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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Bachelorette cuts out chocolate

About to launch the Bachelorette 4 hours after it started airing aka 2 hours to ‘Mistresses’. E live texted me as it was going on, which makes me think she watched it live...I had to ignore all of her texts will read at the end of this and incorporate as they fit.

Btw E, this news is for you

Tonight the show goes to Marseille, France. The first one on one goes to Josh but the card is all in French, no one appears to be able to translate it. Chris Harrison meets Andi at a little cafe and asks her if she is falling in love and her first word is “Staahhhhppppp” how is this woman part of my profession? (I think back to her puppy photo shoot last year and I still cannot believe it).
Picture 10

Mini worried about my ex, she apparently tried to lose weight by slicing off a fingertip ;) Hope you feel better soon chica. The show cuts to another Suave commercial featuring past Bachelorettes and Andi and I cannot sit through these ads work? Andi and Josh are on a boat (sing it like T-Pain and Lonely Island) they immediately kiss. Andi calls Josh her typical type of guy and reminds us that it has not worked out well for her in the past.

Group date card arrives and all the info card has is a heart, nothing more…
Picture 18

Back to the date, they are on a cliff overlooking the Mediterranean sea.
Picture 22 Andi and Josh talk about his time as a baseball player, he brings up that he was a high round pick...I like his method of telling her the highlights and lessening the low lights.

Some of the guys are gossipping in the hotel room and JJ tells Marquel that Andrew at the first rose ceremony said “Whoa she gave roses to the 2 blackies”. If true, risky move, and I say this as the guy that gleefully has called the black guys 1.0 and .5. There is a sensitivity that one must show when talking about races and certain words carry massive stigmas, if he says “Whoa the 2 black guys” that makes sense because it is surprising in the Bachelorette world but if he said “Blackies” it comes with so much more sting and so much more demeaning power.

Marquel appears to become emotional about the comment, he brings up the fear/sentiment that so many of us have, that people viewing him will always see him first as “Hey that is a black guy” and not “hey there is that guy”

Andi and Josh go to Palais Longchamp and when Andi tells him it is a Palace he expresses shock...was he not able to figure it out as they pulled up? Is he as dumb as a bag of balls? Josh asks Andi if she was ever cheated he following the script from the last guy? I cannot remember ever asking a girl that question yet on back to back shows that is the first date question? Josh attempts to explain why he has been single for 5 years. Josh was basically admitting that he does not really care much for the girls he has dated and then turns it around with an “until I came here and till I met you” and Andi melts...maybe this is why she gets cheated on, she is too easily smitten.

Ben Fields is playing for the couple (don’t worry, I do not know who he is either and I bet E does not also) Picture 27
Josh pretends in his confessional that he knew who it was, but he sounded hesitant so I call shenaningans. I know this is not the be all end all of research but this guy even post playing the Bachelorette had only 1,094 followers when I checked his I guess I am safe in saying not many people know him.

Group date time - 9 guys.

Marquel says the group date will be a challenge since he is on it with Andrew. The guys are training with a mime, and of course it leads to a public performance. 
Bachelorette mimes 1
My friend from Jamaica is whipping me in scrabble after I have won 3 straight...I knew this show robbed me of intelligence. The crowd is not very impressed by the mimes, ah well, it is miming.Bachelorette mimes 2
Some of the guys really attempt to throw themselves into it, Nick V however sulks his way through.
Bachelorette recap
During the evening portion some tension arises with the guys questioning Nick V as to whether he thinks he is the front runner. Andi asks Chris about what is going on and Chris throws Nick under the bus, Cody the personal trainer follows suit. Nick V in his one on one time pretends that he had fun during the miming portion. Andi says “there is a mental emotional connection that is off the charts” (sigh, ‘mental emotional’) followed up by her saying “I am not an idiot”.

Bloody Nick V reads Andi a terrible poem which she seems to love...what is it about bad poetry and these Bachelorette’s 'loving' it? Picture 78
Andi in her confessional “Am I oblivious to who Nick really is?” Hey you just said “I am not an idiot”...

Marquel tells Dylan that he is thinking of confronting Andrew about the ‘Blackie’ comment Dylan eggs him on to confront him (I hope this is not Dylan trying to stir trouble up). We cut to Andi making out with one of the other guys...back to the guys and Marquel is confronting Andrew. Andrew immediately denies it, I really want to believe him, not because I like him (I have no feelings either way beyond the fact that I do think the producers are editing it to make him look like a villain) but because I want to believe that he is not crazy enough or has that much spite in his heart to say that word. Hmm maybe Dylan was being legit, in his confessional he seems to be genuinely on the side of Marquel - I might be too cynical.

JJ gets the group rose, I think it is just because he reminded Andi of their ‘old people’ date or I zoned out when he was impressing her.

One on One date with Brian.

They go to a studio and watch a private screening of the ‘The Hundred-foot Journey’  which is a movie about 2 lovers who cook and then at the end of the screening they decide to reenact the movie “completely spur of the moment” they stop to get sea urchins because it was in the movie...they clearly did not know what to expect and they clearly do not like it. They are in the kitchen and Brian is out of his element, and in 'shut-down' mode. Andi keeps lamenting that “the movie made cooking so romantic, it’s not romantic”. Andi makes more and more cheesy metaphors “everything is cooking, the kitchen is hot, but things are really not heating up with Brian right now”. “The way we are cooking seems like the Hundred-mile Journey”. Turns out that their food is terrible, so they go out for dinner, as an amateur chef I am amused by this whole thing (in fact I got to this show late because I was making homemade chicken stock, and prepping 40lbs of chicken for a big meal on Wednesday and these two are struggling with a basic french meal? c’est horrible)

Despite all of her misgivings with him, Brian gets the rose from Andi. This date was terrible and the cynic in me thinks that the movie producers made sure to tell the producers of the show that no matter what, the guy had to get a rose because; why would you want your love story movie associated with a mini-breakup?

Rose Ceremony time -

Andi requests a meeting with Chris Harrison, and tells him that there “does not need to be a cocktail party tonight.” Chris Harrison says “sounds like you want to make a big cut tonight?” Hmm how would Chris know this just based on what she has said so far? Andi says yes and states her desire to cut 3 guys...I call shenanigans on this fake meeting; it was pre-planned. Guess the producers were reviewing the budget and did not want to pay to fly around an extra guy to the next location.

So I have never seen frozen but everyone online is saying that Andi wore her hair like a character in the movie. 
Andi holds up each rose like it is a chalice and scans the line of guys each time she is presenting it, it seems weird. I have a pretty good idea before she does this who is getting cut, partly because the promos for upcoming shows have shown one of the guys arguing and he was in the bottom 4 so he had to get the rose. 1.0 gets cut, so the streak continues - black guys never go far on this show. Look I know you cannot tell anyone who they should fall in love with, but the history of this show is so suspect…

1.0 aka Marquel, gets emotional in his confessional.
The show is off to Venice next week...the bloopers have Andi and Josh on the cliff - he mentions that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck, his wish comes true and I can now read E’s texts.
She points out that one of the guys sniffed the date card, she points out the blackies and my use of decimals 1.5 etc and like I noted above, she has no idea who the musician is either. And she loathes the poet like I do.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.