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Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Bachelor recap or tell me why it shouldn't be Madison.

The girls are now in Lima, Peru and in accord with the tourist board the girls walk around the city and exclaim about how beautiful it is.
6 girls remain!
 
Peter talks to his mom and I can in advance see the cringe that will be on my friend Ali's face when she hears his Spanish.
 
Peter meets the girls at their hotel to give them a speech about being sure they want to be there or some such, if you think I paid proper attention you have not read me before. The next day the girls are all forced to sit around and have a chat about their "serious talk" (now that I listen to more and more Bach podcasts I now know they are required to sit in a group and do these).
 
As Natasha tells us that she has not yet had a one on one, a date card shows up for Madison…Natasha has a death stare. I suspect Natasha's pensive look is her wondering if she should pack now or after lunch.
 
Madison - One on one date:
Peter and Madison go fishing, and I want to make a joke about crabs. Peter catches a fish, I now think they had divers down there to hook one on for him…yes I know I am cynical.
 
While the boring date continues, we cut back to the hotel and Natasha finally gets a date card "vamos a explorar" and she is shocked.
 
Back to the date and Peter continues his streak of being a bad dancer!
Madison tells Peter she wants someone that embodies her dad…"such a strong relationship with the Lord." To Madison faith is "all of who I am." Peter says "I do feel like sometimes my faith could be stronger…but it is something that is important to me, I promise you that." Peter has the look of a man who just wants to say the right words to get the girl in front of him to accept him. Pater then breaks protocol and says "I know that I am falling in love with you." Madison "I am so glad you said that, I needed that."
If you couldn’t tell that Madison was a front runner from week one I do not know what to tell you. Madison of course gets the date rose, with Peter saying "I just had the most amazing date with you again" this is despite this being a boring date, when you are in love you are in love…this means Peter will be off to meet Madison's family.
 
 
Natasha one on one:
I suspect I should be nervous for her.
Of course on their date they come upon street musicians and Peter and Natasha get to stand inside the circle of regular patrons watching, this allows Peter to do some more terrible dancing.
 
Peter tells Natasha that she has been the realest with him, he says "maybe too honest" that part said in jest, but I scent traces of truth. Natasha says she hasn't dated in four years then says her last guy said "that I was too intense for him" oh girl, Peter is kind of shallow, you sure this is the tact to take?
 
Back to the hotel and Kelsey gets the next one on one, Hannah Ann, 'racist' VF and Kelley are not pleased, I cannot say they hide it well.
You can see the clear difference between Madison's date and Natasha's date, Peter asks Natasha to tell him if she thinks they can be together long term vs his gushing over Madison. Natasha says "you know a lot."
Peter picks up the rose to tell Natasha that "at the point that I am at with these other relationships, I cannot give you this rose" then puts it down to tell her that she is amazing and "I don't know if I waited too long to give us that chance." It is a cruel move by Peter if it his idea or the show if their idea (I would have refused their request) to hold the rose like it is going to be presented then tell someone that they are going home.
The show features an orchestra playing dramatic music as the breakup happens, makes me wonder if that would have been the romantic concert should the rose have been presented since Peter overlooks them from a balcony while holding a rose.
 
Kelsey one on one date:
Before Kelsey leaves for her date she has to dramatically place her suitcase in the foyer in case the show has to send someone in to take it out of the room to signify the end of her time! I hate to say it but that suitcase looked superlight the way she was handling it…reality tv would never lie to us though, so Kelsey is probably super strong.
 
Kelsey and Peter take ATVs through the countryside. Then run up a hill and fall into each other's arms winded as Peter asks Kelsey what she wants to do in life: She wants to work a couple days a week "but still be able to spend a few days at home with the kids" uhmm that does not seem practical but hey do you.
Peter says "that was a really fun day" and Kelsey pipes up "I told you I am not emotional" that would worry me if someone had to constantly tell me that.
Kelsey tells Peter that if he goes to her hometown he will meet her mom but not her dad because while she did not have a relationship with her dad for years (partly because she did not like that "god told him to do that [leave her mom and not communicate with the kids]…that was a cop out" she and her dad reunited a year ago but her mom does not know about the reunification. Again contrast this date with Natasha as Kelsey does not have to tell Peter why she should remain.
Kelsey tries to kiss Peter even before he can give her the date rose and ask to go see her family in Iowa.
 
Back to the hotel and the 3 on 1 date card shows up "Tomorrow wont be easy."
Kelley tells us that she was annoyed to not get the one on one last night and tonight "I am still annoyed" she calls VF and Hannah Ann children "and who wants to be on a date with them?"
The producers have clearly decided to use Kelley to trash the other girls.
 
3 on 1 date:
The girls take turns hugging Peter as they walk up, it all seemed so formal.
The group meets up with the owner of the hacienda that is over 250 years old he has been married for over 36 years, the hacienda grounds have a chapel and the owner offers to marry them (does Peru allow polygamy?).
 
Hannah Ann is the first to speak to Peter alone. When Peter asks HA how she is doing she says "this week has been really hard on me." Peter tells HA that life is not always all good and he worried that he was only seeing "the all good side of you." HA "I am a very cheesy person, so I wrote down the reasons why I am falling for you" that list is 20 items long on pink paper! Way to not look childish.
While HA and Peter are on their alone time VF is freaking out that there are 2 roses on the table in front of her and Kelley while Kelley just lounges. VF "I guarantee that he is going to come and pick up one of those roses and give to [HA] I guarantee it" she was wrong.
 
Kelley is snagged next by Peter. Kelley with her practical nature tells Peter that not every relationship has to have them jumping through hoops, Peter hates that she says things could be "fun" he wants her to struggle? Peter clearly just wants someone to break down and cry, he has a type and a mode he wants and Kelley is not going to give him that.
 
Speaking of Struggle, here's VF!
Peter wants to know if they have resolved the problems from their one on one where VF intimated that she wanted to leave, "I just want to hear from you, what you make of that." VF "I don't really know and uhmm…If that is what you want to use our time to talk about right now" wait what? Hold on girl the lead is concerned about your doubts and you insult him and tell him that when y'all hang out "you are always in a mood." Peter clearly wants VF to stay because if anyone had spoken to me like she did while I have an option of FOUR OTHER girls I would immediately have cut them!
 
OH NO KELLEY do not get suckered into this, "I think Peter has kind of an easy decision, I mean look at me, I am an attorney, the other girls, what are they? I am ready for a rose!" Kelley please stop making us all look so bad, do not lean into that stereotype girl.
 
Peter says that the decision today will be done without the need of a dinner, he picks up a rose and then says "Victoria can I talk to you." VF and Peter walk off with Peter holding a rose and Peter walks her all the way over to the car away from the other girls, who are now crowing because they are thinking that it is a lock she is going home – THEY ARE WRONG!
I feel like I just watched VF pull off a master class in gaslighting.
 
Peter comes back to the remaining 2 women, picks up a rose and says each girls name and what he has liked about them "this hurts me and this is so difficult, Hannah Ann will you accept this rose?" Kelley is doing everything she can to not look pissed. As soon as Kelley and Peter walk off to go to the car HA breaks down bawling like she was the one sent home. While HA is crying I check my bank statement, see because I am a lawyer and I have a job and I don't know what she does and blah, blah, blah see Kelley it is gauche to 'profession drop.'
 
Kelley has a super salty exit interview in the car: "Do I agree with it no, I question his intentions because I do not know what phase he is in life, the four that are left are like little babies. They don't really know who they are. Are you a child, or are you an adult? But clearly he does not agree." "I don't really want him to waste my time either, thank you for not coming to meet my family."
 
"Congratulations Kelley you played yourself" DJ Khaled voice.
All that said, real congrats, you got to get a bunch of great vacations out of this and I do not think you actually wanted to get with Peter so apart from slandering our profession, girl you a hero!
 
Blooper reel:
Has Peter explaining to the owner of the hacienda the concept of the show "You are dating these three girls?" "Ah that's a situation, yes a situation for sure." Bruh, you rented out your house to a show you do not understand? I am supposed to believe this?

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.