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Sunday, August 30, 2015

Bachelor in Paradise...oh girl, he played you!

We come back to Clare crying and pulling OMCH (Chris Harrison) away from the rose ceremony. Clare is gone so long that the Bach/ettes are sitting down rather than standing up waiting. Clare finally comes back and gives her rose to JJ.

Juelia gives the last rose to Joe...cause of course she does. Michael gets the boot (I should not cheer against a fellow lawyer) big Mikey gets the boot and I suspect he is going to rage kill his hotel pillow. Juelia tells us that the guys that warned her about Joe were just basically lying...Joe (dick that he is) told us last week that she is not very smart - we get to see why he holds that opinion.

Samantha the girl that Joe really wants to meet is next on the Paradise track...and she of course arrives with a date card - but we also learn that she and Juelia are apparently friends. Sam picks Joe for her date and that causes consternation for everyone but Joe who lights up. Joe must be a lot better looking in person than he is on TV, because I just don't get it. Joe lies to the guys as to whether he spoke to Juelia prior to the show. Juelia is still having a hard time realizing she got played. SHe talks about Joe's not showing her attention...

Sam and Joe's date is a photo shoot for People magazine - Sam reveals that Joe got 'excited'. They come back from their date all smiles and lovey dovey and Juelia is getting angrier and sadder as she hears it all. A few of the guys tell Joe to talk to Juelia and he finally caves and does it - it does not go well.

There is a parody scene of Clare talking to a raccoon via cell phone.

Carly lets us know that she and Kirk have not been having sex, so of course she gets the next date card. Kirk lets us know that he wanted to take his time, but that he has failed at his plan. We get a lot of featuring of Jorge the bartender, probably the most important person on this type of show.

Ashley S tells us that marriage is on the table for her and Dan - she might want to check with him on that first.
Megan shows up well she doesn't really because she claims that she is lost in Mexico - "old Mexico" like the show would leave the white girl alone in Mexico...

Carly lets us know that her brother is getting married on the same day that she is doing her date...Did Carly really pick this show over attending her Bro's wedding? Wow. Carly is 'pressuring' Kirk to say he is in a relationship with her, Kirk is trying everything to let her know he wants to date other people.

Ashley S and Dan are having a similar conversation. Ashley tells us she can do without him by using the "Bye Felicia" that is so over used now.

Carly calls her brother and apparently letting him into her life like that sways Kirk to stay with her. Carly and Dan let us know they are getting it in tonight...

Megan shows up finally and cannot pronounce the word sombrero. Megan apparently is seeing her first crab ever (snicker) then watches that crab get eaten by a bigger crab - ah nature. She asks JJ to go on her date, Dan looks saddened.

Onlookers are suspicious about Joe and Samantha...took them long enough. While we see Juelia talking to her daughter and crying we see Joe and Samantha fooling around in the pool/hot tub, Joe looks like he might have done a 'release'. They are going to have to bleach down that whole property when this season ends. Turns out that Joe and Samantha did communicate repeatedly prior to coming on the show.

Dan decides to confront Joe about his actions and bring him to talk to Juelia (Joe in confessional calls him old...the stupidity of a guy who looks 40 years older than someone calling them old) Joe tries to bully Dan...Juelia gets her talk with Joe and Joe gives Zero Effs. Juelia quickly realizes  that she cannot get a word in edgewise with Joe and it starts to dawn on her that Joe has completely played her.

Juelia hits Joe with the only thing that can cause Joe to panic, telling him that she might tell Sam that Joe played her and this causes Joe to stutter. Sam and Juelia go off to talk, and Joe in the confessional pretends to not remember Juelia's name.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.