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Sunday, August 02, 2015

Bachelorette finale, after the final rose and I quit checking my posts for grammar because this show has killed my will

Met some friends, had a good time out dancing, watched a crazy girl hit the dance floor in a wrap shirt and a bright purple sports bra, watched the shirt come undone and watched the girl dance only in the sports bra for a few moments...why yes this is a Monday night in San on to watch the finale of this ratchet mess I have been following all season.

We start with a studio audience and I issue a mild sigh of relief, this means there will be some filler that I can zip through - every minute saved is precious the fact that DVRs exist is just further proof there is a God (how can anyone question this?).

Kaitlyn's (K) family asks her if she is in love and she says she is in love with both guys. Her family expresses shock that Nick is still there. K's family immediately guessed that things "went too far" with close is this family? K's mom Leslie has some thoughts on the Nick situation.

Nick gets to meet the family first: like on Andy's season, he brings gifts.
The family asks him why he is doing this show again, he repeats the line he has rehearsed many a time - that he could not bear K getting married without his getting a chance to meet her. Nick decided to rock the deep V shirt for this meeting, even as an owner of a couple deep Vs I find it inapprops for meeting the fam (every word in that sentence picked on purpose).

K's mom grills Nick, Leslie seems like the type of mom I could kick it with...damn I am now old enough that I think about kicking it with moms. Leslie hearkens back to Andy's season and says that she finds him possessive, Nick says some cocky stuff then seems to squeeze out some fake tears. Nick then seeks the blessing of K's dad Mike, who looks like he may have hit the pipe before this taping...I have never smoked but I could see why someone might want to mellow out before meeting 2 dudes that more likely than not slept with your daughter on a national television show.

I like K's sister Haley, she just seems so happy to be there and why not? I would love someone fly me out to a chill spot to have me meet randoms who want to bang my bro...his girl might hate that though.

Sean gets to meet the family: While K is out meeting him, Leslie says that she is worried that he might be a jealous person...has she seen the dailies? Sean also brings gifts. Sean is shockingly smooth around the family, methinks the man rehearsed and rehearsed and rehearsed. Leslie asks Sean about his thoughts on Nick and the fact that Nick and K got together. Sean handles the Nick question so well that someone somewhere must have told him 'the rage monster act does not make you look good'. He gives the sensible answer - that they were not exclusive then, but off the show they should be. BUT can we talk about the mild weirdness of someone's mom bringing up to her potential son in law the fact that his potential fiance tapped someone else? Haley says she is Team Sean, K snitches on her and brings up the fact that all year Haley was Team Nick. I can't resist thinking that K tapped Nick just to shut her sister up...siblings can be cold like that.

Sean brings Leslie over while he is talking to chill Mike so that he can ask for both of their blessings. I like this non patriarchal move, it is sexist to only ask the father for his blessing - Sean gets it from both.

The Bachelorette's budget is not even close to the Bachelor's: Nick and K are hanging out at Marina del know who else used to hang out all the time at Marina del broke ass when I lived in LA - Where is the exotic locale trip?

The day/date is rather bland, Nick tells K that he has a gift for her in his bedroom...its just a framed poem and picture because of course that had to be kept in his bedroom and no where else. The picture is from their first one on one date together, which means he had to have gotten it from the show's producers.

Sean's turn and they go to Saddle Rock in Malibu you know who else used to go to okay you get it I LIVED IN LA. Sean and K spend a lot of time talking about how nervous they both are. Sean also has a memento from their time on the show for K. This is so clearly scripted by this point. K expresses fear that she is going to break someone's heart since both guys are in love with her, before I can reach for my remote we see the shocked faces in the audience then zip racing past it all to seeing Neil Lane and his forehead that does not move bringing Sean ring choices.

Nick worries that the knock on his door will be K sending him home and not Neil Lane with rings...he hugs Neil and Neil points out that Nick is still wearing the cheesy ring that he and K picked out on one of their dates.

K shows up and we await the sacrificial lamb - K is struggling to keep it together. Nick arrives first and he looks nervous, I wonder if its because he is playing out the time in his head and can begin to realize that he might be taping too early to be the one! Nick starts to ramble on and recapping the show and telling K how in love he is with her and telling her that he is not ready to let her go or to let them go and he starts to reach for the ring and K stops him (He knew it, he knew it, he could tell based on the timing, I am sure of it...all the words were a desperate attempt to sway her). Again K has to bring up off camera time, it is said so often on this show (they really try so hard not to say sex on this show) that it is not natural. Nick's true nature starts to come out, less of the polished guy and more of the guy who is rough with women once he is not the object of their desire.

K walks Nick out and he can barely look at her (that part I understand, I can barely face the people who break up with me in private, no way could I do it on a nationally televised show). Nick plays with the ring and I wonder if he gets to keep it - I doubt that very much, he puts it back in its box and throws it across the limo (notice he did that carefully) then takes off the promise ring and chucks that too, much less carefully.

Sean is not a good enough actor to act like he does not already realize the situation he looks more confident now than he has on any other time on the show. Sean says he would not change anything that happened on the show - really not even the part of her tapping your enemy? K of course has to stretch it out a bit and pretend that she is not picking Sean.
Sean gives a better proposal than I would expect and gets a quick yes from K.

The after the final rose special is on next but I have to break this up...will watch after a break.

Break over -
After the final rose:
The happy couple joins Obvious Man Chris Harrison on stage; doing the let's hug and giggle a lot new couple thing. OMCH tells us that he thinks it is important that Nick gets some closure so here he comes to the stage, nothing like real life here. Nick comes out to applause, but it is not roaring, I wonder if the audience is unsure whether to hate him or feel sympathy. Nick gives us background about his interaction with K and while I think he thinks he is coming off as a sympathetic figure, to me he just seems like he was scheming from the get go. Nick's family continues to look hyper-concerned.

Nick and Sean have to share an uncomfortably close interaction with each other, Nick even taps Sean on the knee, they are similarly dressed and are sporting similar a current 'person of the beard' I am now just this minute considering shaving! These guys are even sitting in a mirror image style of each other. Nick and Sean both claim that the show played up their tension more than was actually occurring...shocking.

Nick and K meet and immediately an amber alert blazes across my screen...I think my cable is trying to save me from myself. My CC says that Nick said  "We said I love you to each other toward the end and obviously I took that to heart - what were you thinking when you said that?" that caused K to roll her eyes to such a degree that E texted me about it even while I was out.

Every time they go to a commercial break Nick does an awkward stand up and look around routine, it is not a big thing, but it bugs me.

Sean says the best part of the show being over is that he can now stand up for his girl.


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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.