Well, multiple weeks the DVR has threatened to not record this show and finally it did it, 93 minutes into the show my cable failed. Though it feels like a sign from my DVR to stop watching I will ignore it because Hulu's siren song says "I got you boo."
Back to the TWO ON ONE:
Genevieve goes first for solo time and she tells Clayton she is emotional about being on the date, while G is unloading Shanae is spying on the couple.
In wrestling they say do not pick up the title unless you have won it.
During Shanae's time she claims G is acting and was planning to go home the night before, Shanae squeezes out some fake tears (and then confirms this in an interview) and goes from fake tears to wiggling coquettishly at Clayton, if he falls for this...Shanae tells us that "getting this rose will be better than sex." Shanae after telling us she faked tears "G is fake, she is an actress."
Clayton sits between the 2 women and picks up the rose "G...you did ask me to be honest with you so I have one question (then asks 2) are you an actress? Are you lying to me?" As G starts to stutter a "no" answer Shanae is smirking. G has the look of a woman who is over this chump but does not want to give up on the show.
Clayton as is his wont gets up and walks away from the women to stand awkwardly and 'think' - conflict resolution is not his forte.
Shanae tries to twist the knife because she wants to make sure that if G is going home she will know that she is the one who sent her home "to be open I told him what I overheard last night."
"The rose today is going to someone who helped me see the truth in all this, Shanae...I am just so sorry but I cannot find it in my heart to give you this" G and Clayton walk off together without a backward glance to Shanae leaving her on the bench wide eyed and stunned. Look if Shanae had not expressed that level of evil would we be cool with how cold blooded that execution was? To call her name then give the rose to another woman is cruel to anyone, I then bit the head off of a gummy bear.
Shanae "I hate Clayton, I never want to see him again." The women back at the hotel are celebrating after the suitcase remover paused dramatically in front of the 2 suitcases then removed Shanae's, champagne is popped.
COCKTAIL PARTY:
Without Shanae the women are all buddy buddy and glowing...for now.
Sarah pulls Clayton first, Mara does not look pleased. Rachel during her time does that stupid overly intense whisper talk, she tells Clayton that she is falling for him. I think I need her to win because if she doesn't I fear we would get a whole season of the Bachelorette via whisper.
Mara is anxious for time "I am a keeper" "I have been waiting" she tells Clayton that she loves to feed people "especially ones that I care about" she feeds Clayton some poutine
and then her time with Clayton is interrupted by Serene. This causes Mara to break down in tears "I am a grown ass woman."
ROSE CEREMONY:
I feel for some of these women, they have had no (air) showtime with Clayton, Mara continues to death stare Sarah, or at least the show wants us to think that.
Roses to - Sarah, (Mara immediately looks annoyed), Serene, Susie, Teddi, Eliza, and the final rose
goes to Mara because the producers can sense drama, let's not be fooled. Hunter and Marlena are going home, both have nice exits. Marlena surprises me by crying "I am a prize and I am never going to forget that...I will find love when it is my time."
Off to Hvar, Croatia.
The ladies do the job that the Croatian tourist board would request of the show, and exclaim about the city and Serene points out "magical place to fall in love, there is a fricking castle right there." Mara is hoping to get a one on one but instead Clayton takes Teddi and poor Mara starts to pretend to be a witch for us claiming that the suddenly rolling in rain is due to her "Yup...and you think I am kidding."
ONE ON ONE:
The couple explores the city while it rains but in the evening is when Teddi brings the heat in a stunning dress that grabs Clayton's attention.
Teddi tells Clayton that she is a virgin and part of it was due to her mom having a baby when she was young and the pressure was put upon her to wait. Clayton says "I wouldn't have known" I know he was just struggling for words but I cannot help but chuckle "there is no virginal look bruh."
Teddi says she is waiting to share her first time with someone she is in love with, but she has not been in love before. Teddi gets the date rose.
Back to the hotel and the group date card arrives with Mara's name on it and Sarah's name is excluded which means Sarah will get a second one on one, Mara cannot hide her tears "He is going for the youngest girl in the house who I cannot imagine is ready to be engaged."
GROUP DATE:
Mara tells us she woke up in a different frame of mind and ready to fight for Clayton. Oh and the date is opened with 2 knights simulating fighting. Croatia has female knights, let us applaud progressive slaughter this might seem like laughter but I really am happy to see a female knight (I would prefer no knights but if they must exist).
The women will be put through challenges, the first is a test of strength; Susie appears to dominate.
Second test eating "A Knight's feast" and it is a trope of this show, eating stuff from other cultures, that basic Americans will call gross, tonight we have - pig's liver, cow's stomach, pig brains then fish eyes. Gabby an ICU nurse says she has a strong gag reflex and calls the food "gross." Serene and Mara are the only 2 to eat most of the food with Serene winning.
The final challenge is to kneel and declare affections to Clayton. Mara breaks out a pretty witty poem and I cannot lie I was impressed (not as much as Mara was impressed with herself) Mara thinks she is a lock to win the date...Serene is awarded the winner by the Croatian knights.
Evening:
Rachel does her now default move of sitting in Clayton's lap and whispering
Mara keeps harping on the age of some of the women, thing is this environment is toxic and I bet it can break you especially if you think that the age gap between you and others is significant (in the real world it is not) and I bet the producers are feeding into it. In her one on one time with Clayton Mara makes a tactical misstep, she tells Clayton that she is annoyed that he is spending time with other women and also brings up the age thing to Clayton while mentioning that some women have voiced that they are not ready for marriage. After all of that "I am giving this rose to someone who has opened up my eyes...Rachel." Mara girl, I hate to tell you, this is not your race, you trained for the 100m and these women are running the 400m.
We go to Clayton's room and there is a knock on his door and a note is slipped under his door, suspiciously in the handwriting of all the date cards "Clayton meet me by the clock tower."
Clayton on his way to the tower tells us he is nervous after the words from Mara that "some women are just here for a good time." Clayton is ecstatic to discover that Susie is the one who requested his presence at the clock tower and celebrates like his team just won the title.
As Susie climbs the clock tower with Clayton she gives the game away "oh my gosh this is so cool" at the top of the tower "this is freaking cool" clearly she did not set this up. Susie's reason for the set up "I do feel like I am falling in love with you " " I hope it is a good thing" Clayton "It is a phenomenal thing."
Pre-Sarah date, Clayton meets up with Jesse Palmer for a coach's pep talk.
ONE ON ONE:
Clayton shocks Sarah by bringing up that others do not think she is ready for marriage and asks her if she is ready to be engaged at the end of the season. Sarah starts bawling "I told you from day one that I am here because it is you...after my one on one I was like I could see myself engaged to this person." "I wouldn't be here if that was not what I wanted and If I did not see that with you." Clayton does his oafish move of saying "I need to step away and think this through" you are a grown man, why do you keep literally walking away from people?
Sarah is crying to a producer "it is clearly someone who is upset...it is a bitch ass move...why would you do that to me?" Sarah's tears are intercut with Mara telling the women back at the hotel that she was not ready for marriage at 23. Also note this cry face from Sarah was used in the super tease when Clayton says "I was intimate with both of you."
Clayton returns to tell Sarah that he has fears that giving her the second one on one has put a target on her back while offering her the date rose. "I do believe Sarah without a doubt in my heart...it is saddening that she had to go through this" YOU PUT HER THROUGH THIS.
Sarah now that she has her rose is feeling herself "you can book a ticket home, you can find a vase for my rose and then go home."
Blooper:
Hunter says she is going to teach Clayton the North Carolina dance 'shagging' this is probably why she got sent home despite getting a kiss here and nearly suffering a wardrobe malfunction.
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