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Monday, July 20, 2015

The Bachelorette recap or lets all coitus because we cannot really communicate version 22.89

We return to Shawn in Nick's room finally 'confronting' him. It is a back and forth of stunningly boring fashion.

Time for Ben's One on One:
Kaitlyn (K) tries to sell us on Ben's qualities but she is not a good enough actress. They go horseback riding and both pretend talk to the natural. They come upon a field with donkeys and these donkeys seem to be ultra pleasant, my grand dad had donkeys and I feared those damn obstinate animals as a kid so I was shocked to see how chill these 2 were then they started chasing Ben and K and...YUP THERE THEY ARE the donkeys we all know and love. Oh there is a tonne of kissing (Kiss count one, but as said earlier by the time you get to this point, everyone gets a kiss).

The evening portion - We find out that Ben had his 26th birthday on the show and then they talk about age alot - K being the 'hot older woman.' Ben gets offered a chance to stay with K in the fantasy suite he gives a weirdly aggressive monologue about wanting to spend more time alone with her. So they of course spend the night together but I miss much of it because the news promo below K is "Coming up...Local man bitten by rattlesnake says he tried to take pic w/ it" - wrong of me to wish he wasn't able to talk? K says she has fallen in love with Ben...but hey not like there are 2 other guys around

Time for Shawn's One on One:
They are going golfing, and K gets Shawn a bright pink polo with bright blue pants outfit she does it apparently to tease him, I wonder if she has not hit any suburban party recently...all the 18-40 year olds are wearing outfits like that 'ironically'. They are both predictably bad at golf. Shawn 'loses' to K so she makes him play Truth or Dare'. He picks dare and K dares him to go streaking so we now have a naked American running across historical greens.

Evening portion - K asks Shawn about the animosity between Nick and Shawn. Shawn takes the tact of aggressively calling Nick out, at this stage why not? K says she wants to continue their discussion off camera so she offers the fantasy suite card. Cut to the morning with Shawn saying see you soon and walking out with nary a backward glance. Nick is waiting for him in the parking lot...strange I supposed to believe he just knew when Shawn would be leaving? Was he standing there for hours? Is he psychic? Do they all always take the walk of shame at the same time?

Nick says that when Shawn came over to his place the other day he didn't have a chance to say his side of the story, guess he needed a day to formulate his answers. Shawn accuses Nick of being 2 faced and Nick repeatedly asks him if he is threatening him - I think he was really hoping for a way of getting Shawn booted off the show.

Obvious Man Chris Harrison shows up and points out to K that Shawn might be a jealous fellow.
On to the Rose Ceremony:
K gives her monologue then breaks down crying and has to leave. OMCH goes to check on her, his version of offering solace is to whisper obvious things to K including "Tell them what is going on" SEE THIS IS WHY YOU ARE OMCH! Nick gets the first rose and whoa I just noticed K's dress that is some cleve being shown tonight. Oh yeah, Shawn gets the second rose, but come on you knew that. While I think Nick is a dick, I have to acknowledge that he is clearly one of the best ever at playing this 'game'. K walks Ben out, offers him little comfort and we are left with Shawn and Nick standing alone draining their champagnes in a large room not talking nor looking at each other.

Nick meets up with K to give her the 'Aw shucks' I am falling in love with you speech. K getting dumber by the episode says that it was so reassuring to her and let her know that they are on the right path, they of course Kiss.

Cut to Nick's family all sitting around in a large circle looking apprehensive (This show loves large circles and big couches) Nick's mom is crying and this causes the little girl in the room to cry (Nick's sister Bella).

Hmm the Bachelor/ette is casting in HI soon, so I immediately pick up my phone and tell my old law school roomie to please please go, I will pay his costs...he wont get on though...he is Asian.

Nick and K tell his family that it is down to 2 guys the family acts a bit surprised.
Nick's sisters take K aside to ask her questions. Bella asks "how is you love my brother?" Man they would have teased this girl mercilessly at my prep school and high school (I think now we would call it bullying) thankfully we are past those years.

These families have to be so coached or have planned in advance to not really "discuss this on camera" the conversations are so stilted and not at all in accord with what a parent would demand of their kid to explain to them whey they want to marry this person that they just met.

Time for Shawn's family: Shawn tells K she is meeting his sisters and to be prepared but K says "Sisters are my Jam...I have 6 step sisters and one real sister" (those step sisters are going to love that). Shawn's mom wasn't able to make it and now I really really want to know why. Usual family questions to K and then Shawn's dad takes him aside to point out "What the hell is going on? This is nuts" yes sir it is. As above with Nick's family none of the answers would truly have placated a concerned family. Anyway the answers seem to satisfy all involved. Shawn tells K he is in love with her - Kisses (100 % episode)

Boring finish, let's hope the tell all has fireworks.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.