but his “art was too good to abandon.”

Woody Allen and R Kelly are both sides of the same coin to me and if you condemn one you should condemn the other…just saying – Both basically put clues in their art and if you read the synopsis of the movie ‘Manhattan’ and do not realize that, that is a confessional disguised as a movie, I guess that we are just on different plains.

Let's start the show - "Previously recorded on February 4, 2021" you aint slick ABC. 

These episodes are often pretty boring, fingers crossed.

OMCH tells us it is a very special episode...you know an apology would make this special. But if you need proof that his opening is standard -

Khaylah's eyebrows are arched super HIGH! 

I would not have thought it possible but some of these women have lost even more weight. 

The recap clip of Matt immediately shows him shirtless. I enjoyed the recap clip where Jessenia hits MJ with her government "You know what MEREDITH!" MJ's hair is fluffier than it was on the show...I will leave it at that. 

Victoria continues her trend of terrible bras and terrible attitude. Ryan says she was demeaned by Victoria and Victoria's sad attempt at gaslighting is to ask Ryan "are you a sensitive person?" 

Katie, sigh (I warned y'all about this woman) called it "karma" that some of the women are getting threats via the web. Strange how nice Victoria seems to Katie but not to the BIPOC women, strange. 

Hot seat: 

First participant is Brittany so we get the replay of Anna's accusation that Brittany is/was an escort. Anna apologizes to Brittany and says "everything I did was wrong." Brittany is wary of the apology because Anna never reached out to her after the show and may have continued to spread rumors about her after their time on the show ended. 

Victoria tries to chime in as if she wants to help but nope. 

While watching I am also looking up Twix recipes and this is a leading question on google "Is there really a left and right Twix factory?"

The show airs some unseen footage:

1st clip - women having to push their hands into boxes of insects to try and find hidden rings. 

 

2nd an eating challenge for the date hosted by Ben Higgins (which explains why I noted in a recap earlier in the season that there did not seem much to the Ben appearance). Not shockingly Victoria cheated as part of the pancake eating and beer drinking challenge. 

3rd A hide and seek challenge where Kit apparently gets lost in the woods while others on the date got to go hot tubbing with Matt. 

4th Chugging raw eggs "Egg its my biggest fear" said by MJ, who clearly lacks struggle in her life. Katie throws up after attempting to swallow her raw egg. OMCH then calls out MJ "eggs are your biggest fear?" Some of the women were decent at swallowing the unborns...

Hot seat: 

Katie acknowledges that she did not stand a chance with Matt when she sees the relationships Matt had with those women. At 30 Katie is worried she is running out of time, sigh. 

Abigail - just before she sits on the hot seat we get a clip of Matt telling us that his first kiss ever was a terrible kiss involving him maiming the recipient and this fits with every kiss we have seen him give on the show. Abigail reiterates her shock at being let go by Matt with zero warning. Abigail has a positive hot seat experience and continues to show representation matters.

Pieper - rocking an "you can only wear this if you are young" outfit. Pieper says "I was definitely in love with Matt." 

Serena P. - I still do not think she looks 23 but she looks a bit more youthful here than during the season, I think she is going to be one of those lucky people who look older than their age initially but then will age slowly. 

Time for Matt: 

And discussion about his beard - "I came out of this a little bit wiser" Matt really thinks that facial hair will make him look wiser. I am confused as to why Matt is singling out MJ for a special shout out, he really loves his snow bunnies. 

Either the barber took Matt's fade down too low or his hair is thinning. 

And now Matt is giving Victoria unnecessary love "I know your heart" come on dude we all love vanilla, it is the most popular ice cream flavor for a reason but WHAT THE HELL is this protectionist attitude? Matt even apologizes to Victoria! 

The show had to feature Matt's constant kissing with his eyes open! 

Bloopers: 

Serena P and Matt's date with livestock was not very strong and featured plenty of defecation 

Bri apparently cannot hold her champagne. 

Like with every season there is a round of bugs. 

We get to see the rumoured Jojo, Tayshia and Matt hang out that we never got to see during the season 

- where they sample hot wings and get defeated by them.

Brittany cannot say the word 'compartmentalizing' 

Plenty of physical bloopers, especially highlighting Matt's clumsiness. 

AND FINALLY a Bach admitting to a boner! 

We literally get a minute of Victoria overusing "literally."

I should have uncrossed my fingers...BORING!