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Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Juan Pablo's Bachelor first episode

Off the bat Juan Pablo reminds us that he is the first Latino Bachelor. I had already noted to E that the Bachelor franchise loves having Juan P since they can immediately go “Us racists? No way we have a minority” even if that minority looks very close to white and thus palatable to America…

Sean shows up to give Juan P advice, Juan P notes that Sean and his girl are still together and that Des and her guy are still together this is probably only 2 months after Des and her guy got together…they better be still together. Sean and Juan P have no chemistry together.

E exclaims YES…why? Because they showed the scene she predicted ages ago – Juan P soaping up in the shower.

We get some background on the girls, and we get a really fake courtroom scene, in fact the plaintiff and his attorney keep switching sides and there is no bailiff or court reporter etc…but wow the assistant DA looks great – she can get it? ;)

What is with all these old looking 25 year olds? The girls older than the 25 year olds looks years younger than them.

E already hates the girl that has the DVD that her dead father left for her and her husband to watch – she is prejudging that the girl will show it to all of us on national telly; I worry that she is right

Limo time:

E is slowly switching sides and falling for the girls; after seeing one “she is cuteeeeeeyyyy”.

'Police support specialist'? What on earth is that, I have to look that up. The nurse breaks out a stethoscope for Juan P to see how much her heart is racing we get to hear fake heart beats and Juan P gets to touch boob (in the name of science).

THE BLACK GIRL IS FROM SAN DIEGO??? There are no black people here!

One of the girls job description is ‘Free Spirit’ I want her to fall in a river.

The girl from ATX comes up on a Piano bicycle never seen one of those before she plays it as she pedals - interesting, she also messes up but as a piano player myself, I understand – nervousness will wreck your playing.

The massage therapist comes out and she has  CRAZY eyes.

Another girls title is ‘Dog lover’ if I saw that I would boot her immediately.

The limo guy gives Juan P a look before he opens the door for a girl and I tell E she is going to be crazy or gorgeous…it is the gorgeous ADA this girl is ravishing.

Juan P breaks out a speaker for music and there is a photo booth, nice way to see who isn’t fun and photogenic.

The Free Spirit is exactly what you would expect a free spirit to be…crazy.

The massage therapist breaks out a massage table and starts a creepy massage and conversation.

The first impression rose is now on the table and all the girls start freaking out.

Juan P keeps forgetting the names of all the girls.

One of the girls keeps talking about how positive she is and how much she wants time with Juan P instead of actually going to go talk to Juan P. She starts first night crying, and actually pulls a girl aside to talk to her instead of Juan P! Juan P mysteriously shows up to talk to her, which makes me think that the producers sent him in. She brings up to him that she was just engaged just a few months ago…for me that is a lot of red flags. She keeps pushing that she wanted to be a step mom. Awwwwkward

E dislikes the opera singer just because she has personal memories, I love watching this with her. The opera singer gets the first impression rose. But while Juan P leaves to get the rose she looks very nervous almost as if she thinks she could be cut or that she should cut out. When the rose is offered to her she hesitates and appears as if she was thinking of rejecting it.

It has been a bit of a boring first episode.

And, we have an awkward moment, the wrong girl walks forward (and they stop they music as E points out) the poor girl even asks him if he can take her too.

The free spirit gets a rose and it feels like a producer’s choice! She does a twirl after receiving her rose.

Its final rose time and the girl that initially walked forward on the wrong turn whispers “I am gonna throw up” and she does not get the rose…stares daggers

The exit interviews were just so so, suitable amount of crying, just not enough time for them to get emotionally invested to give the really crazy goodbyes.


Sean and Juan P have a funny exchange to end the show where Juan P teaches Sean how to salsa and they both end up shirtless

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.