(My usual source of Gifs seems to be dead...RIP)
Damn it they go to another Caribbean island that is NOT Jamaica.
This week they go to St. Lucia, and JP struggles to pronounce its name.
JP says the overnight is special because he gets to talk to the
girls with no cameras…yup talk.
Clare is first, and she weirdly runs up. The
Lucian weather is not kind to Clare’s makeup. Clare pretends that she would
have to consider an invite to the fantasy suite. As always we get the jump from
the yacht into the water move. JP says the fantasy suite is a time for “us to
get to know each other a lot better” with a creepy smile to the camera.
Hmm maybe Clare really is serious about the hesitancy (or she
could be doing to JP what a girl did to me…I once said I would deny anything
between us and she forever held it against me; JP burned Clare with the Vietnam
ocean thing and she wants him to feel it.) Nope she is going to the fantasy
suite. If you are a girl on this show, you want to go first right? Granted
last, might have the lasting memory, but first means no sloppy seconds or
thirds…
JP said no cameras in fantasy suite, but we follow them right in.
Clare says “I am loving falling in love with you” does that count? I am
stealing that move. Overall this is a very boring date. Of course they end up
in the water with Clare straddling him, but remember if this was in the ocean
it would be bad for his daughter to see.
Andi next:
Weird while watching this the crawl is about the SD PD chief
resigning because of sexual abuse cases by officers against women the timing
may not be the best KGTV promo department.
As the son of a man who played Steel Drums when he was younger,
and who himself can play a bit of the steel drum it annoyed me greatly to see
Andi and JP interrupt a band to have them teach them it felt very “let’s
interact with the natives” ish, also the move of asking the little kids on the
beach if they were hungry…eh not good. They then played football with the
natives even though JP insisted on calling it soccer. JP again pretends that he
has a surprise for Andi and not “the producers have told me this is what we are
doing”.
JP wants to know if Andi is falling in love despite saying she
shouldn’t force it…which is it fellah? JP brings up some of the questions I had
for Andi (see last week’s blog) and even mentions the bar, Andi does not answer
and instead brings up other questions…smooth. Andi pretends that she is
considering the fantasy suite request and puts it back on JP when we all know
her answer is a resounding yes!
Argh E spoiled this (as much as you can spoil this show) by
texting me how much the girls say “I want this to be forever” and now I cannot
stop noticing it. What is with the overly dramatic fantasy suite music?
JP the morning after claims that he and Andi laughed and talked
for hours…really, I am supposed to believe those 2 talked for hours of
consequence? Whoa, Andi’s post fantasy suite confessional makes me think that
maybe their ‘talk’ was not the same as JP’s .
Andi claims there was initially an
immediate connection when she and JP first met; I think that is called lust.
She says that JP loves himself
more than he would care about her. We get a lot of dramatic shots of Andi
trying to look reflective. JP told her about his overnight with Clare,
hahahahah, this guy has been too good looking for too long; he never had to
worry about hurting girls.
Nikki is up next and is wearing an outfit that is
Pocahontas crossed with a hippie.
JP claims that he has no complaints from his nights with the first 2 girls…you are going to wish you saw Andi's confessional first son. They go horseback riding and I worry for the top she is wearing, those ‘ladies’ look like they are trying to escape (this is family programming – allegedly). Nikki says the word ‘like’ like a whole lot, like a lot of times like, like is the only word she knows. They enter the ocean, but after Clare and Vietnam I just cannot care anymore: if anything good happens in it he will slut-shame the girl and I cannot stomach that and if nothing good happens…what is the point?
JP claims that he has no complaints from his nights with the first 2 girls…you are going to wish you saw Andi's confessional first son. They go horseback riding and I worry for the top she is wearing, those ‘ladies’ look like they are trying to escape (this is family programming – allegedly). Nikki says the word ‘like’ like a whole lot, like a lot of times like, like is the only word she knows. They enter the ocean, but after Clare and Vietnam I just cannot care anymore: if anything good happens in it he will slut-shame the girl and I cannot stomach that and if nothing good happens…what is the point?
Nikki does not even pretend
and immediately says yes to the fantasy suite and again JP makes it creepy in
his confessional. Nikki drops in her I love you in a complicated fashion but it
leads to awkward kissing so mission accomplished I guess.
Chris Harrison has to earn his trip to St Lucia by interviewing JP
and pretending to care about JP’s feelings. JP tells Chris that he is feeling
good, Chris asks what that means and JP repeats that things are good, he is
good, things feel good then blames his English.
The girls leave video testimonials for JP, Clare and Nikki leave
the usual simple we are meant to be messages but Andi tells him that she has to
see him in person. Thanks to DVR I do not have to watch Andi walk slowly up the
mountain path. Sounds like Andi has discovered what I blogged about in week 2,
anytime a serious conversation comes up, JP just tries to kiss it away,
literally. 
Andi is telling JP that she is not in love with him and will never
be and he takes it in stride, but that doesn’t sit well with Andi, she clearly
wants him to show more emotion. She gets mad at him, I understand where she is
coming from but at the same time it is not practical.
When you are one of
three, you are not as special as you think you should be. I think I am blogging
too fast for this show Andi literally answers JP’s question of “what do you
want me to do?” with “Feel something” I am looking into your soul Andi, I know
you before you know you.
What Andi wants from JP
cannot really happen, she wants him to break down but in the back of his head
he is always thinking – “I have 2 other girls waiting for me” Plus (and maybe I
am too practical here) if you have 2 other girls waiting, one whom you may
propose to and she will eventually watch this show you cannot be seen begging a
third girl to stay.
I really think they had sex!
The other 2 girls arrive for the rose ceremony and they do not
know yet that Andi is gone. Both resume their death-stare competition. When
Chris Harrison tells them that Andi is no longer in the competition, they
switch to confused-face. Nikki still looks angry when Clare accepts her rose,
as if she thought halfway through the ceremony JP would just reject Clare.
Very brief but poignant thoughts from E:
So I have a lot of things to say but will leave it at this. Andi
went on and on about how JP only thought of himself and was all about him etc.
It cracked me up at the end in the rose ceremony when JP says "but there's
nothing I can do about it. I cannot force somebody to like me or spend the rest
of my life with me."
Spend the rest of MY life with me.
Not their life. So perfect
Spend the rest of MY life with me.
Not their life. So perfect
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