Our night begins with an Aerial shot of the Swiss Alps and of course there is yodeling – cliché much? One of the guys mentions that he has never been to Europe, then a beat later he says “this is probably one of the best hotels in Germany” How can you know? Okay looks like I am already starting to ask too many questions of a show that makes little to no sense.
The same guy who last week thought that he should go home, of course immediately starts bringing it up again. Nothing like getting that free trip to Europe first. He starts roaming the streets looking for Des and her one on one date by asking random strangers if they have seen people with television cameras. Brian claims he hopes it will not affect the one on one date…if so homie why not wait till the date is over?
The roomie catches Des saying Brian broke her heart…really Des? He broke your heart? The guy who told you that he wanted to go home and you convinced him to stay? That guy?
The one on one date was painfully boring, and our streak that was broken last week by Darius Rucker showing up quickly resumes: NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE MUSICAL ACT ON THE SHOW IS. I was so confident that I would not know who it was that I fake bet the roomie that neither he nor Jess (yes we have roped someone else in) would know the name of the musical act.
Thr group date is on Germany’s tallest peak. They all go sledding and Zack forces an analogy “Love is like sledding down this hill” I really wanted him to add “It’s cold and wet”.
Michael claims that he is willing to murder Ben on his 2-1 date and clearly others are fine with it because a tweet comes across the screen agreeing with the sentiment (while some of these tweets are funny overall as a thing they are bloody annoying).
The group date continues and they go to a giant igloo/Ice Hotel. The first take aside moment of course ends with Des taking charge and demanding a kiss, a kiss that if the guy initiates it looks a bit molesty…just saying. Zack looks a little creepy hanging out in the background, then attempts a sing songy yodel interrupting Mikey T’s set up for the kiss moment.
The 2-1 begins with an awkward limo ride and it gets more awkward with Michael making a forced legal analogy of Ben being found guilty of fraudulent impersonation of a Southern gentleman or some such similar nonsense. I cannot know for sure because I started groaning and holding my head in my hands because his ridiculous statement came not 10 seconds after I said “please please do not embarrass attorneys”
Michael plays the, you are not a good father card with Ben, it might be a low blow but mainly incredibly awkward. Michael goes into prosecutor mode and starts asking Ben questions that he does not seem to be able to answer. But he is definitely pushing too hard and it may be backfiring, Des is clearly uncomfortable and Michael keeps pushing. Ben walks away from the table rather than answering the questions he has been asked – really the questions do seem fair, the rat-a-tat nature of them and the clever editing make it seem like he was put upon. Des gets up from the table to go look for Ben. Now that Ben has had time to ‘formulate’ answers he has them all ready for Des.
But despite all his answers Ben does not get the rose and a bit more of the real Ben comes out. One of his questions on the limo ride of shame is “How long before I can be seen in public with someone?” He also expresses regret that Michael made it further than he did. It all sounds like he was more concerned with winning than finding love…excuse me while I recover from writing that trite phrase.
They do the Chris and Bachelorette recap interview, he has clearly been listening to my roomie because he brings up with Des that she has kissed a lot of guys. Des then says she is a 100% sure that she does not want to have a cocktail party. Now this is shortly after expressing her fear that a guy might be here for the wrong reason…way to not give yourself more time to find out…
The cancellation of the cocktail party means that the guys who had plans to tell Des bad things about James no longer have that opportunity. There are many instances of persons saying…”for the right reasons” The rose ceremony begins with all the suitable fake dramatic music and stare downs. Hmm shocking, shocking the roses come down to the 2 guys that the others think might be there for the wrong reasons…yup couldn’t resist. Basically it is a final 2 of guys that kind of look like each other - James and Mikey T. and James gets the rose! Am I wrong for thinking she just figured she would keep the better looking of the 2 copies? Oh come on it has been at least a paragraph since I asked a question!
Now that Ben is gone much of the house’s hate turns towards James.
On the “next week” previews it looks like the Bachelorette world tour continues.