Bachelor recap or "how do I tell you I already did the thing you told me not to?"

Let me turn on during Black History Month a show that has consistently been some of the whitest programming this side of the CMAs.

All those people who told me Mike should not be Bachelor and now hate Peter I hope they cringe every Monday night.

I made sure to fill out my ballot and took it up to the mail slot before watching tonight's episode because I firmly believe this show makes me make bad decisions.

 

We return to the Camarillo Airport hangar just post rose ceremony as Madison takes Peter aside to tell him that she is not the type to have sex in the fantasy suites because she is saving herself for marriage, she made sure to do this after getting the rose but Madison never actually tells Peter she is saving herself for marriage.

 

Madison tells Peter that if he sleeps with someone else in the fantasy suites she would not be able to move on in the show – "Gee it is going to be really hard for me" Madison actually said "gee."

Peter as is his wont is confused by people speaking plainly to him "What is it you are asking me to do?"

Peter asks Madison to be clear so she says "In no way do I want to give you an ultimatum…but for me actions speak louder than words, and I am just really big on that."

 

Let us keep it real Peter's most famous accomplishment before becoming the Lead was having sex four times in a windmill it comes off as weird that Madison would sign up for this show stay on it this long and then place a no sex ultimatum on the lead.

 

Off to the Gold Coast, Australia:

Peter tries out a terrible Aussie accent, which I recognize because mine is terrible too, I just have the good sense to not do mine on camera.  

 

In a different twist on the usual format the show has all the women rooming together

Madison calls the Gold Coast "for sure the best place we have been to so far" shout out to Cleveland you know you feeling mad! "Racist" Victoria (RV) calls their living situation awkward, I finally agree with her on something.

I really wonder if after Madison expressed all of her reservations with Peter the show changed the living situation to put all the ladies in one suite.

 

Hannah Ann (HA) is the first date out of the box:

Peter tells us that he sees in HA someone willing to live life to the fullest…she is 23?

As usually happens with this show the first date of fantasy suites week is kind of boring because you know the producers are setting up the fireworks for later.

Cue the evening portion and Peter telling HA "I feel so good about us, I could see us doing this for a lifetime" "when I tell you I am falling in love with you, I mean that with every fiber of my being."

When the Fantasy suite invite is read HA says "clearly I am in love with you…I am not going to turn down an opportunity to spend some more time with you."

Peter and HA pop a bottle of champagne in their suite and I think a little piece of Kelsey's soul just died if she is watching this.

 

Back to the main suite and Madison and RV are talking, Madison is saying that the dinner portion is about to start and RV gleefully says "or getting ready for bed" which makes Madison scowl.

 

Back to Peter and HA making out on a balcony and Peter asking HA "shall we explore inside?" Subtle bro, subtle.

Peter and HA are making out on the bed and then we get their silhouettes against a bathroom door with a hand that looks like HA's pressed against the door, but because I do not trust anything from this show I will make zero speculation.

 

Next morning Madison is telling RV that she is close to her breaking point and HA returns.

RV asks "How did it go?" "It went really well." And then silence descends on the group.

 

It is now RV's time  to get ready to go.

Madison "This is such a weird week"

 

RV and Peter:

As they hug RV pulls away saying she doesn't want to get makeup "all over your white shirt" this feels like a metaphor.

The helicopter budget kicks in and the couple takes a tour of the gold coast.

"I love everything about my relationship with Victoria except when it comes to communication…"  EVERYTHING EXCEPT YOUR COMMUNICATION IN A RELATIONSHIP!

 

Peter and RV talk about their problems communicating "and like" "like" well "like" they need to get on the same page.

Peter says RV coming to see him in the hotel room after her failed hometown date is what convinced him that RV wanted to be with him.

 

Back to the hotel suite, Madison - "Peter sleeping with anyone else definitely makes me uncomfortable" this causes HA to squint. HA tells us in a voice over "we knew what we signed up for." 

 

 

Evening portion of the RV and Peter date; and Peter is spending much of the date reassuring RV, she is a Svengali.

Peter gives RV the fantasy suite invite and she turns it back on Peter "What do you think?" so he has to tell her that he wants to spend more time getting to know her.
"This dinner conversation has been a huge turning point for us, I don't think that I have had another conversation that has had me feeling so good about someone" after Peter uttered those words I rewound the whole dinner because I thought I must have been distracted and missed something…Dear reader, I had not.

RV says that in her past relationships no one asked her how she was feeling so when Peter asks her questions she claims that she thinks something must be wrong…Peter "it is no secret that at points you have tried to push me away…and you have not" I am half worried that I am watching an abusive relationship as a form of entertainment. Peter asks RV why she tries to push him away and she just says "I don't know" and resorts to tears, RV says a whole lot of nothing and Peter says "this has been good for us" RV simply says "I agree." Seriously send her to mind control our enemies!

 

RV is amazed by the fantasy suite "It is a pretty good feeling to be happy."

This is a full statement by RV: "I know I told you last time, and it was like in a weird way, but like I am falling in love with you and I don't know, tonight just like, yeah" that was it that was the whole statement that led to a Peter kiss, that counts as an expression of feelings. Cue the rolling around in the bed.

 

Back to Madison "I think it is hard to think about Peter being with Victoria, that makes me sad" girl I do not agree with anything you have said re fantasy suites, but it does make me sad thinking of anyone being with RV.

 

Back to RV and Peter and we have the 'wake up in bed' scene.

RV "I feel like I was falling in love with you, but now I am in love with you" I guess Peter really is that good in bed. "We are just so connected now, and he is just my person."

 

RV returns to the hotel suite and as she tells Madison and HA about her date Madison has to walk away.

 

Madison and Peter:

Madison runs up for a kiss.

For part of their date Madison and Peter will be scaling the side of the tallest building in the Gold Coast, 270 meters up. You can always tell who the lead likes the most based on how cool the date is. Funny to catch some producers in the background of the shot looking extremely bored on their phones. The height of the building being listed made me look up places I have visited to see if I have been higher, I have, but I did not get to do it in the same spectacular fashion.

 

Back to the suite and RV is shocked that Madison has not told Peter that she is saving herself for marriage.

RV says Madison's actions makes her mad for Peter.

 

On to the nighttime portion of Peter and Madison – Peter tells us that he needs to "be very clear and honest with" Madison.

Peter asks Madison if she would be able to walk away from him if she found out he slept with the other 2 and she says that she cannot wrap her mind around the fact that Peter might have slept with someone else and then "6 days later get down on one knee." Madison's "6 days later" lament is fair in almost every other circumstance except here, this show is all about compressing the dating experience into multiple persons and limited time.

 

Peter tells Madison that he does not want to tell her details of his relationship with the other women but Madison still wants to know what happened with the other women.

Peter finally breaks down "I won't give you any details…but I have been intimate…I cannot lie to you about that."

After hearing Peter's 'confession' Madison asks to be excused from the table "for just a second."

Madison in an ITM "He knew coming into this week, because I made it very clear, that there was a chance he could lose me if he made certain decisions and he made them anyway…I'm so frustrated with him and I am so mad at him."

Peter comes out to Madison to ask her what she wants to do while imploring her to not walk away and in dramatic fashion after telling Peter she is uncertain what she is going to do Madison walks away.

 

Someone pointed out that HA and RV both rock crosses while critiquing Madison's leaning on religion, and I cannot stop chuckling.

 

Blooper Reel:

Has Peter freaking out as RV sneaks up on him from behind