Corona lockdown leads to Glazed chicken tenders, deep fried asparagus and candied peppers

So I have been sharing food photos with my friends because I said to them, I will eat only restaurant quality

meals during the corona/covid-19 shutdowns. A few have asked me for recipes/how to and others have told me what part of my anatomy I should stick hot implements because they are in a different state and cannot swing by to pick up food...see pic for how we do our food pickups with social distancing.

This is my normal casual when I feel like blog so do not expect consistency and do not expect cooking school like directions, I will just try to keep you mildly entertained and hopefully keep you from burning down your home. I am not going to pretend like you have as much stuff in your kitchen as I do, I do not expect the average person to have 3 different food thermometers, 5 spatulas, 4 sets of tongs, 5 cast iron pots, 2 wire racks, 2 waffle irons etc. etc. etc. and I SHOULD NOT HAVE ALL THIS EITHER, though I am not giving up my milk frother I do not care that I do not drink coffee, it is still bloody cool to use.

For this dish break out your cast iron, a bottle of oil, regular flour, tapioca flour or cornstarch (if you don’t have them don’t worry, but they definitely help to crisp it up), some bread crumbs, find that bottle of beer that you know you are never going to drink because Jason brought it over and he knows you hate that brand and he drank all your good stuff and left his crappy beer, an egg, some baking soda (most would use powder but I am sure you have some baking soda somewhere) salt, pepper (use the packets you grabbed from Burger King) some paprika and onion powder or if you have all purpose seasoning or poultry seasoning just use that in place of everything from the part that said salt.

Hopefully you have some sweet peppers, if you do for these guys you will need some white vinegar, a splash of balsamic (you can ignore this I am just sometimes bourgeois) sugar, and some granulated garlic or fresh chopped or more realistically some garlic powder. 

I know you probably bought some asparagus at the start of the panic saying "I am going to eat healthy" well do not worry about the fact that sucker is getting dried out, we are going to flash fry it so you will not even notice that you probably should have thrown it out a week ago. And for this recipe I am hoping you went to a Korean grocery store and at some point bought a box of ssamjang, if you didn't this still works we can swap hot sauce and chili powder etc. (NO PURISTS I AM NOT SAYING THEY ARE THE SAME, I am saying it is a shut down so if you do not have this very specific item swap with what you have).

Let's do the easiest thing first: Candied sweet peppers:

I really do not measure some of these thing so I am giving your guestimates but the joy of this type of cooking is that mixture-mistakes lead to happy accidents

1.     Cut up about 5 mini sweet peppers (enough to cover a frying pan)

2.     Put about 2 tablespoons sugar in a frying pan, pour in about a ¼ cup white vinegar and a splash of balsamic, then sprinkle in some garlic,

3.     put the heat on medium and shake pan to dissolve sugar,

4.     as soon as the sugar dissolves lower the heat and drop in all the peppers shake or stir, let that simmer for about 15 minutes stirring very occasionally – I just let it go as I fry the chicken. Cook till most of the liquid disappears

I would assume if you bought asparagus you know how to prep it for cooking but just in case, wash thoroughly, discard any droopy/soft stems and trim the bottom ends, let drain.

I used about 3lbs of chicken breast cut into strips, you can buy tenders if you want, but really a sharp knife and a cutting board and you get tenders in 2 minutes from three breasts but hey do you money bags if you go the tenders route. 

Sprinkle some seasoning on chicken, (you know salt etc.) you do not need too much because the ssamjang is very salty. In a mixing bowl add enough ssamjang so that every piece of chicken is showing a bit of red (if hot sauce use less). Add about a ¼ cup of milk to 'stretch' the sauce to all the pieces and let the chicken sit in it for at least an hour – I know you guys are slow at cooking so cut the breasts first then marinate them as you prep the other stuff, by the time the other stuff is done you will have time for this. If you marinate for only 15 minutes it will still work.

Batter/cooking:

This part is easy even though batters scare people,

All measurements are to eyeball, get a large bowl

1.     Take about 1 cup flour, half cup tapioca/cornstarch (if you do not have these then it is 1.5 cups flour I am sure you can figure out the math, the starch just makes the chicken crispier).

2.     Sprinkle in some seasoning

3.     Half cup beer just pour it in

4.     ¼ cup milk (you are actually going to get this from the marinating chicken it will add the flavor to the batter and you are deep frying this so don't panic with the "but it is from raw chicken" if you are going to deep fry the raw chicken then guess what, the batter will be cooked to oblivion too)

5.     1 egg (beat in in the same container "aint nobody got time for" a lot of dishes)

6.     On a cutting board or sizeable plate sprinkle about 2 cups of bread crumbs – honestly I do not know I always have to add more so I am just telling you a lot from now.

7.     Mix steps 1-5 up to the point of a runny paste, if too liquidy add more starch, if too thick add some more beer (so maybe don't drink the left over beer till you finish making the batter)

8.     Drop chicken in batter, if you had a large enough bowl you can put all the pieces in there at once (Hint – make sure you have a large enough bowl) stir to coat every piece

9.     Take pieces of battered chicken and dredge in the bread crumbs

10.  Let dredged pieces sit for a few minutes to let the breading adhere

11.  While the chicken sits roll the asparagus spheres in the batter and roll them in the remaining bread crumbs, these do not have to be coated like the chicken you are just making them a bit crunchy.

12.  Deep Fry the chicken in batches (I feel like every recipe says this so I just wanted to say it too) with your oil on medium (375 degrees) look just make it so that when you drop the pieces in they start to crisp slowly rather than immediately turning black or staying pale white. Easy tips, have about a half inch of oil in the pan, layer your pieces in circles starting from the edge of the pan so that you will then easily remember which pieces went in first thus which you should turn first and take out first. 

13.  Fry to a golden brown about 2 minutes per side, rookies will tell you to drain on paper towels, pros will tell you drain on a wire rack…become a pro -  get a wire rack it is great for everything from cookies to fried food to breads.

14.  Fry the asparagus and drain that too.

15.  Okay I normally make my own bbq sauce and another time I will share that but for now for this one you can just mix a ¼ cup ssamjang with 2 cups of bbq sauce and warm in a sauce pan, if using hot sauce go 2.25 cups bbq with 2 tablespoons hot sauce.

16.  Swirl the fried chicken pieces quickly in the warmed sauce, do not let them sit in it, you are just coating them, sprinkle the sauced up chicken with the crystalized/candied peppers, they add a nice colour pop and tang to the crispy chicken and asparagus. 

17.  And voila you now have a fun non-bland meal that really only took you about 15-20 minutes of actual work to make

Bachelor finale - Day 2 or DO NOT BRING HER HOME!

Day 2 with the ladies who couch:

 

"Is he ready to propose?" Both ladies in synch yell "NO!"

 

Back to Alice Springs, Australia:

 

Neil Lane comes by to drop off an ugly ring aka A Neil Lane Ring!

Peter apparently thinks none of us have seen this season as he now pretends that he was always in love with Hannah Ann.

Peter calls Mr. Sluss to ask for his blessing to propose to Hannah Ann (HA), upon getting the blessing Peter does an awkward fist pump.

 

Peter is waiting at the proposal staging area and OMCH comes by to tell him that he does not thik HA is coming by. We get shots of Peter freaking out and lying on a jeans jacket on a bed even though there are pillows. OMCH comes back to tell Peter that it looks like HA is actually coming by.

 

On the way walking over we get voice over from HA telling us that she is pretty much done with Peter.

 

Peter takes HA into his arms and starts in a way that would make someone think he is breaking up with them, he actually brings up Madison's name to HA "she actually left 2 days ago" IN HIS PROPOSAL TO HA…this dude name drops the woman who left him as he proposes to the woman infront of him. HA accepts the ring in an over the top reaction that seems completely staged.

 

Peter goes back to LA to meet with his parents and to tell them that it is with HA, but he strings it out and his family is panicking because Peter takes forever to tell them that it is HA.

Turns out the dad is also a crier.

 

Peter comes out to the live audience:

And we cut to a clip of Peter and HA meeting up in LA for a heart to heart; HA straddles Peter as Peter starts to cry and tells her "I am honestly struggling" "it just kills me to put you through this." HA having a mature moment tells Peter a relationship should be 50/50 Peter is breaking down further…Ali now thinks Peter was cheating on HA for the month they were apart.

The show goes PIP with live video of Barb and Peter Sr, Peter Sr looks ashamed and Barb looks pissed…at Peter.

Back to the show and though HA asked him for space Peter follows her into the bathroom and his approach caused all three of us to cackle because we got to see Peter's outfit, his outfit looks like it was purchased for three different persons and one of them was a teenage girl.

 

HA calls Peter out for now claining to be torn when he knew in advance that he was still in love with someone else "you have done enough damage" HA hits Peter with the line of the season and even Barb applauds HA's decision to leave.

As HA gets in the car to leave Peter tries to lean in and HA gives him the full on "talk to the hand" pose, the ladies scream in delight.

 

HA is invited out to talk to Peter and OMCH:

HA immediately calls out Peter for just saying things to keep her on the hook. HA brings up that Peter wanted to reach out to Madison as well as Hannah Brown for closure and she is annoyed that his engagement to her involved "three women" "So word of advice you want to get engaged to a woman you need to become a real man first."

 

OMCH travels to Auburn, Alabama: (allegedly Peter does not know OMCH is doing this) OMCH tells Madison that Peter got engaged then ended it (fudging of the truth here, but I guess dramatic license is needed to push the story along). The steady cam on Barb for the PIP gives us so many great reaction shots as Barb is struggling to maintain. OMCH says "go pack a bag" and Madison flies to LA. Madison walks into Peter's backyard as Peter looks off into the distance at his pool as Madison walks in, Peter appears rooted to the spot.

Madison and Peter break the "like" counter by using like as a verbal crutch; both of them lament the choices they made.

 

Madison is brought on the stage:

As Madison enters the stage area Barb says something cutting to her husband but we cannot figure it out.

As Madison sasy she is still in love with Peter the cameras cut to Barb and she mouths "I can't" to her husband or maybe I am just being swayed by Ali and E both saying "I can't" or maybe I just want it to be true!

Barb calls out Madison for making the family wait while they were expecting to meet with her. Madison says a lot of words none of them are an apology to Barb and the family.

Peter tells his family that he knows what he feels for Madison and he knows what she feels for him…Peter remains a moron.

 

Barb points out that only one person in the Madison and Peter relationship is willing to compromise.

 

OMCH asks Barb how do we move on from here - "Chris he is going to have to fail to succeed." Chris asks the dad his thougths and Barb says under her breath "ayudame" the dad is very diplomatic but he is clearly Team Barb.

 

I see some people online going after Barb saying she is not supportive, to me it is the exact opposite; she wants what is best for her son; her son is a 'momma's boy' and now is dating a woman who is completely fine with pulling him from his mom; a woman who he heard her rules, immediately broke them and now he wants to go back to her because he craves smothering? Peter should thank his mom for becoming the focus of the show towards the end because without his mom and Madison going back and forth people would be reminded about how ungentlemanly he was to HA!

Bachelor finale episode 1 of 2 (yup that level of torture) or Madison still doesn't get the show!

Bachelor watch with the ladies, I cannot believe that my homie threw a bach watch party!

 

First points to E immediately guessing that the show was in Alice Springs, Australia before the name came up on the screen.

 

Ali and I both wonder why Peter's family is crying at the sight of him.

 

Hannah Ann is first:

And she is in instant cry mode. "I am proud to be in him" uhmm "Pause"? Is pause still a thing?

Barbara (Peter's mom) and Hannah Ann (HA) go off to talk and HA just breaks down. .

I ask the ladies "What is his name?" and the responses were "Dad" "Peter's dad?" turns out just like me no one knows his name, Barb is the star of the family. Everyone yells "Peter Sr." when the chiron shows up.

 

Madison:

I missed the initial few bits of convo because I was busy booking a flight (coincidentally at the same time as Aaron needed to book one too).

E pointed out Madison's eyes and now all I can do is stare at her eyes then Peter's scar then back to her eyes, both are hard to look away from.

Madison says that "she is hanging on by a thread to be honest" she does not feel confident.

Madison still has not said she is waiting for marriage.

She says "Love is not the issue here you know…" but still doesn't say I love you. When Peter asks "What is the issue?" Madison responds "All this other crap!"

Both these people talk about fighting in the mildest conversation ever.

Madison finally says "I love you" passively by the route of "that is what I was going to tell you the other night."

Peter goes in for a kiss and Madison head bobs him.

 

AND THEN THEY GO TO MEET HIS PARENTS – I had not realized this whole time they still hadn’t gotten to that point because this scene was so boring (until the ducked kiss).

 

Peter Sr gets Madison first (well no man has yet) but he will talk to her first – they say nothing

 

Peter's bro whose name Ali tells me is 'Sensible brother' points out to Peter that he and Madison do not seem very compatible (his name is Jack).

 

Peter's mom tells Madison that Peter is a bit of a partier, but she doesn't want Madison to change him. Barb comes out swinging and lets Madison know she cannot tell Peter what to do.

Madison goes on the defensive and speaks of her "standards."

 

In her ITM Madison says that she and Peter are on completely different pages.

 

After Madison leaves, Peter sits down with his mom and she immediately breaks down crying with him and then says "She is not there for you!" smartest thing Barb has ever said on this show!

Barb said she prayed last night about the situation and strongly hints that Peter should pick HA.

 

Peter's parents and bro try to steer him away from Madison and the pain it will cause him but Peter rejects their advice.

Barb "Hannah Ann loves you with all her heart, BRING HER HOME TO US…she is a dream come through, God has placed her there for you…" Peter to his mom "You gotta stop doing this" The couch ladies say that Peter chasing crying women all makes sense now – he associates crying and drama with love. I bet most people had " BRING HER HOME " as a cry about Madison…I warned y'all ages ago about trusting those Bach producers.

Peter finally tells us, I cannot help it "I want Maddi more than Hannah."

Welcome to Uluru:

Madison tells Peter that she is going to walk away to allow him to find what he wants. Peter of course pushes back. We mercilessly mock Peter for having to shake away from flies.

We rewind to notice Madison's awful spray tan.

 

We get an OMCH appearance: he is here for Peter's heartbreak.

 

Peter and HA go to a kangaroo sanctuary and Peter now pretends that HA is his first choice.

In her ITM HA lets us know she is smarter than she appears "Looking into Peter's eyes I can tell something is off."

Peter lies to HA "I have never doubted anything with you ever."

 

The dreaded 'to be continued'

Bachelor recap, the Women tell 'all' Peter tells nothing

Many times this show via its previews comes across like the Verizon ads promising 5G and then in fine print have warnings basically saying "this is all potentially true in the future but we are not sure right now [I paraphrase]" a great example of the Bach fake out was for weeks we saw Hannah Ann (HA) bawling in a preview and everyone assumed it was because she was sent home but instead it was tears of joy? This is how I feel about the clips of Barb (Peter's mom) screaming "BRING HER HOME" for all I know they had a female puppy that got lost during the filming of the episode and Barb just wants her home.

So the show tonight will be doing the studio audience thing. The first part of the show is doing the post fantasy suites rose ceremony before we cut to the infighting of the 'Women Tell All.'

'Racist' Victoria (RV) is the first woman we get back to in Australia and we get her voice over with RV telling us that "Peter's heart is very pure" and my brain immediately hears it as "Peter's lineage is very pure, pure and white, at least he looks white, so that's white enough for me!"

We then get HA telling us how much she is falling in love with Peter while repeatedly applying lip gloss? She is so young!

But we do not go to Madison for her stilted voice over instead we get Peter and OMCH meeting under trees to discuss whether Peter will even see Madison walk up for a rose ceremony.

HA "My love for him just strengthens me each and every day" I get the feeling HA has a 'daily affirmations' calendar.

More pining from Peter, as he struggles with waiting for Madison…if he ends up with the other girls how can they watch this season and feel comfortable.

We get to see HA and RV standing on the platform (freezing) waiting for Peter and maybe Madison? Peter himself is whispering to producers "where's Madi?"

It is clearly windy on the platform and the 2 waiting girls are clearly freezing as this OBVIOUS producer ploy is used to build tension,

Of course you know Madison eventually shows up.

Look I applaud Madison for sticking to her principles I DO NOT applaud her for acting as if she does not know the set-up of this show, it was too clearly a move on her part to wait to get to the final 4 before telling Peter that she did not want him to have sex with the others AND to still not tell him that she is waiting for marriage.

Peter starts crying before giving out the first rose saying that this decision is going to destroy him:

HA gets the first rose and she and Peter share a long hug, many will think that was for intimacy but I know that was so HA could get some body heat; she is in a tiny and thin dress.

Peter calls Madison forward to give her the final rose and Madison looks  stone faced and barely utters a "yeah" which makes Peter whisper back "you sure?     " as they hug the show pipes in some beating heart sounds.

RV had to know she was chopped the second HA got the first rose after waiting on that platform so long for Madison to arrive.

Peter walks RV out to then sit on a bench so she can continue to freeze while he tells her "I was falling in love with you…but my heart is further along with those other girls." RV "I just feel stupid" like modeling for a "white lives matter" campaign and saying it was only for white marlins, not a political statement.

Normally by this time of the season I feel a pang of conscience as someone leaves crying in the limo but I cannot muster up even a scintilla of empathy for RV.

Madison's toast - "Here's to seeing if love can conquer all" to which HA rightfully gives a pouted smirk. 

Time for the

WOMEN TELL ALL:

If it is true that the show didn't invite Natasha and Kelley this is messed up.

As always the intro moment is a quick rundown of "oh yeah she was on this show."

There is a tonne of bronzer on this stage.

We start with recap clips which ends with "Women tell all, come at me I don’t [Bleeping] care" from Tammy.

Sydney gets to go first re Alayah and she calls Alayah scripted. Lexi says that Alayah was treating the show like a pageant.

Alayah says her voice changes to the various octaves people accuse her of faking because it is what her mom calls her "Princess Voice."

We then have a free for all of just women yelling at each other to the point that it becomes unintelligible and OMCH just sits there smugly as it goes off the rails and then sends the show to commercial

We come back to champagne-gate and Shiann says it was handled "irrationally" and Kelsey smartly just accepts it, easier to lean into it vs fighting the narrative of having a bad drunken night.

These ladies are micro parsing their words "You called me a stupid Fing Bitch" "I didn’t say stupid" "What did you say" "I said dramatic Fing Bitch."

Kelsey's moment on the hot seat:

It felt like an audition for shows down the line, if we hadn't already known that Clare Crawley was already announced as the next Bachelorette I would think this was Kelsey's test reel.

Because Kelsey cries a lot the show brings Ashley I out to meet her, Kelsey immediately guessed who would be coming out. Ashley I presents Kelsey with a massive bottle of champagne that she cradles like a baby…well at least she got one out of this show. 

RV's time in the hot seat:

So of course she is crying. RV is asked about breaking up marriages and she denies it saying that Marissa (the source to Peter) just wanted to be on the show. The Bachelor as is its move just WHITE washes the actual controversy about RV and pretends the only thing people care about is that she may have broken up marriages. When POC tell you that America does not care about them, these are the kind of moments we are speaking of.

Peter and his parents travel around with OMCH to visit Bachelor viewing parties around town, I blog about this show but these people LIVE IT, they have massive parties, with decorations and themes and goodies, my friends and I had to plan almost a month out just for the THREE of us to meet up for the finale, and these people do this for every episode? Leaning into 'the entire Weber family is sexual' there is a scene where Peter's parents pretend to get it on in the backseat of the SUV while Peter and OMCH are looking for them in the parking lot.

Peter arrives to "aw-shucks" his way through the hot seat:

Savannah calls Peter out and asks him if he regrets "rewarding drama," he does not.

Bloopers:

Peter's move of lifting girls on to hard surfaces to make out backfires for Mykenna when he lifts her up and she hits her head on a cupboard.

Janice Dickinson warns the girls "You gotta be careful about those HTDs or HSNs…[corrected by listening girls} oh STDs."

Victoria P apparently thinks coyotes sound like chickens.

Rachel Lindsay (former Bachelorette) is brought out to sit down with OMCH:

The show is addressing some of the hate the women on this show receive. It is past time the show deals with this which is part of why I am so annoyed at how much they glossed over the RV racism thing. Much of the attacks on these women are based on the racial tensions of this show and let me remind you, representation matters, it is why I was so annoyed that the show did not pick Mike instead of Peter, adding a black bachelor to the Bachelor roster would help people to realize this show does not have to be a lily white domain. RV stays quiet throughout this segment.