Not saying she is the worst Bachelorette but was Katie's season maybe the most inconsequential? Blandest? Least stylish? Quickest fading? I am not sure how to look at it but it was not helped that the man who won was part of the season that had 2 Bachelorettes and came on late. Halfway through I was already predicting she would be with Blake and then towards the end I was making jokes like "Will they be broken up by the time the next season airs?" Dear reader they are. A big part of the drama from Bach in Paradise was centered around a trip to San Diego that some of the cast took, Katie was part of that meet up and yet she was faded to the background, I cannot imagine if Becca had been part of that group her role would be so minimized.
Non-spoiler if you do not know who he is, but for those who know - has the current pick for Bachelor shown you anything that makes you think he should have been picked or that he will be a good Bach? ANYTHING other than he is a tall/good looking chap, which is a feature this show does not lack?
We start the A-Show with Michelle ("Mich") roaming around and showing us parts of Minnesota before going to the home grounds to see the folks; this feels pretty quick to go back to hometown?
Michelle says the 11 guys "are all unique from each other" then the show makes the guys do the dumb scream into the void trope that it loves "MICHELLE" then high five each other. The 'unique' guys wear a lot of black, white and tan.
Immediately off the bat Mich tells them there is a 1 on 1 and Joe the guy FROM MINNESOTA gets the 1 on 1 don't cha know.
One on One:
If Mich was hoping to not let the guys be suspicious she is not picking the best move here.
Mich takes Joe for a drive around Minneapolis to a Twins game to throw out the first pitch in custom jerseys.
Mich then takes Joe to her high school and shows him her old locker (my high school did not have lockers). They see her photos in the trophy case and look over her year book. Then there is some one on one on the basketball court. Not sexist to say that Joe is letting her win, though Michelle's jumper is wet!
M&J talk about how reserved Joe is and he says that his dad is even more reserved.
Back to the hotel and the guys are nervous about the group date vs a one on one card. Nayte admits that he feels pressure to step up. If you didn't get it from last week when Chris S bloody said he rode in on a white horse he tells you that he "laid it all out" for Mich...by snitching last week so he is annoyed that Nayte got the one on one.
Evening Portion:
And we know this is going to be a heavy date because we get a trigger warning regarding suicide and depression so heads up...
Michelle is rocking an all black ensemble with some tight 'no way can they play basketball in these' pants.
We get Joe's sob story and I am feeling sympathy leg pains as Joe describes all the surgeries he had to go through in high school and college to continue to play basketball. Eventually the surgeries and injuries robbed him of his ability to play at a high level and he contemplated suicide "ball was life, and that life was gone" so when that basketball-life ended Joe wanted his to end. Michelle is wiping tears as she listens. Mich is supportive of Joe and so of course he gets the date rose.
Group date:
And Michelle is back again in all black with tight pants.
The guys meet her on the field of the Viking's stadium so when she asks the guys if they are ready to meet some Vikings of course the guys think they are going to meet some football players...they meet mascots.
They are told to show off their war cries Chris' is deemed pitiful. Chris says he is still disappointed that Nayte got the one on one. Olu tells us that Chris is a snake who threw them all under the bus.
There are some silly feats of strength
The guys are then told to go dress like Vikings, most of the guys get 'cool' gear except Chris who is dressed like a horse and Casey tells us "he went from acting like a horse's ass to dressing like one."
Part of the challenge given is to 'eat like a Viking' Cow brains, tongue and hash is one of the items plus some delicious fermented Nordic fish.
Of course in the arm wrestling challenge it is Chris against Olu and Chris is beaten badly. Clayton is dubbed the ultimate Viking, doesn't hurt that dude is ripped. On the way to clean up Brandon kisses Mich and she says "ugh straight fish Brandon."
Evening:
Mich is wearing an amazing green dress, see above when I said the last season was not as stylish.
Clayton gets some strong one on one time with Mich. Brandon gets teased that he will have some more Nordic fish but this time it is Nordic fish candy.
Back to the main group and the guys are calling out Chris. Chris continues "Nayte got the one on one that I should have had" he really feels owed.
"Nayte I am looking for a man who is not afraid to test the waters" Joe reads that date card then asks Nayte "do you know how to swim?" and they both laugh as Nayte affirms that he can.
Back to group date and all the guys are getting time with Mich except Chris because the producers work hard here...and Chris is going nuts that he has not had time with her. Mich comes down to talk to the group to "wrap up this evening" while Chris is off having a drink and it looks like talking to producers, he clearly fell for a set up, Chris walks back after Mich has sat down with the guys.
Chris is angry that Mich did not say "thank you for what I did last week" "I'm a fun goofy guy and I wasn't like that today and you didn't check in on me...spoke to every other guy...that is crazy to me" Chris seems to forget that the show is the Bachelorette not the Bachelor, the contestants need to make moves not the lead.
One on one:
Nayte and Mich are out on the lake LAKE MINNETONKA RIP PRINCE
and Mich tells Nayte that it is going to turn into a group date and the 'group' aspect is 2 of her friends showing up to grill Nayte as they float on a boat.
I think Nayte is currently winning this followed by Joe, these 2 got the special type dates that are reserved for peeps that the lead is thinking they could 'spend forever' with.
Evening:
Nayte says the process is changing him. Michelle shares a story that while she was in her last relationship it was so toxic that she was becoming ill and had to move back in with her parents. Speaking of Toxic relationships here comes Chris to tell us that "I do not care if she is on a one on one date" he "needs" to speak to her so he pops up on Mich's date with Nayte while they are still at the dinner portion and asks to speak to her Nayte rightfully has 'shocked face' as we go to commercial.
Now obviously the producers helped set this fool up to be a sucker because he took a car to what would be an undisclosed location but allow me as a black man to tell you how UGLY THIS LOOKS FOR THE WHITE MAN TO THINK THE TIME OF TWO BLACK PEEPS IS INSIGNIFICANT TO HIM AND THAT THE BLACK WOMAN LEAD OWES HIM SOMETHING. "Can I please speak with you for a moment, just one moment, it is important." NO IT IS NOT! Nayte does that laugh that every black man should recognize as the laugh of frustration where "if I act appropriately I will be labelled the angry black man."
Chris tells Mich that he feels "played by the whole situation" "I came to say that I warned you, and I don't want you to make the wrong decision. Mich says what we all saw last week - she was not happy that Chris spoke "for me" and not with her
she thinks Chris is trying to control her...he played himself and Mich sends that fool home. You cannot trust a man who cannot even hold it together on a TV show that is in a public space, she has to be worried about their private space.
Back to her date and Mich gives Nayte the rose.
Cocktail Ceremony:
Michelle in another banging dress. Rick is a sneaky good candidate so far, he gets to take a stroll with Mich and they pretend to do some runway walking (Rick is as stiff as a board) and dance to music from a street musician.
Martin bro, bruh, brah "What makes a female high maintenance?" you really set yourself up for this with "you are not high maintenance, girls in Miami are high maintenance."
Then to compound things Martin drops in "females" who expect things from men and "I came on the show because I know you are different"..."Men should not be doing things women should do." Look when Martin had his one on one and kept defending Jamie over Mich's clear discomfort the red flags were CLEAR so none of this is shocking.
Nayte and Mich are all over each other
Rose Ceremony:
Roses to: Rick, Olu, Brandon, Martin (this I did NOT expect)
whew Rodney gets the final rose, I was beginning to worry that my fantasy team was about to get murdered.
Tayshia and Kaitlyn showing up to remind us last second that A. We do not miss OMCH B. The 'host' on this show is scenery and the overly popping up of them earlier in the season was unnecessary and C. They are gorgeous women but this matching outfit thing is funny. D. WE REALLY DO NOT MISS OMCH.
A quick note on Martin, consider how much Mich is willing to put up with him vs with Jamie, makes me think there was even more with Jamie than we saw. And Jamie's downfall may have been hastened by attacking Mich's faves he made himself a threat to her immediate happiness whereas Martin is just a standalone bit of fluff.
Bloopers:
Olu feeding Mich some popular dishes from Africa (the continent - saying this as a reminder since too often peeps treat it like it is a vague-country) and watching her struggle with the spice was endearing. He had the same look of mild amusement I have whenever I feed an ethnic person mid-level spice and they are shocked like they were just hit with a scorpion sting.
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