Before I get to the show let's talk about Pooh Shiesty (Lontrell Williams) who was arrested last week " Last October, Williams, Jayden Darosa and Bobby Brown allegedly arrived at the Landon Hotel in Bay Harbor Islands, Florida in order to buy “high-end athletic sneakers” and marijuana. The criminal complaint by Miami-Dade FBI Detective Elio Garcia states that Williams was driving a McLaren that he had rented from one of the victims. In addition to the purchases of marijuana and sneakers, he went to the hotel in order to negotiate the cost of the rental down. The transaction ended badly, however, as surveillance camera footage captured Williams and Brown shooting one man in the hip and the other in the butt before leaving the scene. As they left, a Louis Vuitton bag with $40,912 in cash fell out of the car. In addition to identification by one of the victims, law enforcement used Williams’ Instagram account to trace him back to the scene of the crime. The rapper had posted pictures earlier with the same Louis Vuitton bag stuffed with hundred-dollar bills that fell out of the vehicle. Williams was initially charged and released on bond for the incident but was arrested again in June after allegedly shooting a strip club security guard in the ankle in May." From https://uinterview.com/news/rapper-pooh-shiesty-arrested-in-miami-hotel-shooting/ Now if that Blurb alone doesn't amuse you take a look at his song 'Neighbors'
where he basically TOLD US he would do this level of crime: "The chopper stay so close to me that you would think we neighbors " well sure, if you are going to commit robberies you need to keep it close. " We had a clear shot on his head, but I think God saved him." Maybe this explains why no one seems to die from a Shiesty shooting. "You never walked up hit your man, you probably never grazed him (Shiesty)
Yeah, I'm a real gangster, did some shit you can't rehearse (nah)
My pocket used to hurt, now I get racks to spit a verse (blrrrd, blrrrd)
God blessed me with some accuracy on the day I was birthed (thank the Lord for my aim)
Every time we get the drops, I'm the one who go scope it first " Well this is all just so clearly wrong, maybe he misunderstood what the Lord gave him…though if you are leaving a Louis bag stuffed with cash, your pockets are for sure not hurting.
"Own many cars, they go so fast that it came with some merch (skrrt, skrrt) I go get free shit out the store, " Well we know you rented at least one, but maybe thinking you should get free stuff explains the crime. " "Sheisty, why you do that though?" (I don't know) Ayy, I'm from South Memphis, we brought up in gorilla mode." Well there you go - he is in gorilla mode (Guerilla maybe?)
Okay let's go from one level of ratchet to another:
We restart with Blake looking pensive that he is going to join the cast. Katie and Katelyn take a walk so that Katelyn can impart knowledge as a Bachelorette who added a former cast member to her cast in the middle of the season. Since the KKs are walking Tayshia goes in to talk to the guys who are assembled on the Couch of Destiny (CoD).
Blake comes in to talk to the assembled men and after greeting them someone responds with just his name "Blake"
Blake for his part speaks in a calm voice and rides out the guys' (not vociferous) dismay that he is there.
A date card shows up AND OF COURSE it goes to Blake. Aaron "you don't expect me to be happy so it is what it is." Katie comes over to see the guys and squeezes into the CoD and whew does it look awkward like a still from pornhub when you see this tiny woman and a dozen men staring at her like hungry sharks.
1x1 Date:
Blake admits that as a kid he was terrified of horses so of course the date is horseback riding – "how do I make it go Katie" "I can't speed it up can I" Blake talks about the horse like it is a car. Blake lets Katie know that there would be times when he will be gone to Africa for a month or more to advocate for wild animals…subtle way to let her know about "our life together."
As Blake and Katie begin a literal roll in the hay we cut back to the house and Greg is asking Connor "Do you see Greg as a contender?" "Yes, a really big one" YOU ARE CORRECT SIR! (Side note, I really wanted to draft Blake in our fantasy league but there was no option for it, instead I chose the PB bartender and poof there were went my 4th guy after just 2 weeks). Greg thinks Katie will be drawn to Blake's energy "I just hope he messes it up somehow." Well if by mess it up you mean her hair then yes…he is doing that.
THEN we get a trigger warning that the next segment will deal with themes of sexual consent – wow that is heavy.
A group date card arrives and Aaron reads it in a manner that sounds like he is announcing executions "Love is a battlefield, heart Katie" I always crack up when the guys say "heart" and that card clearly means a combative type date. So history says someone will get injured, and the lead will express shock and confusion that, that could occur.
Back to the date, evening portion: Blake asks Katie how she became so sex positive and we get a replay of the story that she shared last week, I do not want to recap it here because it saddens me so much and you can always read it here http://calijamaican.blogspot.com/2021/06/bachelorette-recap-or-nick-viall-is.html. It says so much of my current fear of how bad the world is (see Cosby's release) that when the trigger warning came up I immediately thought we were about to get a bad scene on the show and did not even think it could be a repeat of the prior story. Blake responds as best he can "she gave me so much more than a rose, she gave me trust and honesty." Then off to see Laine Hardy and you know I do not know who he is.
Group Date:
And one of the first images the camera shows us is a Red Flag…I see you producers. "Everyone is here except Blake and Andrew S" Katie might have saved some of these guys by keeping Andrew S off the field. Katie asks the guys to guess who the sports legends she has recruited for the day will be and the guys are making some fantastical picks including "Dwyane Wade" "Michael Jordan" and "Michael Phelps" instead they get Wells Adams and Franco Lacosta,
Aaron sums up the group's disappointment well "I have no idea who these guys are" this isn't even like getting store brand when you asked your mom for name-brand this is getting broccoli when you asked for ice cream.
Wells explains that the game is a combination of Rugby and Basketball
and Michael whispers "we are going to die." The winners of the game will
have time with Katie and a chance at the rose, while the losers go home
and await their fate/ Hunter gets to practice
tackling with Katie…he is excited.
The men are forced to wear cutout singlets. Can we discuss that Connor who does not seem to know how to use buttons is completely shirtless?
Mike P tries to score and Hunter cleans him up with a tackle and we are told "that set the tone" the game gets rough and Katie says "I am a little nervous for them." Cue Michael A getting the ball about to go for a shot or a pass and he gets smacked in the back from Justin folding him up
leaving Justin to give the usual speech "I feel bad we are not trying to hurt anyone."
Then Katie's "When I saw him on the ground with the medics I felt horrible" BUT WE GET THIS EVERY SEASON. This game is especially foolish this year since Katie says out loud "If you get hurt and leave the bubble you are done, you don't get to come back" which means guys are going to hide injuries to not let their chance at the show go. Katie calls the game and declares them all winners so they can all go to the cocktail party. See my above prediction when the date was announced, these competitions are junk and the risk vs reward is ridiculous.
Evening portion:
Katie takes Michael alone first and there are jokes about whether he will be able to get up from the CoD.
When Michael asks for a kiss he jokes that Katie has to come to him "you poor injured man." On Connor's time he breaks out a ukulele and a shirt that is unbuttoned (practically) down to his crotch.
Hunter is morphing into the new villain "I don't want to sound cocky but there is no one else like me here" while we see Quartney getting wrapped in toilet paper because "I want to be your toilet paper when sh!t goes down" and then "am I on a roll?" Hunter shows Katie photos of hia kids "I want them to meet you, I want you to know that." "My goal is for her to forget about these other relationships and for these other guys to come back to the house with their tail between their legs" Hunter, bro, is a producer making you say this or are you just this 'broey'?"
Back to the house "Andrew S. let's find our way to love…"
Back to the date: Mike finally tells the guys about his trauma (his partner of 16 years, her struggle with illness and death) and the fact that "yesterday" would have been his wife's birthday and it leaves many in the group emotional, Greg in particular is in tears. Katie tells Greg "you have resting sad face…you look like a lost puppy dog."
Hunter GETS THE ROSE.
This crushes Greg some more…like a lost puppy dog.
Katie has incentivized these guys to think that they should snitch on each other or band together to remove someone they do not like, and Aaron knows this so after Hunter gets the rose Aaron tells us that he needs to let Katie know that Hunter is two-faced.
1x1:
Andrew S does not have a day date portion that we can see. Katie takes him for a walk into the woods and Andrew goes full stereotype of "black people don't do spooky!"
Not to fear Katie plugs in an extension cord and the woods light up with string lights and hanging envelopes. Andrew has to lift Katie up to get the envelopes (gets to show off strength) the envelopes have questions or challenges…Andrew S has to show off signature dance moves and Matt now has company in the bad dancing without music category, Katie tells us that "it is obvious in the way that we kiss that there is some physical chemistry…I hope that tonight is the start of me falling for him."
During the dinner portion Andrew brings up a deep topic, one of his exes was worried about having interracial children (that is a real struggle for those of us who date outside of our races) but Katie assures him that she has no problem with having interracial children and would be there for their children. Andrew gets the hot tub surprise and I chuckle thinking – Fantasy...points!
Cocktail Party:
Michael tells us that he expects "tonight to be very intense…it hurt that Blake got the one on one."
As they amass on the CoD I notice that Aaron's left hand is heavily bandaged.
Katie walks in with a dress that has a savage split but three 'safety strips?'
Justin comes up with a game for he and Katie to play; it involves questions and one of Katie's answers is "I just want sex" when she misunderstands (granted it was badly worded) the question of if she "would rather go a year without music or a year without sex."
While the San Diego guys are talking about Hunter behind his back Hunter takes Katie to go sky gazing, he claims he brought the telescope from home, he has (a producer has) set up a blanket, champagne, strawberries and cushions to create as Katie says "a mini one on one date." James from San Diego is fed up by Hunter and goes to interrupt but Hunter brushes him off claiming "I literally just got here" not true but it works to initially brush off James. Once James finally takes Katie away Hunter views it as a personal affront and intimates that he is going to get her back. Katie is impressed by James' boldness and it leads to a make out session and a hand on the leg grab.
As James, Aaron and Tre are discussing fears of being sent home Hunter comes over and they call him out for taking up a lot of time with Katie. Tre basically hints that Hunter is the new Thomas, and Hunter is severely affronted, this show feeds on itself, as the guys boot a villain they need a new villain.
Rose Ceremony:
Of course this show deliberately plays with the editing making it hard to tell but if Tre is being accurate, he and a few other guys did not have time with Katie. At first I thought Katie was wearing a see through top as part of her off shoulder dress only to realize it is just the result of heavy tan lines trying to be compensated for by makeup.
Greg gets the first rose, then Aaron, Michael A., then Connor and his deep, deep unbuttoning, James, Justin (my squad lives another day), Mike P. (I think that completes the San Diego contingent), Brendan, (leaving us down to the last rose and the typical culling of the ethnic herd) you knew Tre had to get this last rose, a built in spy and drama magnet? No way is he getting cut this soon.
As Quartney is leaving the guys really seem to regret his leaving.
The final toast has Aaron starting it and Hunter jumping in as Aaron pauses and says "uhmm" Hunter jumps in with an "uhmm I think this was an intense day for everybody…" A TOAST STEAL! Impressive.
Bloopers:
Franco teaches the guys to "gazelle jump" and to move their hips, Michael Jordan would never have done that for them!
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