Many times this show via its previews comes across like the Verizon ads promising 5G and then in fine print have warnings basically saying "this is all potentially true in the future but we are not sure right now [I paraphrase]" a great example of the Bach fake out was for weeks we saw Hannah Ann (HA) bawling in a preview and everyone assumed it was because she was sent home but instead it was tears of joy? This is how I feel about the clips of Barb (Peter's mom) screaming "BRING HER HOME" for all I know they had a female puppy that got lost during the filming of the episode and Barb just wants her home.
So the show tonight will be doing the studio audience thing. The first part of the show is doing the post fantasy suites rose ceremony before we cut to the infighting of the 'Women Tell All.'
'Racist' Victoria (RV) is the first woman we get back to in Australia and we get her voice over with RV telling us that "Peter's heart is very pure" and my brain immediately hears it as "Peter's lineage is very pure, pure and white, at least he looks white, so that's white enough for me!"
We then get HA telling us how much she is falling in love with Peter while repeatedly applying lip gloss? She is so young!
But we do not go to Madison for her stilted voice over instead we get Peter and OMCH meeting under trees to discuss whether Peter will even see Madison walk up for a rose ceremony.
HA "My love for him just strengthens me each and every day" I get the feeling HA has a 'daily affirmations' calendar.
More pining from Peter, as he struggles with waiting for Madison…if he ends up with the other girls how can they watch this season and feel comfortable.
We get to see HA and RV standing on the platform (freezing) waiting for Peter and maybe Madison? Peter himself is whispering to producers "where's Madi?"
It is clearly windy on the platform and the 2 waiting girls are clearly freezing as this OBVIOUS producer ploy is used to build tension,
Of course you know Madison eventually shows up.
Look I applaud Madison for sticking to her principles I DO NOT applaud her for acting as if she does not know the set-up of this show, it was too clearly a move on her part to wait to get to the final 4 before telling Peter that she did not want him to have sex with the others AND to still not tell him that she is waiting for marriage.
Peter starts crying before giving out the first rose saying that this decision is going to destroy him:
HA gets the first rose and she and Peter share a long hug, many will think that was for intimacy but I know that was so HA could get some body heat; she is in a tiny and thin dress.
Peter calls Madison forward to give her the final rose and Madison looks stone faced and barely utters a "yeah" which makes Peter whisper back "you sure? " as they hug the show pipes in some beating heart sounds.
RV had to know she was chopped the second HA got the first rose after waiting on that platform so long for Madison to arrive.
Peter walks RV out to then sit on a bench so she can continue to freeze while he tells her "I was falling in love with you…but my heart is further along with those other girls." RV "I just feel stupid" like modeling for a "white lives matter" campaign and saying it was only for white marlins, not a political statement.
Normally by this time of the season I feel a pang of conscience as someone leaves crying in the limo but I cannot muster up even a scintilla of empathy for RV.
Madison's toast - "Here's to seeing if love can conquer all" to which HA rightfully gives a pouted smirk.
Time for the
WOMEN TELL ALL:
If it is true that the show didn't invite Natasha and Kelley this is messed up.
As always the intro moment is a quick rundown of "oh yeah she was on this show."
There is a tonne of bronzer on this stage.
We start with recap clips which ends with "Women tell all, come at me I don’t [Bleeping] care" from Tammy.
Sydney gets to go first re Alayah and she calls Alayah scripted. Lexi says that Alayah was treating the show like a pageant.
Alayah says her voice changes to the various octaves people accuse her of faking because it is what her mom calls her "Princess Voice."
We then have a free for all of just women yelling at each other to the point that it becomes unintelligible and OMCH just sits there smugly as it goes off the rails and then sends the show to commercial
We come back to champagne-gate and Shiann says it was handled "irrationally" and Kelsey smartly just accepts it, easier to lean into it vs fighting the narrative of having a bad drunken night.
These ladies are micro parsing their words "You called me a stupid Fing Bitch" "I didn’t say stupid" "What did you say" "I said dramatic Fing Bitch."
Kelsey's moment on the hot seat:
It felt like an audition for shows down the line, if we hadn't already known that Clare Crawley was already announced as the next Bachelorette I would think this was Kelsey's test reel.
Because Kelsey cries a lot the show brings Ashley I out to meet her, Kelsey immediately guessed who would be coming out. Ashley I presents Kelsey with a massive bottle of champagne that she cradles like a baby…well at least she got one out of this show.
RV's time in the hot seat:
So of course she is crying. RV is asked about breaking up marriages and she denies it saying that Marissa (the source to Peter) just wanted to be on the show. The Bachelor as is its move just WHITE washes the actual controversy about RV and pretends the only thing people care about is that she may have broken up marriages. When POC tell you that America does not care about them, these are the kind of moments we are speaking of.
Peter and his parents travel around with OMCH to visit Bachelor viewing parties around town, I blog about this show but these people LIVE IT, they have massive parties, with decorations and themes and goodies, my friends and I had to plan almost a month out just for the THREE of us to meet up for the finale, and these people do this for every episode? Leaning into 'the entire Weber family is sexual' there is a scene where Peter's parents pretend to get it on in the backseat of the SUV while Peter and OMCH are looking for them in the parking lot.
Peter arrives to "aw-shucks" his way through the hot seat:
Savannah calls Peter out and asks him if he regrets "rewarding drama," he does not.
Bloopers:
Peter's move of lifting girls on to hard surfaces to make out backfires for Mykenna when he lifts her up and she hits her head on a cupboard.
Janice Dickinson warns the girls "You gotta be careful about those HTDs or HSNs…[corrected by listening girls} oh STDs."
Victoria P apparently thinks coyotes sound like chickens.
Rachel Lindsay (former Bachelorette) is brought out to sit down with OMCH:
The show is addressing some of the hate the women on this show receive. It is past time the show deals with this which is part of why I am so annoyed at how much they glossed over the RV racism thing. Much of the attacks on these women are based on the racial tensions of this show and let me remind you, representation matters, it is why I was so annoyed that the show did not pick Mike instead of Peter, adding a black bachelor to the Bachelor roster would help people to realize this show does not have to be a lily white domain. RV stays quiet throughout this segment.
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