Tonight we invade Barcelona. Drew has the first
one on one and both E. Money and D immediately proclaim him “SOoooooo gay”
crazy to see how quickly and immediately they both said the same thing. E, was
surprised his umbrella was not a rainbow. Drew breaks out his sob story and
tells us his dad is a recovering alcoholic and big in AA I yell “way to make it
anonymous”
They walk past some street musicians who just
happen to be posted up in their alley way but mysteriously do not have a hat or
bucket or anything to get money they are clearly just playing for the love…or
for the show.
Des and Drew are sitting down at the table then
Drew grabs her hand and takes her running off down an alley for a ‘private’
make out session. To really sell the ‘realism’ the Bachelorette adds in some
post production sounds of frantic running and even show us one of the many
camera men to make it seem more real but he only makes it about 200 feet before
he starts making out in “private”. Once he gets the safety of the Rose he then
dimes out James and his alleged plans to be the next Bachelor.
For the group date they go to play
football…remember there is a professional footballer on the show. They end up
playing a professional team, a women’s professional team. Kasey expresses shock
that they are going to play a team, you know despite the fact that they always
play a team when in any competition. The women’s team smokes them with James in
the goal who absolutely should be castrated for his effort.
They all go to the dinner portion of the date
and Des starts reading some poetry to Chris because you know Poets and stuff. Her
poetry is terrible, absolute junk and of course Chris has to look like he loves
it. I have no idea if he does or not but no way does he tell her the truth if
he thinks it sucks.
Kasey et al pull James to the side to accuse him
of saying that he planned to be the next Bachelor. James accuses them of using
hearsay while addressing Michael (the Federal prosecutor) I like that he has
been watching his 'Law and Order'. James does my move of trying to attack the
attackers and finding one nugget of truth and hammering it in, in this case –
the fact that Michael was not actually present for the alleged conversation.
That is the way to do it, find something you can attack and go for it even if
it does not matter one bit in the grand scheme.
Des declares no rose for the group date
because she needs time to confront James. She starts to ask him all the
questions that the guys have told her. James does a good move as above and
attacks a single area and attacks it hard, he claims the guys are jealous and as
E said “pauses long enough to work up the man tears”. Des needs time to think,
so she has to walk away then comes back to say she needs even more time and
will have to sleep on it.
The guy all assume that James is not returning
and then he walks in and actually does something smooth: “Gentlemen, [pause]
Good night [icicles hang in the air]” walks off. And I want to applaud him.
Zak gets the one on one. I may not have said
this yet but he is my favorite on this show just because he is so goofy
(remember last week he yodeled). So tonight they go to an art studio and take
drawing lessons the first model walks in steps on the podium and everyone
assumes he is going to strip…but he does not. Then a second model comes out and
yup we have a nude model situation, the look on Zak’s face is again a reason to
love him on this show, he had the look of someone who was told to prepare for a
surprise rectal examination. Zak breaks out his own body (shielded by a brief)
for Des to draw…only the supremely confident could risk that.
James and Drew have an argument and James says
the most honest thing anyone on the show has ever said “this is not a normal
situation” while referring to the show. The guys all have a team meeting
without James; it’s the Real World house “house meeting y’all”. Every one of
the guys is dressed casually but James comes in rocking a formal shirt and designer
jeans and sandals…not a good look son. By the way casually for these guys means
V-necks all around.
Des in her stand up claims that she plans to
send James home then they begin the talk and we cut to another stand up of Des
where she is now confused about sending him home. James manages to confuse Des
with his words, not that hard. James is sweating so hard that it looks like he
is lactating yet by the time he returns to the room, his shirt is completely
dry…I have to wonder if they A. switched his shirts for him or B. the time
periods in between the shots is ridiculously long or C. it is edited out of
order.
The guys again confront James (Zak chills in the
background like a G) and James comes off perfectly reasonable, he points out
that the show is not real life, that people think about other people when they
are not committed to someone blah blah blah. Basically he says things normal
people would think about when entering a reality show and the other guys just
cannot fathom it.
Des is seen staring at the pictures to make her
decision and I forgot how much I missed those ridiculous fake decision making
moments.
Rose ceremony time and a bombshell is dropped,
three people are going home tonight. And they are James, Juan Pablo and Kasey.
Michael gets to stay and then makes another legal reference…thanks again man
nothing like making lawyers look like tools.
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