Bachelorette recap or the Men Tell all to each other not the hosts.

 Time for the Men-Tell-All hosted by Tayshia and Kaitlyn. To say Tayshia and Kaitlyn are dressed to stun is too simple, their outfits are eye-catching even if part of what is catching my eye is trying to figure out how to describe Kaitlyn's green velvet look. 

The guys are introduced and Olu is once again in a bright suit, Rodney gets a tonne of fan love. 

Some ABC cross promotion when Will and Peter have the first confrontation and Will says Peter should have gone on "Shark Tank" since he only "wanted to promote his business."

Casey yells that if it was not "about Peter and Pizza" it never came out of Peter's mouth.

Will tells Peter to tell his sister to stay out of his DMs. There are accusations that Will has been slandering Peter via reviews of his pizzeria "Pizza tasted like it was drenched in pool water" which definitely seems related to Will. A (I am guessing fake) process server comes out to serve Will with a suit which Peter says is an example of what will happen to Will "in real life...Rest in Pizza!"

 Pardeep says more to Ryan calling him out for wanting to be viral and carrying notes into the house than he said in 2 episodes on the show. Just in case you forgot this is Pardeep: 

Martin says he lied to Michelle because he felt disrespected. Martin is accused of having a girlfriend throughout his time on the show. 

Olu to Chris S "Don't you ever say I have a low IQ, you are looking at Black Excellence here...I have a whole Masters degree." Olu tells Chris to look him in his eye but that will not happen. 

OH NO "JUDGE STEVE HARVEY"? We are giving Steve Harvey a 'court' show. 

Jamie comes out to a completely silent crowd and some scowls from the ladies seated right behind him. After the recap of Jamie's time on the show is played the crowd is hissing.

You can tell the show really wants Jamie to get hammered because he gets the rare hot seat that extends through a commercial break. The guys lecture Jamie and he equivocates with all his answers. Jamie is accused by PJ of "lying by omission." 

Rick gets some time on the hot seat - he and Rodney are two gimmick guys that probably went further than most would expect just based on their initial introductions.

A covered platter is rolled out and it is a cake replica of Rick's head and the ladies instruct him to take a bit and he takes a massive bite out of the top of the head.

 

Just before it is Rodney's time in the hot seat we get another example of why it has sometimes been problematic having Tayshia and Kaitlyn as hosts,

some of the energy of the show is sucked up by their personalities and dealing with their lives, we get the public reveal of Tayshia and Zak being broken up leading to this awkward transition from Kaitlyn "from one broken heart to another" and Rodney when he makes it to the hot seat says "sorry to hear about that" to Tayshia. Look I do not miss Chris Harrison even a a little bit but the good thing about his blandness was that he was a steward to the show not really a part of the show, he had a divorce during the time of his hosting and it was not a part of the show. So as Rodney gets settled in his seat Tayshia gets up and walks away the best is Kaitlyn trying to show concern on her face as Tayshia is walking away.  Minus the Tayshia drama Rodney has a pleasant hot seat. 

We come back from commercial and Tayshia is beaming to welcome us back, sigh, there was no chance she didn't know the question re her breakup was coming and it just feels so contrived. 

Time for some fun recaps including the guys sculpting 90lb blocks of butter and while everyone is laughing the Jamaican in me is screaming "UNUU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE BUTTER IS AND YUH AGO WASTE IT PON DEM UNTALENTED BRETHREN?"

Shockingly some of the sculptures were actually decent with Nayte's the best (so finally he beat Joe in something). After a clip of Rodney making a ridiculously lucky basketball shot

we get a clearly faked streaker since the show's security let him completely disrobe while saying in falsetto "We love you Rodney" repeatedly, then the streaker gets to parade in front of the guys, the crowd and the hosts before security finally shows up...the same security that is on the stage in a flash if guys look like they are going to fight waited until someone literally took off layers and made it down stairs and jogged around to shake his little bits before apprehending, at least if you are going to insult our intelligence try to make it look real? At least realer than Kaitlyn trying to react to it. 

I as is my wont kept my head down so I did not see who the ladies on Clayton's previews were when it came to the drama but I admit it was tough to not look up when Clayton confesses "I was intimate with both of you" if the show showed who he was talking to that is a big spoiler for the season! 

Michelle comes out and many of the guys say quick bites to Michelle, Jamie of course gives a long winded speech which opens him up for Michelle to smack him down and the crowd cheers her on for it. Jamie might truly be a psychopath and I am intrigued by his inability to give a straight answer, Jamie finally sees that his slash and burn strategy is failing so he gives an apology to Michelle and the guys and finally gets his first applause of the show. 

The Bloopers had me chuckling especially as Michelle's highly competitive side comes out to the point that she fell off a chair trying to catch food in her mouth. 

After Pater gets some promotion by providing Pizza for the cast he and Will "bury the hatchet bro" and hug it out. 

Some of these guys like Pardeep are sneakily tall. 

Bachelorette recap or let's run and jump into this episode.

 The night starts with Michelle ("Mich") and Tayshia ("Tay") walking together for a 'girl chat' about the 4 remaining guys and what Mich needs to look for, the timing is a bit awkward when news has just recently broken that Tay and Zack broke up. Tay is excited for Mich to see the guys in their "true authentic self, you cant hide." 

Kaitlyn tells the guys the most important peeps in their lives are here to see them. 

Brandon is up first; his mom, dad and brother Noah are there; Noah delayed going to the Navy for this...guess the nation's security can wait. 

Brandon's "home town": 

Want to be that run and jump into the arms is going to be a thing?

He takes Mich to a makeshift skate park..."do I look like I am 14 again?" I expect my friend to text me "yes." 

Brandon is looking very awkward skating for Mich, Mich is kind "he just needs to knock the rust off." 

Family: 

Noah takes Mich aside first and raises the generic concern that she is with 3 others...at this point you know what the show is!

Brandon's parents ask him why Mich - he says "the way she carries herself" and her strength. Do we talk about the prevalence of interracial families here with Black Dad white mom? This has flowed straight from Matt's season. 

Brandon's family likes Mich. Mich tells Brandon that "after today it is very clear that I am falling for you." Obligatory make out session. 

Rodney's "home town": 

Ahem - 

Rodney and Mich go apple picking to find the 'first kiss' apple.

"I truly think that Mich and I have really strong chemistry" they do, but there is  more of a fun vibe than the same type of sexual energy that i see with her and the others. 

Family: 
GUYS - white momma, black poppa - did the show seek this out? Granted here it is a step dad but ahem, no way Rodney's biological dad was not black, mom's has a type, you go girl. 

Rodney's mom is in tears Carrie says "Rodney and I are close to being best friends." 

It all went well. 

Joe's home town: 

As the guy remaining who is actually from Minnesota he can actually take her to his hometown and he first takes her to his high school, sounds like Joe was not strong on academics. 

Joe 'surprises' Mich with a prom theme and the decorations have them listed as prom King and Queen.

The couple is having fun they both have a dance move I recognize as the "generic music is playing because of licensing rights so I cannot let loose to any song that I know while being watched by millions so I will just do small movements to convey that I have some hidden energy." 

Family: 

White mom, Black dad, but by now you knew that was coming.

Joe and his dad have a talk that might be the most stilted we have seen on this show. Joe's dad took him aside to talk and this must have been producer driven where they said "you two MUST TALK" so they went to do it but they have NOTHING to say to each other after exchanging pleasantries. 

With his bro and sister in law ("SIL")who I have to also note, is white, I love this show - Joe opens up and says he is ready to propose, the sister in law is driving the conversation "I hope this works out because we will see her in the grocery store" since as she notes Mich lives close to them. With Mich and Joe both present the SIL still is the dominant personality, Joe's bro might as well have just been a picture on the wall.

I now really want to know how tall the bro is, while seated he did not seem that large but once unfurled he is massive. 

Nayte's "home town":

The producers must be happy that Nayte claims he loves to paddleboard since doing that activity means that 2 attractive fit people will be stripped down to swimwear. 

Mich and Nayte are giggly around each other and Nayte name drops Zilker park SHOUT OUT TO ATX! 

Family: 

And you might be shocked but Nayte's family is  A BLACK DAD AND A WHITE MOM (step dad again here) Step Dad is rocking some swag, is that a silk shirt?

Look I don't want you to think my harping on racial makeup is some level of racial animus or resentment I am the product of interracial love my black grandfather married my white grandmother during a time that Jamaica was STILL a British colony (let that sink in) so I enjoy and celebrate interracial love. It just feels weird that somehow the Bach casting committee found so many examples of this specific type of family and it shows my level of mistrust of this show that I feel like someone somewhere in casting said "get me Mulatto".

Before meeting the parents Mich tells us that Nayte never talking to his parents about women and introducing them "are red flags" but we know after Martin and Jamie Mich does not always stop at the first few red flags she sees, she might need red banners. 

Nayte's mom is worried that the couple is just swept up in the moment and not ready for the struggles of everyday couples. Nayte tells his mom that things are "moving at a different cadence, a different speed" and the mom says "that is what worries me" completely reasonable. 

And here we go, finally some tension; Nayte's dad in answering Mich's question "can Nayte get there?" to an engagement at the end of the show admits "I am not sure he can." 

Nayte to his stepdad says everything is great and new and the stepdad says "then how do you know it is real?" Nayte chuckles "You and I never just talk about stuff" his stepdad corrects him "emotions" and Nayte chuckles.

The stepdad says "never ever doubt that I love you, and that I care for you." Nayte "I love my dad to death but I want to be who you are to me for them." "First time I ever told Charles I love him" Nayte and his stepdad are opening up more on this show than any of the couples have to each other all season. The stepdad says out loud what I have been thinking all season "she is definitely more mature than him...but he will get there." 

Post the dates:
Bri and Serena come to visit Mich and this was slightly spoiled for me (shout out Lindsay) even her 'best friends' are the products of interracial relationships. Turns out going into the season Mich told the ladies she didn't think the process would work so she is eating her words. 

Rose ceremony: 

Mich says she was hoping for more clarity coming out of the hometown dates. Mich is scared that her heart could get broken by picking someone at the end who is not there for her...feels like a Nayte reference. 

This is a good looking final 4, and feels like it will be a strong example of "black don't crack" Rodney looks 'old' by comparison to this line up and he is not old looking at all. 

The roses: Brandon,  Nayte then Joe, which means that Rodney has to leave, keep your chin up homie, you are going to get a million DM slides from women who love apples. 

The teacher in Mich slides out as she lets Rodney go "I know we had conversations about you being the underdog you are not the underdog...just relationships with others grew quicker." For a half second I thought Rodney was going in for a kiss on the goodbye. 

Also, this is how the show is trying to portray Clayton for next season: 

Bloopers: 

Rodney showing his goofy side that makes him fun to be around but I wonder if it hurt him overall with Mich because he would just be the goofy fun side kick as they play around with making a joke cooking show - "How bout them apples." 

Bachelorette or are we watching a failed Bachelor edit?

 My parents DVR did not record most of the episode so I have to watch this on On Demand...I think the DVR was trying to save me from myself but I will not be deterred when it comes to harming myself. 

The guys are sitting around the couch of destiny contemplating that whomever gets a rose is going to hometowns. 
Michelle's ("Mich") initial scene has her meeting up with some of her students, and they are at the age where the girls are much more developed than the boys, to the point that one of the boys does not look like he should be in the same grade as the others. 

The kids are allegedly planning all the dates - I know most peeps will go "Awwww" I go, "can we skip ahead" I do not like the voice of kids, and I never use baby voice -I always talk to kids like they are grown folks! The female students love Olu,

they do not like Martin...maybe I take back my lack of respect for these kids they might know something "from the mouths of babes."

One of the male students asks Rodney if he shaves his nipples? BUT WHAAAT someone had to have set that up (since the answer was yes) no way a kid looks a grown man in the face and asks that.  
Clayton getting that Bach edit builds a fort with the kids...sigh "probably the best fort I have ever seen" said by the kid whose voice sounds like nails on a chalk board. 

At the end of their time with the guys the kids leave a date card.  Joe, Brandon and Rick only make an appearance when the date card is read. 

One on one: 

This might be Michelle's first outfit that I do not like, does she look good in it? Sure, as much as she can make that work, but I am not a fan of it. Clayton is the 'winner' of the date and it is a pizza and candy date in the back of a limo. Clayton looks like a mountain when in the enclosed space of the limo with Michelle, it is almost intimidating looking. 

The date continues to a museum that is apparently a favorite of the kids, so the couple plays tag and imitate bird mating calls and mating dances.

I will admit I zoned out a bit on this date, it is tame, it has kids pretending to be precocious and a bland dude that is not suited for the lead I am good with just letting it pass by. 

Back to the hotel and a date card arrives "love is messy" by not hearing his name Brandon is assured the one on one date: this leaves Olu disappointed because he will now be the only man remaining to not get a one one one date. 

Back to the Milquetoast date: Clayton's big reveal is that he has been chasing success and now he wants to settle down, YAWN! Michelle tells us that "Clayton is a wonderful guy but I have 8 great guys and I have to make difficult decisions." Michelle is not sure about Clayton or about Clayton meeting her family...

By now you may have seen the spoilers if you have not, just skip to the next paragraph after this one bordered by ellipses...(and yes I know that is not how they are supposed to be used)  Michelle tells Clayton that she is not feeling him and he cannot get the rose, which means he is being eliminated so Clayton is placing 8th

...and yet still he got the Bach lead? Like Katie who barely made it into the top 10 and was Bachelorette? YOU WANNA SEE PRIVILEGE? This is privilege, this stinks of someone even before the season started determining that no matter where Clayton placed he was going to be Bach. NOTHING he showed us screams he should be Bach other than being, tall, good looking and WHITE! Do y'all remember how wack Katie's season was, and how wack her post show life has been and we are running into this again? DID THE KID'S CHOOSE HIM?...

Clayton is eliminated but he shares a goodbye plus hugs with the kids and the kids write him goodbye notes to cheer him up and commiserate. 

Group Date: 

The guys go to a farm and Rick is much more comfortable at milking a cow than Rodney who tries to talk and joke his way through the cow's reaction to him touching her udders. 

Joe beats Nayte in their milking competition and Mich says "Joe knows how to handle teats." "Churning butter is a lot like relationships, you gotta put in effort and in the end you have something beautiful" Mich blink twice if they are forcing you to make these terrible puns and analogies.

  Joe outperforms Nayte as he lets us know in - milking a cow, nursing a calf and churning butter. Nayte pretends to hurt his back to try to spend some time with Mich while the men are shoveling manure which Mich tells us is important because she plans to have kids some day and the men need to know how to clean up...I know she is a teacher so I hope she knows kids will not produce this much. Mich shows off her muscles and work ethic while Nayte loafs. 

Evening: 
Michelle is in a banging dress. 

Nayte is first and he tells Michelle that his dad has always told him to never talk to him about girls so he has never brought one home - maybe the dad just wanted to only hear about guys! Natye tells Mich that he feels very strongly about her, Michelle says she is "tumbling down a hill so fast, falling for you" Nayte - "that makes me so happy" - Kisses. 

Joe is next "I had no idea you were so nurturing" Mich is a fan of Joe's skill but he snitches on himself and lets her know that his grandparents owned a dairy farm - Kisses. 

Rick tells Mich "no doubts about it" Mich "I like who you are" - Hug. 

Rodney "I know the gravity of hometown, I want you to see who I am and where I come from" - Kisses. 

Martin talking to the guys tells them that he thinks Mich has not been paying attention so he thinks that is why "she didn't understand" what he was saying...oh she understood you bro, what we as an audience do not understand (and apparently Olu also) is how Michelle is running past your red flags.

 

Martin tells Mich that he wants her to meet his family and friends "I think friends tell a lot about you" Martin continues "you handle yourself like a woman [long pause] right?" - Kisses. 

Olu tells Mich "I wanna be honest...may not benefit me...but Martin, there are some red flags" he tells Mich Martin said (due to Mich's poem from earlier in the season about some childhood trauma) "the fact that you have not dealt with your past is kind of immature" - unseen exit. 

During the forced commercial that I cannot skip past I place gold leaf on the rum cakes I made, because if we are going to go big for Thanksgiving we are going to go ALL THE WAY BIG! 

Back to the group, Michelle picks up the rose then says "Martin can we go chat for a second?"

She takes the walk with him while holding the rose. Martin tried to convince Michelle that he has not been demeaning her behind her back, and he keeps talking over her while she is trying to speak to him saying "can I speak" doing the move where you try to cut off and dominate someone while not saying the truth even after Mich points it out he says "I apologize for MAYBE speaking over you" even in his apology he equivocates.

Mich finally says she spots his red flags and her walls are up so she needs to walk him out. In the car Martin's full true colors come out, "I feel sad for her, its sad...a woman like that does not deserve my time" right after feigning a class exit with Mich and telling her that he hopes she finds her person...full on 2 face. How Martin sees himself: 

One on one:

Brandon's date card said "home is where the heart is" and allegedly planned by the kids. They start of going for ice cream, my kind of date starter.

Not sure my friend would want me to identify her as saying this but she sent me this "Brandon why's everything you say gotta sound so soft?" 
Mich takes Brandon to her childhood home and he kisses her in the car because he says he is nervous about meeting her parents she tells him the 'rents are not home, I think she is lying. Brandon put his hand over his heart when he said he was nervous, see the above text I received. 

Mich asks Brandon how he feels about taking a dip in the pool, he is down for it, then she asks "how do you feel about wearing my dad's swimsuit?" "I am cool with it?" WHAT BRO? you are okay with wearing her dad's trunks...A. not cool in general? B. You wanna get home-murdered? As a kid who grew up with a pool and YES snuck girls over to use the pool, either they bring their own suits, or they go in skivvies, you cannot be passing off parental clothing because when they have to run once you hear the electric gate open they cannot be in your parents' gear. 

So of course the Parent's come home as Mich and Brandon are hugged up in the pool, such a clear set up. I am too old for this now, but I have done the "Oh hey, this is your daughter?" face before that I recognize on Brandon but I have never done it while wearing the clothing of the parent.

When Mich and her mom are side by side it is a bit of a trip because you are seeing the same features but in different shades. I cannot help it but the country is the way it is and I look at light-skinned Brandon talking to white mom and black dad and it is something weird to see, coming off the news of the last couple weeks I honestly just worry about our Black Kings and Queens and the struggle we all face. Always remember this when you see an older mixed race couple those people went through HELL, there is no way they didn't face the worst of the worst, I came to America in 1999 and dated interracially through the 2000s and it was hell then, I cannot imagine how "iron like a lion, in Zion" interracial couples had to be in the earlier years. 

Brandon asks Mich to leave for a bit so he can get the blessing from her parents someone is jumping several steps ahead.

 

Evening portion: 

Brandon is sad that he cannot introduce Mich to his granddad because he passed away. Mich gets a bracelet from Brandon that his mom made for him with the instruction that if he was feeling Mich he should give it to her because if she sees it on Mich then she will know they should care for her as much as they care for Brandon. Mich says it is one of the most special gifts she has ever received and Brandon tells her he is falling in love with her. Brandon gets the date rose. 

Next Day: 

As Rick tells the guys this is the most important cocktail party Tayshia and Kaitlyn come in to say "good news" the process is working "bad news" Mich does not want/need to do a cocktail party. 

Rose Ceremony: 

Olu is in...an outfit, his jacket looks like what I would expect someone to wear to graduation from Clown College.

I cannot describe this thing accurately, a picture is worth a thousand words right? 

2 roses for 4 guys and I really need one to go to Rodney. 

First rose to Joe, and then the silly appearance from Tayshia and Kaitlyn (has Tayshia said anything in these "final rose of the evening" appearances for the last few times?) the final rose goes to Rodney, whew, my team lives to fight on. It is really tight in our fantasy league 3 of the teams still have guys available, but the person that has who I think is the front runner aka Nayte is team NOT ME! I have 2 guys but I am down 200 points and that is a lot to make up especially if Natye does end up winning like I fear he does. Can my guys rack up enough to chase down a front runner when i do not have strong faith in either of them being top 2? 

Bloopers: 

Clayton is hanging with one of the kids and she is painting his nails. When a producer asks the little girl what she thinks is next for Clayton she says "he will be the next Bachelor." Le Sigh.