I absolutely do not miss Chris Harrison (OMCH) but there are moments when you remember him and one of those is Hometowns when he used to do the overdramatic intros to lead into the show. But admit it half the time you forget OMCH is no longer there...he played himself.
Clayton looking like a walking brick of cream cheese tells us "today I am in Poquoson, Virginia to meet Susie's family."
SUSIE's HOMETOWN:
Run and jump hug.
"Today we are going to find out if Clayton likes being choked"
yeah blatant double entendre aside do not forget that Susie's intro package showed us her love of jujitsu. Susie's coach feels like a man very uncomfortable with being on camera. Clayton is taught the jujitsu move of 'shrimping' and the couple chuckles as they reminisce about Shanae and Shrimp-gate.
Susie terms herself Virginia-Sue. Susie shades her town "I guess I am like so different from my whole town" then like tells us a story that like has the word like, like a million times while she tells Clayton about her dad's illness "and like it is such a big deal to like meet him."
The Family:
"I am going to meet her Mom Jean, Dad Tom, Sister Barbara and Her Best friend Lauren"? How did Lauren sneak into this? Did Lauren call in a chip?
Susie and Tom go off to talk and Susie says he has set the bar high for men she is interested in. Tom tells Clayton that Susie is special and slept by his bed one night while he was sick. Tom talks up Susie and adds "you get her on the line you gotta reel her in" uhmm Dad your daughter has agency of her own LIKE come on man.
Jean straight up asks Clayton "Do you love Susie?" Clayton equivocates and says "I will get there."
Uhmm so I do not know who was sister Barbara vs best friend Lauren!
GABBY's HOMETOWN:
Denver Colorado, where we find out that Gabby was a 'Denver Bronco's cheerleader for 5 years."
Run and jump hug.
Gabby's plan is for the couple to go hiking Clayton tells us "everyone knows she is the funniest woman alive."
Their hike takes them to 'Proposal Rock' and Gabby lets Clayton know it is a strong hint.
Damn it, they go to a hot tub! I was debating picking Gabby for my team this week and hot tubs/swimsuits/kissing in water all give you extra points!
Gabby tells Clayton that her dad will be unable to make it because his girlfriend was recently diagnosed with Cancer and with Covid protocols it is just not a risk they can take.
Family:
Clayton will be meeting "my grandpa John, and aunt Julie, Uncle Rich, cousin Keira" and Gabby's tears.
"I mean I am falling in love with Clayton." Gabby lets her family know about her Clayton pillow and her "sitting on your face" jokes.
Gabby's granddad insists on calling her Gabriela and I love it "She's always been a dingbat, a loveable dingbat." In talking to Gabby granddad says "I think he is full of sh!t"
with a twinkle in his eye to laughter from Gabby, the show had used that line in promos for this week to try to make it seem like granddad said it in anger...I trust nothing this show does. As Gabby is saying she really wishes her dad could be there a car pulls up blowing its horn...I wonder who it could be.
It's Gabby's dad and he does a 'Love Actually' reenactment holding poster boards calling Gabby the "glue of the family."
In a completely unrealistic moment the rest of the family is wondering what is happening outside but does not walk out to check on her.
Feels like we are racing through these first 2 hometowns so I suspect some drama is coming up in this episode.
SERENE's HOMETOWN:
Run and jump (and some wide swinging legs)
Sadly Serene is from Oklahoma City, I hope she is not a sooner fan!
Serene and Clayton do an aerial based obstacle course so of course Clayton is required to make a tortured metaphor about obstacle courses being like relationships.
I like Serene but if she made me do this we are DONE! She set this up without knowing if he had a fear of heights? To get back down you have to take "a leap of faith" and you are ratcheted down.
Family:
If you have historically watched this show you will not be shocked that Serene is the bi-racial product of a divorced family with a black dad and white mom.
Appearing are Melanie, Serene's Bro Roland and the white mom.
Roland takes Clayton aside to check in, he is worried that the "higher she gets" in the show's episodes "the harder she will fall" he knows a black woman aint 'winning' this. Roland asks Clayton "do you love her?" "To tell you the truth I haven't told anyone that, I am not there yet."
Serene tells her mom that she is in love with Clayton. She also shows her mom the cheesy jar that lights up to rep fireflies she was given by Clayton.
Serene's bro shares a tear with her and expresses concern but joy for her.
Serene tells Clayton that "after today I am not falling in love with you, I am in love with you." Clayton says "it feels so good" he does not tell her her is falling in love with her.
RACHEL's HOMETOWN:
Clermont, Florida. A spin on the run and jump, Clayton tries it before Rachel jumps into his arms.
Maybe this is why Rachel was always whispering she is losing her voice and I wonder if it was because she was forced to talk at a normal volume with non-Bach peeps for a few days.
Rachel and Clayton take a Kayak down a river.
Is this the most outdoorsy hometown episode ever? The couple row to the kissing tree which requires Rachel to wrap around Clayton to kiss him.
The couple strip down to swimsuits and jump in the water, the water she claimed was infested with alligators (which of course meant the show had some gators in the reel) and make out at the water's edge. Rachel describes her dad as "a tough Italian guy."
Family:
"Tonight I am meeting Rachel's mother Mary, her father Tony and then her two friends Sam and Nate" - a lot of friends in this episode is this a covid prompted change?
Rachel's mom screams at her appearance. And this is when we find out that Sam is a woman. Rachel's mom is very happy to hear that her daughter kept getting the group date roses. While everyone else is smiling Tony is 'dead staring.'
Nate gets to talk to Rachel alone first "as happy as you do seem, how are these other people feeling?" Nate showing that he has watched the show "How are you feeling about fantasy suites?" Rachel "I don't know where his relationship is with other people, it is something you have to push out of your mind."
Sam tells Clayton "we are Italian...Tony her dad is going to be tough on you" a lot of identity politics here...is that how we say it?
Tony tells us that he offered to beat up Rachel's past boyfriend because they had an argument. Tony and Clayton go for their talk and it leads to a commercial that returns with Rachel talking to her mom, show really trying to heighten tension here. Rachel tells her mom that she warned Clayton that her dad "doesn't like anyone."
Back to the dad and Clayton "what is it you know about Rachel?" "I love that she is independent and that she is passionate." Tony is a softie "I watch you and I see you interact and it looks like there is nobody else" while he points out that there are three other girls. "If Rachel isn't the one what are you going to do to not hurt her?" Told you the show was just trying to heighten tension. Tony "I really cannot give my blessing because I haven't talked to my daughter...if she gives a good word when I shake your hand when you leave I will pat you on the arm." THIS IS THE MAN THE SHOW TRIED TO MAKE US THINK WOULD BE A MONSTER! My dad is tougher on me when I am deciding on shoes to leave the house in.
Rachel tells her dad she is in love with Clayton and her dad is happy for her.
The dad gives Clayton the promised pat on the shoulder; Clayton says "I do not think this day could have gone any better."
Rachel goes back to the whisper with Clayton "If I was falling for you before I am falling even harder now."
"This is kind of where I am, break three hearts to make one happy."
Back to LA:
ROSE CEREMONY: and the women are showing up in Hyundais not a limo because branding over legacy!
Jesse Palmer sighting, so that Clayton can give us some exposition "I am falling in love with all the women in a different capacity." "I don't want to try to protect myself...I think it is only right that I give them my all, because they have given me their all."
Serene and Gabby show up in dangerous dresses. Serene is getting some background screen time that does not sound good for long term staying.
Roses - Susie gets the first rose, Rachel appears surprised it was not hers, Gabby gets the second and there is more shock from Rachel, and I think Serene now realizes what I realized early, she is not long for this show - Rachel gets the final rose (I will admit I wrote that even before Clayton did the overly contrived look down then look up move to announce it.).
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