Infrequently updated consistently funny

Thursday, August 25, 2011

My bicycle is faster than your bike!

As I often say you have to make the little things make you smile.
So riding back from the gym I was very, very sore; not the regular sore like "yeah I feel good I am sore cause I worked out like a monster". Nope I was sore like injured sore. A little background: On Monday while watching TV and staring at my roomies ab-roller it occurred to me that since I was just sitting there and it was just sitting there I might as well just use it. So throughout the movie I did 1000 situps and 50 bicycle kicks. No exaggeration at all in that number that is what I did. My original target was 100 situps and 50 bicycle kicks but the ab-roller made it so damn easy I just kept going and once I hit the 600 mark I decided I had to get to a 1000.

Well once I hit the 1k mark I pretty much lay there bit sore bit tired not too bad. Then I went to the gym yesterday (Wednesday) just 2 days later. Did a great back work out, figured hey "remember on monday when you said you would do 25 situps a night, well you skipped yesterday so use the ab roller here and do a 100". Well I think my brain was trying to protect me on Tuesday by making me skip that night! Once I got on the ab roller I felt sore. But of course I am a guy so hey "sore is good right?" I did a set of 20, felt harder than I expected. Put the legs up higher did a set of 30, sore, not too bad...did a set of 25 and started gasping...take a longer rest, no need to sit up straight. Did the 'final' set of 25 and got to 19 and then nearly started crying in the gym. My abs locked up and felt like someone had stabbed me in the lower abdominal. I grabbed the railing forced myself to a sitting position trying to 'look cool' cause really I could not have anyone at the gym thinking I had just hurt myself on an AB-MACHINE (I mean to be fair if I saw someone suddenly look like they were in pain I would chuckle too).

So I sat on the machine taking deep breaths trying to calm my body cause I really really wanted to cry out in pain and to look like I wasn't just sitting there (and really I was because I could NOT get up) I just kept bobbing my head as if listening to music while really on my ipod was the Tony Kornheiser show which is TALK radio. But damn it if I was not going to pose like I was a G! I started to have horror thoughts of having to take my phone and call down to the front desk and beg them to have a trainer come and lift me off the damn machine. Thankfully after a minute the abs calmed down enough for me to get up slowly and walk down to the locker room. And then the thought of horror hit me...I still had to ride home and if you are a rider you know YOUR ABS ARE ENGAGED WHILE RIDING.

So I unlock the bike (while wearing my new sparkly shorts) and I want to say hop on but really I leaned the bike so low to the ground that the seat was by my knees, then rolled on to it by using the curb to boost myself on. Then I start riding home! If anyone had tracked me they would have cracked up. I kept alternatively saying "Ow, Ow, Ow" and "Damn it I should just push this" sometimes hit with "Bloody THREE MILES!" So anytime I came to a stoplight if no car was in my lane I would just keep doing small turns in the lane rather than trying to lean over and put a foot down cause I was that sore. If a car was there I would actually ride up to the sign and lean on it with my shoulder just so I would not have to put my foot down.

While at one of the lights this guy with a motorcycle pulls up into my lane and revs his bike! So I look at him and he revs it again. So I did the only sensible think I clicked both brake handles 'click click' since that is pretty much the only sound you can make on a bicycle looked straight at him and yelled "You wanna race?". He looked at me like I was crazy revs again and I yelled "Guess that is a yes!" He revs, the light goes green and he PEELS OUT! I slowly push down on the pedals and start laughing...then immediately regret it because: Yup you guessed it LAUGHING USES YOUR ABS

1 comment:

MarkD60 said...

Just stopping by to say hello!

I think we'd all like to see a pic of you in your 'sparkly shorts'!

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.