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Thursday, March 06, 2014

Bachelor recap or the Women Tell Juan Pablo what they ALL think of him...

I am at that usual stage that I get to every season where the Bachelor has broken my will so much that I even forget to post recaps, it is Thursday and I just remembered to post what I wrote on Monday...forgive even more than the usual grammar and spelling mistakes - I am a broken man.

Tonight is ‘the women tell all’ and I roped my roomie in to watching it with me…somehow it makes me feel better if I claim that another person is interested in the show also.

 Then this damn show starts with Sean and Catherine how am I going to convince my roomie that this show is interesting when I have to start with this drivel. Chris Harrison asks inappropriate questions about the wedding night and Catherine says the fireworks were quick. And more questions about trying to have kids…awkward, screw talking about their fireworks, let’s get to talking about the angry lady fireworks.

 We get a creepy ad for the Muppets movie; it probably was not that creepy but now that I know so much more about him, seeing JP here just makes things creepy.

Finally we get to the Ladies and the usual run down of “I have no idea who that girl is” or “I forgot she was on the show”. The dog lover brings her dog and talks about her dog, I know she is funny but yeesh too much. The girls all recap about how hot he is and then go on to say how vacant he is.

 Many of the girls think JP uses his daughter as a shield. I laugh to see that Cassandra’s job title is “former NBA dancer”.

 They find JP disrespectful for his Clare hot tub moment while they were all on group dates.

 Sharleen does the ‘hot seat’ and we get to see a recap of their terrible kissing. A quick rehash of how little they meshed intellectually, though Sharleen tries to defend JP by calling him “very curious” and I think like the monkey?

 Renee is next – we get the recap of how desperate Renee was for a kiss and her spins of joy when the kiss finally occurred. I keep looking to see if there is a ring on her finger; E told me there was an article that Renee is already engaged to another guy. Chris Harrison asks her about her dating life and she mentions that she is in a “very good situation” and that she does “not want to jinx it.”

Andi and her aquamarine dress are next – Chris Harrison tells us that the camera’s leave the fantasy suite, thanks Chris, this whole time I thought you guys were filming porn. Andi smirks when saying “I think he thinks he is a very good bachelor.” Andi claims she faked sleep to end her conversations with JP so that the night would be over quickly. She admits to being nervous to see JP. They keep hinting that Andi is going to be the new Bachelorette with Chris, asking if she is still open to love and Andi saying she believes in the process and still wants to find love – hmm.

 JP arrives and looks nervous, or maybe he is just processing words, I cannot always tell. JP says that he is just being honest with the girls and then drops in an “It’s okay” with a huge grin. JP claims he did not go on the show to kiss 27 women – you came close buddy. Cassandra thinks JP was wrong for going on the home-town and meeting Renee’s son.

 The non-single mom girls seem to think that JP treated them unfairly.

Andi thinks JP was not on the show to find a wife.

Sharleen diplomatically responds to Chris asking if she thought he took it seriously, she says with her he did.

 The dog lover is mad at JP for calling Gays “perverts” and reveals that she has a gay parent, JP claims he cannot address the subject in just 4 minutes but would talk to her for an hour.
Victoria who came from Brazil gets mad at JP for using English as a second language and Sharleen again defends him.

 JP in the bloopers claims to have a little package (he does not understand what it means). He says its okay to everyone in the montage proving Andi’s point and his, simultaneously.

I think we see a woman in the audience crying over the previews to next week…It's okay, my dear my soul is crying too.


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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.