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Monday, March 14, 2022

Fantasy Suites or like is it over like over like over over?

 The show takes off to Iceland and they really want you to know they took off since they force in a commercial for IcelandAir and Hilton Reykjavik while Clayton gives us narration that he thinks "I am falling in love with all three women and I am already in love with Susie...I am so excited." Clayton's narration ends with the women on a forced couch of destiny in a hotel room. 


Rachel gets the first one on one, Gabby "I am happy for you" Susie "Me too" Gabby "It will be nice." After Rachel leaves Susie voices "if tonight goes well they will be having intimate time with each other" in her ITM "Sex is something that I only do with people I have some form of commitment with...this week feels impossible and I don't know how to get through this." 

RACHEL

The helicopter budget kicks in


and the couple flies up to a volcano and then descend 400 feet inside of the volcano via a creaky lift (though I do not put it past the show to have added the creaking sounds). Back to the hotel and Gabby is saying she is okay with Clayton exploring multiple relationships and Susie is stressing that he might.

 

Dinner

Before it Rachel tells us that she does not think she will be able to go to the fantasy suite if Clayton does not express his feelings to her. Clayton haltingly says "I will just come out and say it, I am falling in love with you." Rachel is happy to accept the fantasy suite offer while we cut to Susie telling us that if Clayton sleeps with another woman "I would have a really hard time moving forward" she knows what show she is on right? 


Morning after

And the tell tale clothes on the floor and, Rachel is still whispering in a staged moment in bed wearing a robe and makeup "it is absolutely perfect waking up next to you" as a camera is tight on her face. The couple pretends to make breakfast. Rachel "intimacy is really important...and that is all I am going to say." As Clayton leaves Rachel shocks everyone by showing she can yell "I love you" "I love you too Rachel." 


Rachel is returned to the other girls and she states the obvious "it is really awkward...it is going to be a tough week for all of us having to see each other come home [hotel]." I dislike this format the show has adopted the last few seasons of having the final 3 all room together or at least having them bundled together for recaps; at this stage I do not need to see any of them 'broken' but the show wants that. 

GABBY:

Gabby is down, "I am so excited to have my one on one with Clayton and get some intimate time." Gabby is dropped off on a tundra


and as she is freezing and looking around for Clayton he comes up on a dune buggy for them to roam around. Gabby finally asks the question I never hear enough of when people are on a driving date with the lead "Do I get to drive?" and she enjoys her time at the wheel, she thought Clayton was a maniac on the wheel.

The couple goes to what looks like a working restaurant, could they not afford the buyout?

While Clayton is talking you can see a woman over his shoulder having a conversation with someone else, I half expect her to be an extra who interrupts and offers to teach the couple how to dance. 

The couple speaks about opening up and dropping walls. 

Dinner:

Gabby wants to hear that Clayton is falling in love with her...he tells her and earns kisses "She is just as excited to hear it as I am to say it." I know there is a strong push of 'GABBY FOR BACHELOR' but I cannot listen to her voice in extended periods for a whole season, I am just not built for it. 

They of course go to the fantasy suite


As Clayton and Gabby make out on the bed we cut back to Sad Susie. 



Morning after

The couple shares champagne and food in bed...something you can only do in hotel room beds in my life...YOU ARE NOT EATING IN MY BED...take that mess to the guest room. As Clayton walks away we get the yelling moment from the season trailer just with the name added in "Hey Gabby one more thing, I AM FALLING IN LOVE AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!" 


Gabby returns to the awkward couch of destiny and Susie says "She [sic] got bed head." 


Clayton realizes that now that he has told 2 women he is in love with them and thinks he is in love with a third "I am 1000% going to shatter someone" his math is not great. 



SUSIE:

The wind is so heavy Susie feels like she is being blown away, she tried to dress cute under her coat and the coat is being whipped,


Clayton tells her to do the run and jump and she cannot. 

The couple goes to a spa that does the "hot to cold, hot to cold" methods and I feel Susie's pain. I have done one of those before and I literally SCREAMED in one of the cold rooms, they had to physically hold me in the water (I gave them permission) because I was NOT going to willingly do it but I wanted to try the whole experience. 


Dinner:

Susie is breaking out a risque dress. Susie looks like a woman who is determined to break up with a man but let him know what he will be missing. As always Clayton takes forever but haltingly gets to "I was falling in love with you...I am in love with you. Susie does not appear to be happy at this reveal.


Susie does not react to Clayton's profession like the other women, she questions what he has said to the other women. Clayton admits that he has "to answer your questions yes I have slept with someone else here and yes, I've expressed feelings to someone else of falling in love." "BOTH" Susie is telling Clayton that she cannot move forward but Clayton asks a valid question if Susie knew she would have a problem with this why come so far and not warn Clayton about her rules?

Clayton storms out after Susie walks away from the table saying "this is exactly what I was afraid of...this invalidates everything." The producers work very hard they made sure to put Susie last they know what is up. 

Now that Clayton is ready to abandon and cry Jesse Palmer shows up, gotta earn that keep (THIS IS VERY SUSPICIOUS THAT JESSE HAPPENS TO BE AT A FANTASY SUITE pre-date). Clayton to Jesse "what up?" "You tell me" - Clayton then repeats "Why wouldn't she tell me? "She just completely destroyed me" "I know man, you told me from the beginning this is what you were afraid of" then Clayton some of this is on you for not asking the women in advance how they would react should you decide to be you know...intimate. Both sides can be wrong in a situation - Susie should have had the conversation to warn him about her rules and Clayton should have checked in if he had the fear - This is separate from Clayton's terrible reaction to the news, he failed himself here. 


Clayton tells Susie "you just invalidated everything I thought we had" then brings up how much her family said she was in love. Susie says "I know I am going home for sure now, you are committed to sending me home." Clayton "I apologize for raising my voice, this is out of character for me...but we are done...let me walk you out."


As Clayton walks away and walks to the car Susie is trailing behind him and saying the word "like" every 4th word as she is apologizing for how the situation went down. Interesting time for Clayton to throw his faith into the conversation. 

Blooper

Gabby tries to explain spelunking to Susie. 




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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.