Bachelorette recap or let's slide a Canadian back in here and pretend he is genuine.

 

Did my physical last week, overall came out pretty well…my doc was annoyed that thanks to Covid all physicals last year were cancelled, I am just glad the delay was not prejudicial. I have to go into the dermatologist next week (I feel like a teenager) because you cannot utilize the doctor's suite like a carwash even though all the services are in the same building.

  We start with Thomas jogging a trail and a couple guys discussing the fact that Thomas came on the show thinking he could be the next Bachelor and we get the rare passage of time alert "you don't come on here thinking you want to be the Bachelor and falling in love with the Bachelorette in three weeks."

Thomas runs up to Quartney at the outdoor gym and admits to being a politician.

I am confused by Tre wearing a sweatshirt when everyone else seems to be in light clothing, but then on the date Katie and the hosts are wearing layers so I suspect it is windy and chilly.

  Group Date:

"You are going to be pushed to your limit" the date has dares set up around the property.

The first Dare is to eat a massive plate of Twinkies Mike the gym owner says he has not had a carb in 7 years.

 The second dare we see has the guys whispering sweet nothings it is goofy as you would expect. A third dare is getting the hairiest part of your body waxed…for Tre it is his buttocks.

Katie is the same age as Tayshia yet seems so much younger THE SAME AGE!

  The final challenge is one that the show seems to love to have men do, eat habanero peppers and then fake propose to the Bachelorette…if Michelle's season was not next I really think I would be taking a break.

Evening Date:

Andrew S is the first to take her aside and he has a taco plate set up for them and by 'he has' I mean the producers have. I gotta think the mics are turned up because all of Katie's kisses sound super loud – "tonight Andrew S went out of his way to get to the key to my heart, via my stomach."

  Greg and Katie share stare-time and Katie says "you are not trying to impress me which is really impressing me" and then Katie says "I am starting to fall for you" I cannot imagine the panic the producers had right after that. I wonder if a backup Bachelorette was called in for a standby, there had to be flash backs to Clare.

Tre is telling us that he will tell Katie about the problems with Thomas while Andrew S says that the guys should not tell Katie/concern themselves with Thomas.

  Tre takes his turn and then tells Katie about Thomas and says it is his feeling "and a lot of the other guys."

  Andrew S. says "you guys don't want drama but you spark it" he is not incorrect about that, but he then says that Tre will not get the rose…Tre gets the group rose.

  The next day Katie is doing the stare into space on the couch routine when Tayshia knocks on her door to tell her that someone from her past wants to meet Katie and Tayshia thinks they would be a good match. Tayshia will not tell Katie who the mystery guy is "because I don't want to cloud your judgement until you see him" or "because this show needs drama and you act like a 12 year old." The show tries to film this like an M Night Shyamalan reveal, keeping the guy in shadows, only showing us from his waist down then his slightly balding head until Katie walks up and it is Blake…except they showed us Blake in all their "coming up this season" promo work and last week's episode soooo twist reveal neutered.

Turns out that Blake and Katie spoke through DMs "Blake reached out to commend me for the boldness" uhmm didn't he also DM Clare before her season? This is a pattern.

"It is concerning that at this point you have dated 2 bachelorettes and if you stayed I would be your third bachelorette." Blake says "I promise that if it came down to the end and we connected like I think we could we will be engaged at the end" sure bro.

Katie is going to take her time during the Rose Ceremony to see who she thinks should remain and whether there is a place for Blake

 Katie, Tayshia and Kaitlyn meet up to discuss Thomas, and Kaitlyn says the unspoken truth "that is one way to ensure you will not be the Bachelor…saying you want to be the Bachelor."

  Cocktail Party:

The guys all gather and Thomas is missing, so of course he has gone off to get the jump on them and talk to Katie.

Thomas says he is not close with the guys in the house and he has had to listen "while my character and my integrity gets demonsterized" 

Thomas has a habit of making up words as he makes up excuses.

" It is hard…You say things exactly as I want to hear them" Katie is holding Thomas' hand and looking confused.

Katie tells us that she thinks Thomas has been honest with her and she is wondering if guys in the house are intimidated by Thomas and might not be telling her the truth.

 

Andrew S is proven correct, "that's a ripple effect" the night is damaged because Thomas went and took time with Katie.
Katie comes in and immediately snitches "Thomas I am sorry that you feel ostracized by the house." 

This leads to panicked looks on many guys' faces. Come on you knew after last season of the Bachelor that Katie is going to tell things she hears in private.

  Tre is concerned that Thomas got Katie to see him as a victim.

  First guy to take Katie aside is Brandon and he tries to lead it to a Thomas conversation "is there anything in the house you want to hear from me" Katie tells him she just wants to be in "this moment with you" he still barrels ahead.
Justin brings up Thomas, Aaron brings up Thomas, blind to the fact that Katie clearly does not want to talk about it.

Katie tells Michael she is having feelings for him…because he was smart enough to not spend his time talking about Thomas.

Multiple men do not get time with Katie at the party.

  Rose Ceremony:

Just as Katie is about to start naming rose recipients Thomas makes a speech "Openly apologizing" to Katie and the men…mmhmm Justin does his usual facial contortions.

  Hunter, Greg, Justin, Brendan get roses while Andrew S laments lost time but then gets a rose.

Aaron, Mike P., James, Josh, Quartney (despite no time at the cocktail party) and Andrew M. get roses. Down to the final rose and its down to Thomas and a bunch of guys whose name we do not know, Katie picks up a rose calls Thomas forward and the guys all have shocked faces,

as Thomas walks up for a rose I start to think Katie is about to do a performance and I am correct: Thomas steps forward and reaches for her and Katie takes a step back and tells Thomas "your Bachelorette audition ends now…so get out."

She still looks like a 12 year old trying to act tough, I just cannot unsee it. Katie does not give the final rose out to anyone, methinks Blake has a rose coming.

 Katie leaves the cocktail party and knocks on a hotel room and it is Blake's room (apparently he was naked) "I just threw on some boxers real quick." Blake steps out of his room in a sweatshirt and boxers and I watch his door close behind him and immediately think, "this dude just got locked out" Katie coquettishly asks him if he wants to join and of course he does…oh and he is locked out.

 Blooper Reel:

The ladies try nibbles of the habanero peppers and regret it immensely.

Bachelorette Recap or Nick Viall is your therapist?

 

About six years ago the doctors told my friend that if she kept on the path that she was on she would not live to see 40. They hit it on the head, she died a couple weeks ago, we did her memorial yesterday (I stumbled through the homily) tonight would have been her 40th birthday party. Life comes at you fast R.I.P. Diana.

 So with that bit of harshness let’s do some fluff. Thanks to the USPS really taking to heart the nickname ‘snail mail’ my god daughter left for camp before her glitter bomb envelope could arrive. Her mom just told me that she has put the envelope on her bed waiting for her, a better person than me would warn the mom and consequently the daughter but now I just have even more glee thinking of a glittered bed!

 Just as I was wondering who would be doing the voice over now that OMCH is gone we get a new man's voice as we flow into the cocktail party that started last week – could Tayshia or Katelyn not do it?

We return to Karl setting fire to the 'house'

We get constant clips of Katie crying while the guys argue with Karl. Katie comes back in to the arguing guys to say that she has no more energy for the guys so we are going to go straight to the rose ceremony. IT IS THE SECOND ROSE CEREMONY...let's chill on pretending that she is this deeply invested this quickly. Tre is so mad at Karl he cannot express himself beyond ending sentences with "oh my God!" 

Karl walks away from the guys and shadow boxes as he preps for more arguments with the rest of the guys.

  ROSE CEREMONY TIME:
Just once I wish the show would spring a surprise, give Karl a rose first and just have all the other guys murder-stare him.

Instead David gets the first rose

Hunter gets the second rose.

Connor C is next then Mike P who gets his rose and then immediately tells Katie that "as a unit…we feel that what Karl said wasn't the truth…and we feel that as a unit this is something you needed to hear." Katie asks the group if what Mike said is true the guys nod their heads in agreement and Katie asks to be excused and walks off again.

Katie goes and talks to Katelyn and Tayshia telling them that she is confused because she was planning to keep Karl.

  Back to the ceremony and Michael gets a rose (clearly the guys were not going to boycott or actually band together to insist he goes home)

 Connor B then Quartney get roses as Tre tells us that he is snatching a rose of Karl if he gets one, then Tre gets a rose. Justin gets a rose, Andrew M, then Christian (one of my guys is still on the chopping block), Josh gets a rose and gives out a deep sigh, Brendan gets his as Karl tells us he is definitely getting a rose "the military will have to drag me out" then James gets the penultimate rose…my guy is still on the chopping block as the twin hosts tell us it is the final rose and it goes to Aaron. Adios John, I knew I should not have put my faith in a PB guy.

The remaining guys give Katie a round of applause…wack.Karl can now go on to planning his appearance on Paradise but for now he has to...

  Michael walks in with a date card and reads it (need all the points I can get since well JOHN YOU SUCK…they better bring him back later in the season…is that a thing?)

The guys freak out that the date card does not say "love Katie" or have hearts at the end I guess they think she writes them…wack.

The card speaks about honesty so we can guess what the date will be.

The guys walk into a circle of chairs with Nick Vial sitting there waiting for them, Justin who has the greatest expressions 

looks very suspicious. The date is about telling Katie about "any red flags that she cannot move past" the guys are supposed to confess their past sins to Katie and they are freaking out…wack! Nothing here should freak out even the most casual liar.

Hunter goes first "I have already developed significant feelings for Katie" then confesses that he was previously married but by the time he and his wife had a son he had "shifted priorities…and I failed at marriage." Hunter breaks down in tears. This show will milk emotional traumas for content but will not have a psychologist run this share circle…wack (though I gotta think most psychologists would probably balk at doing this). Guys confess to cheating etc but then Thomas says what I said last week would be true of most of the guys "I couldn’t sit here and look you in the face and say yeah when I showed up here I showed up for the right reasons, because I didn't know who you were…but I have leaned in." Thomas admits he went on a date the week before he came on the show and the guys around him look angry…Katie is looking less and less pleased as Thomas goes on and like Aaron does not seem happy that Thomas has a huge grin on his face as he confesses. Connor B. goes last and is sniffling before his story even starts, he admits to drinking a lot in the past then one night picking a fight with his girlfriend leaving her to go to a party to get drunk and high and cheating on her and he claims that he was a bad version of himself back then…bro I hope you are not a teacher at some overly conservative school because I do not want a show like this affecting your job.

  Katie's story, she tells us that no one knows not even her mom and I immediately feel crestfallen because I know where this is going – Katie was in a situation 10 years ago "where there wasn't consent" and because she was in denial (initially) she even "formed a relationship" with him. Sigh, so much of last season (Matt's) and the start of this season I wondered if this was a background in Katie's world and I really worried about it because our world has too many incidents of this nature. This is not the forum for it (as in the blog, but also this show since they are just going to shoehorn it here) but let me just superficially address that I hope people always reach out to their loved ones and others who have been violated and help them to lift any stigma they might feel, too often assault victims are  heaped on with more stress when people instead of offering comfort offer more questions "what did you do/why were you there/why didn't you leave…etc" Again this is not the forum and I am not even sure if I would ever write a blog post about it because I would be too afraid of saying something more harmful than helpful so the TL:DR is protect everyone, show empathy and please people stop being terrible.

 After the heaviness of the share circle, we come out of the commercial break with Michael telling some of the guys about his wife dying from Breast cancer.

  Evening portion:

Justin is first and gets a kiss while taking a Polaroid. Connor B thanks Katie for what she shared then tells her that he thinks she can "really see people" Katie tells him that she just wants to let him know he is a catch and they do one of their aggressive makeouts.

Katie asks Thomas "what are all the red flags" that he mentioned and he bypasses the question and speaks of fate bringing them together. In his ITM Thomas notes "she was asking some probing questions and I did not have an answer for her…I got rattled (expletive deleted)." Thomas does not believe he will go home if he talks to Katie again and he does not care if it ticks off the other guys. So while Aaron is sharing a heartfelt story that involves someone having a stroke at 19 Thomas is lurking in the background and it distracts both Katie and Aaron.

  Thomas tells Katie "fear and love are too very similar things rooted in the same concept…and when I look at you I feel both things"…it is week two…WACK! "I feel an energy that is such a strong pull to you…I need you to know that." Katie falls for it.

  Back to the house and a rose card is read by Mike (the gym guy Virgin), the date goes to Michael A.

Back to the group date and the guys ask Thomas about interrupting Aaron. When Aaron asks Thomas if he thinks his time is more valuable than Aaron's Thomas says "yes" and I chuckle because the guys really thought he was going to say "no."

 Before presenting the rose Katie does a little synopsis of her thoughts and says "David I know you have expressed being in this environment how uncomfortable it makes you" and again I say "WHO?" Why is the show diluting this black man?

Connor B gets the group date rose.

  Thomas and the other guys continue to argue after Katie leaves, and Aaron tells him to not look at him and just act as if they are not friends.

One on One Date time:

Because they are in a desert locale there is an off-road vehicle and while Katie is cutting B-roll footage she flips the dune buggy – Matt would be proud.

Once she picks Michael up Katie tells hims "I am a good driver I promise" mmhmm. During their simulated picnic Katie confesses that she flipped the dune buggy to Michael. Michael – "I have always heard this ends in an engagement but I believe this begins in an engagement" and Katie swoons.

  Many of the guys are crowded onto the couch of destiny and Tre is again puffing up saying that he will confront Thomas (will he rip a rose from him?).

  Back to the evening date:

Michael opens up about his wife dying and it leaves Katie in a puddle "I am overwhelmed in sadness for his pain, but happiness for what our love can be he said it so beautifully "what a blessing to fall in love twice" and he talked about it in a way that the love that him and I could create would be so unique." Michael of course gets the date rose (I picked a winner here). Katie is telling us that she might be falling in love with Michael…

 Daytime in the house and the guys are not happy with Thomas and I realize that Hunter has a massive sleeve tattoo that I did not expect.

As they are all on the couch of destiny Hunter calls Thomas out. Thomas is asked point blank if he is thinking about being the Bachelor and he responds "I want to thank all of you guys" when he is pushed "before coming here I did not know what to expect" then "I cannot be disingenuine [sic] to you guys and I am not going to be…yes coming in to this one of the thoughts on my mind was being the Bachelor." But…so many of the guys are acting as if they were not thinking the same thing…wack. #JusticeForKarl.

 Blooper Reel –

We find out that Katie might be a bit of an idiot at least when it comes to astronomy "is that O'Brian's Belt?" Michael gently corrects her that it is Orion's belt.

Bachelorette recap or "I know something you don't know"

 

This week's personal story:

My god-daughter did some work for me to get some work experience and I paid her just a little shy of Cali-summer associate rates which will be amazing for a teenager in Florida because she is getting a cheque she is not expecting. I do NOT believe in minimum wage and I for sure do NOT believe in free labor! Please pay your interns; paying someone in 'work experience' is junk! Pay people because you benefitted even if you think they benefitted more. All credit to her she did the work thinking it was going to be unpaid and she still did a good job. I glitter bombed her in the envelope that the cheque is arriving in because…I was too good a boss, I gotta do something bad to her.

  My Bach fantasy league has drafted, I am currently in a big lead but we all know night one is only an indicator of the season it is not a lock.

  You guys know I love to live spoiler free but we can thank E and A-I who did the Episode 1 watch along with me for causing me to see "coming up this season" so I picked my guys based on what little I could discern from that coupled with the douchiness of their bios and how they acted in episode 1, I have a guy on my team that I am pretty sure I would want to punch in the face in real life but this is 'reality' so I just want to win.

My lineup is Greg, John, Justin and Michael (I share partly to help myself remember).

 

Karl is clearly a goofy dude and does not seem to be making friends with his forced attempts to be funny and allegedly calling the attempt to win Katie "a game."

  A group date card arrives and I am not going to pretend like I am paying attention to all the names called.

  Group Date:

The group walks into a dark room and it is filled with sexual objects and the virgin gym owner starts blushing.

Heather McDonald is here to help Katie (and she has been there from night one).

"What is a woman's largest sex organ?" The answer was the Brain.

"How many erogenous zones does the female body have?" And showing that this show does not care about women, it does not give the answer…I am pretty sure it is 14 but I may not be right and the show does not confirm it.

This whole date seems designed for us to laugh at the virgin, but I cannot do that, just like we should celebrate Katie's sex positivity I am not going to look at someone's choice as a thing to make TV fodder.

  Connor the math teacher who wants to be a musician so badly sings a song and like all of us who play the piano makes a joke about fingers…

  The guys all have to make attempts to woo Katie with what is basically stand up material.

  Tre does a puppet routine where the safe word is "peaches" and well apparently everyone needed to scream it.

Karl does a routine that goes off the rails and he gets clapped off the stage.

  The Virgin for his routine brings Katie up to the bed on stage and reads an essay "to my future wife" and it gets Katie crying. He drops in clues that he would wait 31 years for her to have sex with Katie. I can stop calling him the Virgin because he wins and they call him Mike since I was too lazy to rewind or check prior notes to refresh on his name. I am not sure Katie caught the hints and realizes he is a virgin I think she was in joy that he was so 'earnest' and may not have realized what that earnestness meant.

  Currently doing some ice cream math, I have already had 3 scoops but there is only one scoop remaining in the tub I took them from, it seems wasteful to take up freezer space leaving that almost empty tub in the fridge…the other 4 tubs need room to breathe.

  Evening Date:

"I do miss Connor the cat…but now you are Connor the musician" he loved that. Katie tells Connor that he was "truthfully the first guy I remembered" HE WORE A CAT COSTUME OF COURSE YOU REMEMBER HIM. Connor gets her to redo their first kiss and it is just as aggressive as the first.

Makes me think of peeps hiding in the library stacks in high school (Katie is like a child to me).

  There is a knock on the hotel room and Greg gets the first one on one date…the guys are shocked since he already got the first impression rose – "Anyone feel that time in money and the rich just got richer."

  Back to the date and Karl is expressing confidence that the date rose is his. His ITMs have him gassing himself up telling us he negotiates deals, now in fairness when he is actually 1 on 1 with Katie and not trying to perform for the other guys he is much smoother than he appeared to be at first but it is used car salesman smooth "I can't get into my last relationship because I want to get into my next relationship" the bar is so low I was just glad he did not call his ex crazy.

  Katie tells a guy (that I might learn his name) that she cannot understand why she has been thinking about him so much all day, it could be because he is tall and good looking, since as she admits she does not know much about him. Shame on me, it was Thomas a San Diego man, he gets the group date rose.

  Date 2:

Katie pulls up in a red pickup to get Greg and…they are wearing matching outfits – Not sure yet whose outfit is the bad decision because of that, though I am leaning towards Katie's because Greg's is not the greatest for him but hers does nothing for her.

Katie asks Greg if he is a fan of the outdoors his answer of "yes" is not convincing. Katie tests Greg by having him set up a tent, look I have gone camping more than a few times and I am not sure I can just set up a random tent quickly without instructions. Also not afraid to say I went to a cabin in the mountains last weekend 'to rough it' and it was a spot fancier than my actual apartment, I work too damn hard to play at being homeless.

  Katie and Greg pretend to be roughing it, as she has him carve out a bucket and dig a hole for the toilet but it is hard to get into this when they are surrounded by cameras and we all know the conceit of this show, there are no overnights this early so there is no chance that they will be staying overnight in 'the wilderness' so all activities here are just playacting.

Going camping is an activity that Katie used to do with her dad who passed in 2012 so she is getting emotional; of course the show plays on the chance of someone/anyone crying.

  Back to the 'house' and a date card arrives, Michael is not listed on the group date and he is getting emotional, he is voicing that he is missing his son…bro I need you to cry, but I also need you to hang in there for a little bit but if you have to go home self-eliminate.

  Back to the date and Greg shares that he also lost his dad, which leads to crying and of course a bonding experience. I am such a savage I am calculating points and hoping that Katie crying in her ITM counts for my show points since crying is a bonus. During the make out session we get fireworks that makes me think I was right in thinking Greg is a front runner.

  Next day:

Kaitlyn and Tayshia are wearing western gear and carrying pots; they sneak into the guys' rooms to bang the pots and wake them up.

The date is "Katie's big buckle Brawl" so once again the physical contest is going to risk injury…The guys will have to mud wrestle for Katie. This franchise loves having their contestants fight then having the lead act shocked when someone gets injured.

  The guys are dressed as cowboys but then must strip their shirts off to wrestle in the mud…mmhmm.

  John the San Diego Bartender gets his ass kicked so badly his opponent manages to keep his hat on the whole fight.

  Then because the show loves stirring the pot, Aaron and Cody are the final fight…the guys who already have tension from their time in San Diego. Everyone can tell there is "something going on between them…it was intense it felt personal" said by Katie as she cringes. The winner of the Cody v Aaron duel is of course…AARON and he ends up winning the 'Golden Cowboy Belt.' The losing guys have to ride a wagon back home while Aaron gets alone time with Katie. My word doc keeps wanting to put my full name in as I type Aaron each time.

Katie asks Aaron about the tension and seems really childlike when she does it, I find it sometimes incongruous the childlike look on Katie as she tries to speak about adult material. Aaron claims Cody is "malicious" and "Unkind" and is on the show to become famous.

 

Evening Portion:

Cody is the first person pulled by Katie, she asks Cody about what Aaron said to her and Cody stammers trying to defend himself. Cody asks Aaron to talk and is much more vociferous with him than he was with Katie. Katie pulls Cody aside for a second time and lets him know "unfortunately I think it is best for you to go home tonight." Cody puts up zero fight, this mid episode booting would have been big points but no one in my league drafted him. Katie then tells the guys she needs time and walks away.

 

When she returns Katie and Andrew S bond over the fact that they both grew up with struggles, this earns him the group date rose.

 

Cocktail party:

And Katie is taking a shot at my childlike assessment with a grown up dress, I suspect as the season goes on I will start to think of her as a grown adult (I really hope so because I have a slight uncomfortableness watching her now).

 

Michael is the first to be alone with Katie and she reassures him of his place (or should I say reassures us?) Michael requests a kiss and again it is another aggressive kiss that ends in giggling – this is part of why I think I still cannot see her as quite grown.

 

Karl is back with the group wondering out loud if other guys are not "here for the right reasons" which makes the group uncomfortable. Karl then goes to Katie and goes "looking around I am not sure if everyone is being 100% transparent" when Katie asks him for specifics "you have already been through a lot I don't want you to stress about it." Katie tells Karl that she wants to know definitive answers because "time is short" but Karl tells her to just trust him "I have your best interest at heart" I fully believe dudes are just there to have a good time and be on TV BUT I do not believe Karl knows who they currently are, he is just talking out of his ass to try to get in with Katie – I know we are all supposed to be all in for the lead but come on it is a group of 20 something aged guys who grew up with influencer culture, some will just come on hoping they do fall in love but are unconcerned if they do not.

  Katie is suspicious of Karl and she goes to talk to the group "I made my intentions very clear about why I am here…and tonight a bomb was dropped on me about multiple &$%%ing people being here for the wrong reasons." Katie then asks Aaron to come and talk to her, while they go off the guys are all trying to find out who might have told Katie something to trigger her. Karl then pseudo confesses that he is the one who caused Katie's reaction but claims that he did it because Katie asked if people were not on the show for the right reasons…that is not the conversation we heard. Aaron tells Katie that he does not know about anyone in the house not being there for the right reason.

 Aaron is as Aarons do…a talker and someone who rises to anger.

Karl is not in a good place with the rest of the guys, he keeps telling the person who is not there for the right reasons to come forward, but that seems like a silly request.

Caught the preview of celebrity dating game "With Bachelorette Hannah Brown" guess the process does not work…

Bachelorette Recap Episode one or would you like a gimmick with your show?

 

Long time readers will remember that I am in a few 'Bach-type' groups but will never admit outside of the circle of trust.

  Now we are gif fighting in one group because M-boogie and S-panties and A-baba and L-sanity and T-smoke and E-butsure (names changed to protect the identities) have challenged the notion of males getting together in a safe space to discuss a ratchet show…their version of this story will differ wildly from mine, but dear reader my version is the only true version.

 I gleefully welcome B-dizzle via his wifey to this scourge of brain cells that is Bachelor nation, at no point did I deny his entry, I simply maintained that S-bibby could not immediately request his entry on day one of her appearance…when maybe we should have swapped him out for her…just a thought…but that is not what people are ready to hear!

 Faux battles over let us get to this season:

If you believe in omens, it rained in San Diego today, I know you non-San Diegans will say "big deal it rained!" but for us in this drought land that is a bloody big deal and if I believed in omens I would say it is a sign that this season is going to be even dumber than normal.

  I still cannot shake remembering that last season after we FINALLY get (HALF of our wishes) a BLACK BACHELOR we cold opened with a white woman holding a vibrator – I would have been even more pissed if the whole season did not contain cold opens but damn it felt weird that even when we got the black Bachelor when all other seasons on their opening segments really hit us hard with who the star is/was we got a white woman not the black bachelor. And sure you might say "Cali-J it was just a small thing, and it showed us sex positivity" and I would say it is the small things that build up the bigger things and lead to an Obvious Man Chris Harrison (OMCH) fixing his lips to lecture a black woman on her own show to defend a racist.

  "I'm Katie Thurston and I'm the Bachelorette" so SHE gets to start her season as the featured entity…no cold open! The show decides to lean hard on the empathy factor for Katie. Katie reminds us that she is sex positive and kicks a tumbleweed "No dry bushes here" then coughs on the dust.

We also get the pretend makeup moment where the lead (for the men we get them pretending they are picking ties or a suit up to the last minute) pretends that she is doing her own makeup while already fully made-up.

  Connor B plays music for us in the bathtub…and tells us that he is a teacher and a musician (Shout out Jed 2.0?)

Of course the Canadian has a hockey segment and the ladies were not feeling him, but this picture of him turned it all around for the ladies of my watch party.

  Andrew S speaks German and plays football and leans into the 'I am the black guy so I will play the Carlton role'

  The gym owner from San Diego at 31 is a proud virgin.

  Justin 26 is a painter and bloody good.

  Tre is a classical musician.

Greg says he lives in NY his chyron says NJ.

Sigh, Kaitlyn and Tayshia 'sneak up' on Katie and we all pretend to be shocked.

 

"SO MUCH ANKLE" that is the consensus reply by our watch group.

  Thomas from Poway (Just say San Diego) is first out and he has that vague ambiguity of ethnicity.

  Aaron from San Diego immediately gets an "Oh I don't like him" from E.

  3 for 3 on ambiguous ethnicity with Andrew from (damn it I am not rewinding).

David is our first clear ethnicity and his ankles are so exposed that I at first thought he was wearing Brown Boots!

  Michael gives her a joke gift pretending it was a 200 year heirloom and sold the scheme well till the reveal.

  Tre jumps out of a ball pit in the back of a pickup truck.

  My fear that we are going to get too much of Tayshia and Katilyn seems to be coming through.

  Greg reminds Katie of her ex-boyfriend.

  Gabriel embraces Katie for a long embrace to help calm her? Get too close coming off of a dry quarantine? He claimed he wanted to give her one of his favorite hugs, so uhmm he ranks his hugs? He just wanted to get close, just say that bro...this dude is getting eliminated if he stays I am going to run butt naked to downtown. The deep breaths he was making while hugging Katie gave me the vibes that he would be just as comfortable if Katie was tied up in the corner as he composed a note with magazine clippings. 

  John is a bartender from Pacific Beach and I am pretty sure I have been served by him at Duke's La Jolla.

  Garrett, and Austin are generic from Cali.

Marty keeps our black train rolling.

Landon and Karl are quick attacks, so too is Josh from Miami who is also hard to place ethnically.

Andrew S feigns a British accent after pulling up in a 1920s car.

  Brandon pulls up on a motorcycle.

Kyle pulls out underwear.

An RV pulls up and Jeff a surgical skin salesman' emerges.

Speaking of emerging, a box is rolled up and everyone is waiting on someone to pop out: James another person from Cali is hidden in the box but he never pops out during the intros!

  Brendan was generic.

Marcus runs with the suit at the shin and no socks look.

  Mike the virgin rocks high waters.

Cody from San Diego is a zipper salesman and he brings out a sex doll…

Justin the artist tells Katie he likes to "stroke it out" and pulls out a paintbrush.

  Christian "I hope we can rub one out together."

  Quartney [sic] runs through as many Q words as he can and he like too many of the men tries too hard with sex puns…but somehow it works, it works so well that after Quartney walks into the house Katie fans herself and humps the air .

 "It's so mice[sic] to finally meet you" Connor the math teacher comes out in a cat suit, then scratches at the door, Katie loves it "I am a crazy cat lady."

  Andrew S gets the first one on one time and again brings up his fake British accent which Katie then tries to match.

  A guy brings a bag of minerals to show Katie, I say 'a guy' because none of us caught his name in our watch group and he was not memorable enough for us to go back.Now that he has been eliminated I found out his name is Marty, come on I do not need a spoiler alert here right? HE BROUGHT A BAG OF MINERALS TO SHOW HER ON NIGHT ONE!

  Greg another guy whose name I did not catch (at first) breaks out a macaroni necklace that he claims his niece made.

"Never would have imagined…That I would be laying in a truck full of balls" Katie joins Tre in the Truck bed ball pit (oh and it is not supposed to be a Dodge don't you dare call it a Dodge as we tape over the Dodge emblem…badly).

 

Justin the artist gets the first kiss with a cheesy painting that he says is missing the center, which would be Katie.

  Karl breaks out an impressive picture that he drew "The adventures of Katie and Swizz."

  Jeff takes Katie to the RV and it was blatantly producer sanctioned since a camera was already set up and a mini picnic BUT Katie points out "it definitely feels lived in…he had to move his dirty underwear."

  Aaron from San Diego appears to be a bit of a hothead and tells Cody that "I don't like you" now keep in mind both are from SD so maybe this is lingering beef?

  James finally emerges from the box and Katie immediately lets us know "I definitely have a crush on him." An average looking man does not take that risk to remain in a box for so much of the night.

  Katie and Connor B the cat make out so hard his cat whiskers make up gets all over Katie's nose.

  Michael tells Katie that he has a 4 year old.

  Greg gets the first impression rose.

  Rose Ceremony:

  And I give up, I will let me viewing partners take the notes over here. I just see Hunter stressing over and over and over as each new name is called.

Aaron survives, not sure why based on the little we saw; other than Aaron's are always good peeps (this dude better not kill that).

Easiest pick ever, Cody gets the final rose, no way are they letting that built in drama with Aaron go night one.

  Seven Men exit - Gabriel, Landon, Austin, Brandon, Marcus, Marty and Jeff who can just stay in his RV on property right? Not like he needs to go anywhere.