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Friday, February 04, 2011

Jersey Shore or “you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers”

Is the Sitch really hitting on the girl with the line “I’ve got Situation pajamas for real”. Any girl that has watched the show has to know what that means.

I worry when I like Ronnie’s actions towards Sammie…cause I do not want to feel like a misogynist. But then Nicole loves it, so I do not feel too horrible. However, no matter how bad I feel about Ron’s treatment of Sammie…the fact that Sitch is trying to smush in a room that contains a couple puking almost requires a special award. I cannot think of one because I am so disgusted, but it needs an award.

Snooks fell asleep in the dog enclosure. Hahah why does that feel so right?

“Why is Ronnie bleeding out of his ass?” Hahah Sammie seems way too happy to say that. Watching the doctor explore Ronnie’s anus on TV is disturbing…come on MTV we could have had this closed door. So Ronnie’s bleeding may be caused from too much drinking? Cot damn dude, you drink way too much when that is an issue. I have friends who are raging alcoholics and this is not even close to happening to them…or maybe it is and they keep it A BLOODY SECRET.

So the topic in the car is female masturbation: This sadly is what I think will be the deepest conversation of the show and we are only 10 minutes in…maybe I should stop watching this show. But Nicole and Ofelia would kill me. Snooks rides a tricycle and breaks it, no, really, no one saw that coming.

“I told him I am taking his sperm” Snooks keeps her position as the #1 contender for the Situation’s poet laureate crown. Watching these kids out at clubs I remember my college days…and I really hope I was not like this group. Though, sometimes I do have flash backs to Spring Break in South Padre – not saying it was anything like this and since I never lie, I will just stop talking about my memories. I love that Deena blatantly tells everyone that they need to go home immediately because she has plans ‘to cuddle’. But then in a surprise move tells us that “it is not Halloween I am not hiding out candy for free, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers” watch out Snooks you may lose that contender status – then Deena immediately gives it up. Somewhere Chapelle as Rick James is laughing “Yeah I stepped on your couch”. Back to contender status, Snooks in the middle of sexual escapades announces “ugh…my period” now you might wonder how could that put her back to #1 but really, it is short sweet and effective it lets you immediately know what is happening.

Snooks explains to us why she never enters the ocean and why it is salty (she also shows us that she is a brilliant scientist as well as the #1 C.) “It is all whale sperm”. Is it bad of me that I would think that, that would be an incentive for her to enter the ocean?

Oh no, did that idiot really think that Pauly D was an answering service? Answer: Yes. The usual ‘Skins’ ad aside: Why is it that none of their ads grab my attention or even make me want to consider their show? But the Ronnie Xenedrine ads? Whew that level of bad acting cannot be skipped through, I have to stop and watch him try to read his lines every time.

I noticed 2 things while the girls were at the sex store: Deena clearly got jealous at how Jwoww looked and secondly Sammie looked like she went because she felt it was an obligation.

“What don’t I do for Sam, beside wipe her ass and cook for her?” Ron sneaking into the contender ring – Watch your backs Snooks and Deena.
The T-shirt job gig is so blatantly fake: they make about 30G an episode they clearly do not need or care about this job. Their boss noted that they came in 2 hours late and they are not even wearing their ‘work t-shirts’ and they do not even try to apologize instead they attack him. The t-shirt shop just needs them for free publicity because otherwise they are the worst workers on earth.
Another show that just cannot grab me is ‘My life as Liz’ it looks horrendous. Nothing in its ads makes me feel like it is for me.

“Face down ass up that is the way I like to have a good time” Deena is really rolling for the crown. Oh and yes Tracy “Face down ass up” is a song! Deena asks Pauly D a valid question “Are you really bringing the stalker home?” Pauly complained for much of the first season that a girl was a stalker, then she throws a drink in his face this season…and he brings her home. Damn this chick is sitting through a million stalker jokes and she has the crazy eyes. She is NOT meeting the proper ratio of hot to crazy. Hot Crazy scale HIMYM watch and laugh

Ronnie and Sammie are fighting surprise, surprise. They are breaking up AGAIN. Sammie wants him to look her in the face to break up…then when he does she wants to talk some more. Methinks the lady did not think she would get called out. ‘Drive Angry’ – they have clearly run out of movie titles and Nick Cage will take anything offered, I doubt he even reads a script anymore he just hears he has a role and he signs the contract.

Oh wow, before seeing the show I told Nicole that I think Sammie was only on the show because Ronnie was there. And then Ronnie basically calls her out with my exact words. I am slightly afraid when Ronnie says things like “her not being with me, I can make her time here miserable”. That is the kind of thing you hear from dudes that well…let’s just leave that alone.

And I was right, female masturbation was the deepest convo of the episode.

1 comment:

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.