My parents DVR did not record most of the episode so I have to watch this on On Demand...I think the DVR was trying to save me from myself but I will not be deterred when it comes to harming myself.
The guys are sitting around the couch of destiny contemplating that whomever gets a rose is going to hometowns.
Michelle's ("Mich") initial scene has her meeting up with some of her students, and they are at the age where the girls are much more developed than the boys, to the point that one of the boys does not look like he should be in the same grade as the others.
The kids are allegedly planning all the dates - I know most peeps will go "Awwww" I go, "can we skip ahead" I do not like the voice of kids, and I never use baby voice -I always talk to kids like they are grown folks! The female students love Olu,
they do not like Martin...maybe I take back my lack of respect for these kids they might know something "from the mouths of babes."
One of the male students asks Rodney if he shaves his nipples? BUT WHAAAT someone had to have set that up (since the answer was yes) no way a kid looks a grown man in the face and asks that.
Clayton getting that Bach edit builds a fort with the kids...sigh "probably the best fort I have ever seen" said by the kid whose voice sounds like nails on a chalk board.
At the end of their time with the guys the kids leave a date card. Joe, Brandon and Rick only make an appearance when the date card is read.
One on one:
This might be Michelle's first outfit that I do not like, does she look good in it? Sure, as much as she can make that work, but I am not a fan of it. Clayton is the 'winner' of the date and it is a pizza and candy date in the back of a limo. Clayton looks like a mountain when in the enclosed space of the limo with Michelle, it is almost intimidating looking.
The date continues to a museum that is apparently a favorite of the kids, so the couple plays tag and imitate bird mating calls and mating dances.
I will admit I zoned out a bit on this date, it is tame, it has kids pretending to be precocious and a bland dude that is not suited for the lead I am good with just letting it pass by.
Back to the hotel and a date card arrives "love is messy" by not hearing his name Brandon is assured the one on one date: this leaves Olu disappointed because he will now be the only man remaining to not get a one one one date.
Back to the Milquetoast date: Clayton's big reveal is that he has been chasing success and now he wants to settle down, YAWN! Michelle tells us that "Clayton is a wonderful guy but I have 8 great guys and I have to make difficult decisions." Michelle is not sure about Clayton or about Clayton meeting her family...
By now you may have seen the spoilers if you have not, just skip to the next paragraph after this one bordered by ellipses...(and yes I know that is not how they are supposed to be used) Michelle tells Clayton that she is not feeling him and he cannot get the rose, which means he is being eliminated so Clayton is placing 8th
...and yet still he got the Bach lead? Like Katie who barely made it into the top 10 and was Bachelorette? YOU WANNA SEE PRIVILEGE? This is privilege, this stinks of someone even before the season started determining that no matter where Clayton placed he was going to be Bach. NOTHING he showed us screams he should be Bach other than being, tall, good looking and WHITE! Do y'all remember how wack Katie's season was, and how wack her post show life has been and we are running into this again? DID THE KID'S CHOOSE HIM?...
Clayton is eliminated but he shares a goodbye plus hugs with the kids and the kids write him goodbye notes to cheer him up and commiserate.
Group Date:
The guys go to a farm and Rick is much more comfortable at milking a cow than Rodney who tries to talk and joke his way through the cow's reaction to him touching her udders.
Joe beats Nayte in their milking competition and Mich says "Joe knows how to handle teats." "Churning butter is a lot like relationships, you gotta put in effort and in the end you have something beautiful" Mich blink twice if they are forcing you to make these terrible puns and analogies.
Joe outperforms Nayte as he lets us know in - milking a cow, nursing a calf and churning butter. Nayte pretends to hurt his back to try to spend some time with Mich while the men are shoveling manure which Mich tells us is important because she plans to have kids some day and the men need to know how to clean up...I know she is a teacher so I hope she knows kids will not produce this much. Mich shows off her muscles and work ethic while Nayte loafs.
Evening:
Michelle is in a banging dress.
Nayte is first and he tells Michelle that his dad has always told him to never talk to him about girls so he has never brought one home - maybe the dad just wanted to only hear about guys! Natye tells Mich that he feels very strongly about her, Michelle says she is "tumbling down a hill so fast, falling for you" Nayte - "that makes me so happy" - Kisses.
Joe is next "I had no idea you were so nurturing" Mich is a fan of Joe's skill but he snitches on himself and lets her know that his grandparents owned a dairy farm - Kisses.
Rick tells Mich "no doubts about it" Mich "I like who you are" - Hug.
Rodney "I know the gravity of hometown, I want you to see who I am and where I come from" - Kisses.
Martin talking to the guys tells them that he thinks Mich has not been paying attention so he thinks that is why "she didn't understand" what he was saying...oh she understood you bro, what we as an audience do not understand (and apparently Olu also) is how Michelle is running past your red flags.
Martin tells Mich that he wants her to meet his family and friends "I think friends tell a lot about you" Martin continues "you handle yourself like a woman [long pause] right?" - Kisses.
Olu tells Mich "I wanna be honest...may not benefit me...but Martin, there are some red flags" he tells Mich Martin said (due to Mich's poem from earlier in the season about some childhood trauma) "the fact that you have not dealt with your past is kind of immature" - unseen exit.
During the forced commercial that I cannot skip past I place gold leaf on the rum cakes I made, because if we are going to go big for Thanksgiving we are going to go ALL THE WAY BIG!
Back to the group, Michelle picks up the rose then says "Martin can we go chat for a second?"
She takes the walk with him while holding the rose. Martin tried to convince Michelle that he has not been demeaning her behind her back, and he keeps talking over her while she is trying to speak to him saying "can I speak" doing the move where you try to cut off and dominate someone while not saying the truth even after Mich points it out he says "I apologize for MAYBE speaking over you" even in his apology he equivocates.
Mich finally says she spots his red flags and her walls are up so she needs to walk him out. In the car Martin's full true colors come out, "I feel sad for her, its sad...a woman like that does not deserve my time" right after feigning a class exit with Mich and telling her that he hopes she finds her person...full on 2 face. How Martin sees himself:
One on one:
Brandon's date card said "home is where the heart is" and allegedly planned by the kids. They start of going for ice cream, my kind of date starter.
Not sure my friend would want me to identify her as saying this but she sent me this "Brandon why's everything you say gotta sound so soft?"
Mich takes Brandon to her childhood home and he kisses her in the car because he says he is nervous about meeting her parents she tells him the 'rents are not home, I think she is lying. Brandon put his hand over his heart when he said he was nervous, see the above text I received.
Mich asks Brandon how he feels about taking a dip in the pool, he is down for it, then she asks "how do you feel about wearing my dad's swimsuit?" "I am cool with it?" WHAT BRO? you are okay with wearing her dad's trunks...A. not cool in general? B. You wanna get home-murdered? As a kid who grew up with a pool and YES snuck girls over to use the pool, either they bring their own suits, or they go in skivvies, you cannot be passing off parental clothing because when they have to run once you hear the electric gate open they cannot be in your parents' gear.
So of course the Parent's come home as Mich and Brandon are hugged up in the pool, such a clear set up. I am too old for this now, but I have done the "Oh hey, this is your daughter?" face before that I recognize on Brandon but I have never done it while wearing the clothing of the parent.
When Mich and her mom are side by side it is a bit of a trip because you are seeing the same features but in different shades. I cannot help it but the country is the way it is and I look at light-skinned Brandon talking to white mom and black dad and it is something weird to see, coming off the news of the last couple weeks I honestly just worry about our Black Kings and Queens and the struggle we all face. Always remember this when you see an older mixed race couple those people went through HELL, there is no way they didn't face the worst of the worst, I came to America in 1999 and dated interracially through the 2000s and it was hell then, I cannot imagine how "iron like a lion, in Zion" interracial couples had to be in the earlier years.
Brandon asks Mich to leave for a bit so he can get the blessing from her parents someone is jumping several steps ahead.
Evening portion:
Brandon is sad that he cannot introduce Mich to his granddad because he passed away. Mich gets a bracelet from Brandon that his mom made for him with the instruction that if he was feeling Mich he should give it to her because if she sees it on Mich then she will know they should care for her as much as they care for Brandon. Mich says it is one of the most special gifts she has ever received and Brandon tells her he is falling in love with her. Brandon gets the date rose.
Next Day:
As Rick tells the guys this is the most important cocktail party Tayshia and Kaitlyn come in to say "good news" the process is working "bad news" Mich does not want/need to do a cocktail party.
Rose Ceremony:
Olu is in...an outfit, his jacket looks like what I would expect someone to wear to graduation from Clown College.
I cannot describe this thing accurately, a picture is worth a thousand words right?
2 roses for 4 guys and I really need one to go to Rodney.
First rose to Joe, and then the silly appearance from Tayshia and Kaitlyn (has Tayshia said anything in these "final rose of the evening" appearances for the last few times?) the final rose goes to Rodney, whew, my team lives to fight on. It is really tight in our fantasy league 3 of the teams still have guys available, but the person that has who I think is the front runner aka Nayte is team NOT ME! I have 2 guys but I am down 200 points and that is a lot to make up especially if Natye does end up winning like I fear he does. Can my guys rack up enough to chase down a front runner when i do not have strong faith in either of them being top 2?
Bloopers:
Clayton is hanging with one of the kids and she is painting his nails. When a producer asks the little girl what she thinks is next for Clayton she says "he will be the next Bachelor." Le Sigh.
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