Bachelorette Recap or, be a Viking why don't you?

We restart with Kenny and Lee discussing their issues from last week.

Bryan got the date rose mainly for just keeping his mouth shut. Kenny congratulates him while throwing shade at Lee, Lee then says “F#$k you” to Kenny. 

Jack gets the one on one date:

Rachel says they should get along they should be perfect for each other, but something is missing. Jack in his ITM thinks “there is something there.” Jack wants to kiss her. He moves in for the kiss and Rachel pulls away saying “you are going to get sick, I am contagious” poor guy. 

Lee keeps trying to get Will to say that Kenny was aggressive, Will tries to break down to Lee how using that dog whistle term is problematic. Lee just blows it off as playing the race card. Will is clearly trying to work with Lee here, but Lee’s prejudice will not allow him to learn anything beyond his desire to make Kenny seem subhuman “oh so he cannot control himself?”

Back to Rachel and Jack and she is telling us is that she needs to see more passion from him (us lawyers are not always the best at this). Poor Jack does not see this breakup bullet coming. I do not know why they always make the lead pick up the rose to then send someone home.

Rachel cancels the cocktail party – 

The rose ceremony is by a bonfire, I can’t help but think Lee is there wishing something else was burning. Of course Kenny, Lee and Iggy are all placed side by side. Kenny gets the second to last rose and it is down to Lee, Iggy and Jonathan (the tickle monster). Lee gets the final rose and again I think it is producer driven. Iggy was causing so much trouble in the house it makes sense that they got rid of him, but if we are kicking out a trouble maker why keep the racist? Iggy cries in his goodbye interview. 

They take off for Oslo, Norway.

Bryan gets the one on one:

Josiah says, “Brah, she really likes Bryan” Lee looks confused.

On their date Bryan and Rachel are going to rappel down 187 feet and Rachel points out “Is no one else getting the code that it is 187?” A producer whispers “What does that mean?” Rachel screams “MURDER” hahah I love her. Even if it is clear that she is into Bryan more than anyone else. They kiss halfway down the ropes. Rachel is clearly wondering why she likes Bryan so much and worried that he might be playing her. 

Back at the house Eric starts to voice to Anthony that he is not sure that Rachel likes brothers – Eric notes that only Anthony has gotten a one on one as a black guy, with all the other opportunities going to white guys. 

Funnily for a vibrant girl, when Rachel is with Bryan they become boring.

A date card shows up and 2 names are left off of it, Kenny and Lee (which is why the producers gave them roses last ceremony). 

Group date:

The group goes and plays hand ball, and Rachel also plays as part of one of the teams (the red Team) Will who has previously played the sport happens to be on her team…he is probably the MVP of the game. 

Back at the hotel we get a contrast of personalities, Kenny is getting emotional video conferencing with his daughter while Lee is lifting weights and telling us that he wants more than a spark he wants a flame (and in my mind I see him marching with a tiki torch at a rally in Virginia). 

Back to the group date, Will is the first one on one and he talks to Rachel about his most recent breakup. A lot of guys are getting kisses tonight. We get some hot tub action with Rachel and Peter which the guys who were not there note means that 3.5 hours passed. But despite all the time Peter spent with Rachel, Will gets the date rose. Peter looks shocked! 

The 2 on one date:

Is accompanied by dramatic music as the three of them are out in the wilderness – Kenny goes first and he tells Rachel that he has confronted Lee. On Lee’s turn he starts to say stuff about Kenny that we have not seen so far on camera…he then intimates that Kenny has a drinking problem. Rachel then comes back to ask Kenny for a second talk. Rachel tells Kenny “Lee told me you were very violent with him…you pulled him out of a van.” 

The 2 night episode continues:

We get Kenny coming back to meet with Lee and he is laughing at Lee for lying then launches into a verbal tirade. Rachel comes back to tell Lee that she is going to send him home and tells Kenny that she needs to spend more time with him tonight to see if she can give Kenny the rose. Lee even though he has already been sent home tells Rachel that Kenny threatened him. Kenny and Rachel walk to the helicopter but instead of getting in the helicopter with Rachel, Kenny foolishly turns back to go and confront Lee one more time…as Rachel sits in the helicopter waiting for Kenny she notes that it is stupid. 

Kenny redeems himself during the evening portion and gets the rose. He calls his daughter and breaks down emotionally and…anyone watching who didn’t think the interaction between the 2 was sweet has a stone for a heart. 

Going into the Rose Ceremony, Josiah is spouting tonnes of confidence “If I do not get a rose I will be shocked” well guess someone is SHOCKED, because…Matt receives the final rose. Anthony who told Eric it was not a racial thing and Josiah are both sent home, I wonder how Anthony feels now. Josiah says “No one in this house thought I was going home tonight.” He then breaks down guys compared to him and says “woman you have got some poor judgment.” Eric again notices the color of the guys going home. 

Eric gets the one on one:

Part of why I am not enjoying this date so much is because Eric requires too much validation.

Group Date:

The guys row a Viking ship. They then have to dress up like Vikings and play Viking games. Kenny and Adam make the finals and both get hurt and bleed…however all the previews made it seem like Kenny’s  bleeding came from fighting Lee, not once did they show Adam bleeding. Thing is as a long time fan of this show, I knew there was no way Lee actually fought Kenny – He would have gotten murked! 

Evening portion – And it is pretty chill so let us flash back to the hotel where Will is telling Eric that he does not normally date black girls (he frames it in terms of opportunity, not preference, thankfully). Kenny basically sends himself home, he and Rachel agree that he is not in the position to stay when he doesn’t want to expose his daughter to a ‘maybe relationship’ rather than a ‘for sure’ relationship.

Peter gets the group date rose. 

One on One:

And Rachel takes Will to Sweden, we do this now overdone Bachelor/ette trope of having an old couple come and talk to the young couple on their date – it is hard to believe in these interactions since they now happen multiple times every season. 

Rachel like me appears to be bored with Will – there is no spark between them. Rachel says the night time is going to matter greatly for Will. 

Night portion – Will tells Rachel that he has predominantly dated white women, and you can tell that it bothers Rachel. Cut back to the guys’ hotel and Eric tells the other guys that he told Will to tell Rachel that he hasn’t dated black women…oh dog! Back to date – Will continues to sink himself by telling Rachel that he is normally a very passionate person which of course causes her to question even further why he showed no passion towards her, sooooo no date rose for Will. Will takes it like a pro. 

Rose Ceremony:

Rachel begins with Hamlet and says “To thine own self be true” is guiding her. Looking at that lineup it looks pretty much like every other season of this show, a sea of white guys and Eric. Alex does not get a rose and looks stunned.

Bachelorette recap or here comes the race baiter from the south

We start again with Lee and Eric arguing – (If you look Lee up you will find that he is a race-baiter, but the guys there may not have known that but I want to think they sense it) – Josiah notes that Lee is doing things that make him uncomfortable; when Lee says “I’m gonna have problems with some of these guys in here” it makes me think he means ‘black guys.’ So of course he interrupts a black guy’s time with Rachel.

Listening to the guys try to decide if someone means quarks, quirks, or corks gives me life. 

Dean straight up calls Lee intolerant in his ITM and notes the only peeps Lee seems to have a problem with are the ones who he didn’t grow up with in his cultural sphere.

Kenny calls Lee out and you can see Lee trying to goad him into doing something more serious.
Rachel points out the fact that she is going to face criticisms for her choices just because she is a black woman. 

Lee of course gets a rose…feels like a producer rose. 

The crew travels to Hilton Head…South Carolina, right after racial tension. 

Dean gets the one on one date:

Dean who is terrified of heights, is now going to have to ride in a Blimp with Rachel. Rachel gets to control the blimp for a second and convinces Dean that he has to do it. Dean reacts in much the same way I would, cautious optimism. 

Evening portion and Dean shares his sob story, his mom died when he was 14, he smoothly does it though and does not seem ham fisted with it like most. He gets the date rose. Oh look we are back to pretending we know the musical act, tonight it is Russell Dickerson. 

Group Date Time:

The guys are all styling and profiling whoooo, push up contests, dancing, rapping and flexing. But all of that is pushed to the back when they now have to do a spelling bee – Josiah thinks he has it locked. Kenny was the first to fail on ‘champagne’ and turns out Josiah did have it locked, though in fairness his words seemed easier than others for instance he had ‘polyamorous’ as his final word while another had ‘boutonniere.’ 

Group date night –

And Iggy takes his time to snitch on Josiah - Then comes back and tells Josiah. Eric says “Iggy is like a gossip Queen” Josiah in his ITM says “I’m surprised he is still in the house, he is the lamest dude in the house, he does drugs, he shoots steroids in his nuts” whoa whoa whoa.

Lee takes his time to lie about Kenny. Which of course leads to poor Kenny losing his one on one time with Rachel to discussing Lee, he then confronts Lee about this.

Bachelorette recap or, we will not let you back in this house!

We start with DeMario trying to talk his way into the house he definitely turns on the silver tongue charm, but it does not work and thus the posse of guys hanging outside the house willing to throw him out does not need to be activated. 

The cocktail party continues and the guy labeled ‘Tickle monster’ walks around with giant hands. Waboom aka Lucas tries to counter what Blake has said about him by using what I guess is gay panic? He tells Rachel a story of waking up and seeing Blake standing over his bed eating a banana – right after saying Blake might have a crush on him. Blake as a counter to his accusation says that he does not eat carbs…Both Lucas and Blake are booted, while Lucas is doing his goodbye ITM Blake walks over puts his hand on his shoulder and begins to verbally unload on him. They begin to rant at each other in a pretty funny meltdown, I have not seen every season of this show but I cannot imagine this has happened much before. 

The Group date card arrives and it says the guys are going on Ellen, they react way too aggressively for men that allegedly have jobs during the daytime…on the Ellen show they strip down to dance for the ladies in the audience and a few snitch on themselves. 

Ohhhhh Fred, he asks Rachel if this is the right time to kiss her, he makes it awkward but somehow still gets the kiss while continuing a sentence – he has been waiting to kiss her since elementary school. Rachel brings out the date rose to the group but then asks Fred to step outside with her for a bit, the guys who remain in the room think that this means he is getting the rose but nope Rachel is letting him go, because she just cannot see him as anything but the little kid she once knew. 

Solo date time:

And they are on Rodeo Drive poor Anthony has to get on a horse for the first time in his life and ride down Rodeo with Rachel, she steers their horses into West (the shop) to get boots and hats, then to Sprinkles for Cupcakes then to a boutique shop where the horses finally relieved themselves. Anthony lucked out cause he got to get an ‘experience’ plus gets gifts. 

Group Date Time:

And Rachel brings some of her ‘friends’ from her season of the Bachelor, it is hard to see Corinne on this. The guys are taken to a saloon to mud wrestle…so again the guys on the group date are topless. I guess this is equality… they are objectifying the men like crazy here including yelling “show us your junk” and “let me see that butt.” Sigh, I hate when they make the women strip down on the Bachelor and I hate to see it here for the men on the Bachelorette. 

Kenny confesses in his one on one time with Rachel that he used to be a Chippendale dancer in Vegas. 

Eric confronts the 2 guys that told Rachel they found him the least compatible with Rachel. Despite being told by multiple peeps that Eric is not right for her Rachel gives him the date rose.

Cocktail party time and multiple people talk about Eric and it clearly shakes Rachel – this causes her faith in him to shake and she seeks him out. Rachel doesn’t pull the rose from him but Eric calls the guys together to lecture them about “keeping my name out your mouths.”

A black bachelorette and the world still stands 2 episodes in!

This might be the latest I have gotten to a season of the show, but come on it is a Black Bachelorette I am not going to give up on this season. So no matter how long it takes I am going to finish this show.

It is still so weird seeing this many brown peeps on a Bachelor-franchise show.

Lucas is already the enemy to many of the guys and apparently has a long simmering tension with Blake.

The guys get to meet Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis and they are as raunchily fun as you remember. The guys have to do a ‘Daddy material’ challenge, first pretend to change a baby, then attach a baby bjorn and run with the baby to then vacuum a strip, then get to a clogged sink to pull fake hair, then find a ring that fell into a filled sink, then set a table, then get a bouquet and run it back to Rachel. Lucas cheats to win, including throwing a stiff arm to Kenny King (kid you are crazy to do that to a wrestler) and tried to get Ashton to do his foolish “whaboom” sound to which Ashton deservedly passes and looks at him with disdain. Back to the stiff arm, Kenny looked like he was two steps away from putting Lucas 6 feet under.

Dean gets the date rose and a kiss that surprises Rachel.

Peter gets the first one on one and Rachel is flying with him to Palm Springs, she then tries to trick him that the date is not going to be a one on one but instead a 2 on 1 turns out to be her dog (which I predicted but had the advantage of seeing Copper with Rachel enough to guess that would be the second ‘person.’ They go to a ‘Bark Fest’ a goofy dog centric pool party, Peter easily impresses Rachel.

Back at the hotel a group date card shows up and the only phrase on it is ‘Swish’ and the black guys react a lot more excitedly than the white guys…

Back to La Quinta (yes this blog is personal so let me just say, I loved staying in that resort) and the one on one. They talk about their big incisors and tooth-gaps they swap ‘power stories’ about it, I didn’t notice gaps on either of them until they mentioned it. He gets the date rose and a kiss.

I should not be this tired but I am struggling to stay awake during this episode, it better pickup.

Group date time and Kareem Abdul-Jabar shows up to help coach…I think. Kareem tries to associate basketball with love, it was a tortured analogy. Anyway the part that matters, the guys are going to play against each other infront of a crowd. These guys are laying bricks like crazy, even after doing shimmies and stylin’. Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Safe to say…I fell asleep all of those ‘Ks’ there were 11 pages of them! Hahahah during the game! I didn’t even make it to half time. So I had to restart and got to see Demario dominate the game, but then his team lost…but that will not be his only L tonight. Rachel is doing a meet and greet with fans after the game and one fan Lexi lingers to meet her last (sure, nothing staged here). Lexi tells Rachel that up until she saw Demario on the ‘After the final Rose’ she thought she was dating him. Demario is hanging out with the fellows after the game and Rachel comes in to the locker room to get him, he and the others think this is going to a “hey you get the game day rose” or an “Hey you were the MVP” type of thing. But instead, he gets to meet his ex/current/smash buddy girl, and it ends with Rachel telling him to “get the [bleep] out.” She is so annoyed/crying that she avoids Obvious Man Chris Harrison and the producers and runs into the bathroom. She eventually tells the remaining guys to make sure to just be there for her.

One by one the guys use the disappearance of Demario to step up; Josiah telling Rachel that he was disgusted by it gets to make out with her.

During the cocktail party portion as Rachel is talking to all of the suitors DeMario shows up on the outside of the property so security gets OMCH who goes and gets Rachel and tells her that the option is there for her to talk to him, so of course she goes to talk to him: The guys hearing that DeMario is outside rise en masse to go and confront him and we get the dreaded “to be continued.”

The Bachelor goes to Wisconsin

We start with the girls continuing the plan from last week of criticizing Corinne directly to Nick. Even OMCH takes Nick aside to talk about Corinne but there is no resolution before the rose ceremony. Typical last rose Drama before Corinne gets the final rose. 2 of the girls who were sent home were girls that I constantly confused for each other, so maybe Nick did the same?

Corinne decides to make a toast for the group, the group stares daggers at her. To me Corinne tries so hard to be sexy and yet I do not find it sexy at all. Yes she has worked hard on her body and her looks but (I must be getting older) I am not enticed by it at all.

The rental must be over on the Mansion, the group is now off to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Nick meets up with his parents and we have to pretend that he has never talked to them about this stuff before.

Danielle L gets the one on one date.

While I watch this, I am working on my sweet and pungent chicken recipe, too many online sources want to 'correct' my search and instead show sweet and sour chicken instead - this is how bored I am by Nick's date. Even the clearly staged moment of running into Nick's ex didn't provide any spark. Danielle's evening sob story is that her parents divorced. Daneille like stops...a third of the...way into...like...every sentence!

A date card arrives back at the hotel so the girls get to find out that Corinne is on a group date and Raven gets the one on one.

Danielle gets the date rose that "solidifies the way I see this relationship going." They go to finish the date at a Chris Lane concert (yeah I do not know who he is) but what caught my eye is that the show had to blur Danielle's dress as she walked in right after I noticed to myself "that dress is risky."

The group date has the girls go to a dairy farm and come upon Nick bottle feeding a calf. Corinne is not happy with the group date. 95% of the milk in Wisconsin is made into cheese, and you thought this show wouldn't teach you something. The girls are doing a day in the life of a dairy farmer. Corinne of course voices in her confessional that she is not able to do any chores especially farm chores, her 'nanny does the chores.'

Nick is unable to get a cow to produce any milk, one of the girls takes that as a sign that Nick is unable to handle teats. The girls then have to muck out a stall, so Corinne walks out of the date and goes to sit alone. 

Corinne plays with her bosom a lot, I mean a whole lot, she will punctuate sentences by grabbing her bosom and shaking, she tells us that she is a corn husk and that you have to peel the layers to get to the golden corn...I think she might have wanted to be the corn but not the corn husk but hey.

Vanessa's kids and co-workers created a 'book' for Nick and not for the first time in 4 seasons have I wondered if Nick is a proficient reader.

Corinne decides to talk to the group and she is immediately called out for sleeping through a rose ceremony. Corinne says "Michael Jordan took naps, Abraham Lincoln took naps" well yup she got us all.

Raven apparently forgets that Danielle was with Nick earlier in the episode since she says "I feel very privileged to be the first girl to get a one on one home town date with Nick." Nick says this is a "realistic date for me...to see things I would do when I come home to visit my family." Because of course Nick gets to go to his little sister's practices all the time with a date and a bunch of cameras. Raven gets to meet the parents and while Nick's dad is asking her about her name she does not look him in the eyes even once. Nick's sister scores a goal...they didn't rig youth soccer did they? They all go to a skating rink- where Bella questions Raven about her intentions. I hate myself that I immediately recognized the Sixpence none the Richer song 'kiss me' instantly from the first chords as they skated around the rink, I will claim that it is because they are a Texas band.

Raven's evening sob story is that her boyfriend cheated on her and she drove miles to go and catch him in the act which resulted in her beating up a naked girl and attacking her naked boyfriend. Raven gets the date rose.

Cocktail party:
And Danielle L who already has a rose is the first to take Nick aside, this causes girls to out loud voice their concerns and annoyance. Corinne and Lacy are mad that Taylor interrupted Corinne's time with Nick oh the irony, so Corinne decides that she needs to take Taylor aside to tell her what she feels about her. Taylor is clearly trying to measure her response to Corinne. Corinne reminds us again that she runs a multi-million dollar company (that her parents own). And we are 'To Be Continued.'

Too much fun with the Bachelor will leave you nauseous.

On the prior episode Liz seals her fate by telling another girl that she slept with Nick which leads to Nick finding out and Liz going home.

We go into a rose ceremony/cocktail party. Corinne unlike the other girls who are lamenting that Nick slept with Liz before the show, takes it as a challenge to one up her and decides to dress in a Trench Coat with just underwear beneath it. She squirts whipped cream into Nick's mouth and licks it, then squirts some unto her bosom and has Nick lick it off, keep in mind the cocktail party is still ongoing. The other girls are starting to cry based on what Nick and Corinne are doing. 

Jasmine finally interrupts the Corinne and Nick cream-fest. Corinne goes and cries to Lacy, it seems as if Corinne thought she and Nick would just have sex immediately. Corinne is missing from the Rose Ceremony, cut to video of her sleeping with a rose beside her. Just as Nick is about to give out a rose he notices that Corinne is not present "no seriously where is Corinne?" Nick apologizes to the girls for Corinne's absence.

OMCH comes in and tells the girls their minds will be blown by the upcoming dates. And I guess he is right, the girls get to meet the Backstreet Boys (my side-job has allowed me the chance the last year to hang with a lot of celebs and you know what? I get it girls I am not mad at y'all for freaking out a bit). The girls practice dancing with the Backstreet Boys then get to perform on stage with them. Danielle is selected to be serenaded while she dances with Nick and Corinne mean mugs and gives us narration that proves that she might already be a bit too clingy for a show of this type.

A show like the Bachelor brings out the worst (and the best) in peeps personalities and people can come off crazy, whether they are playing it up or not, but something tells me imbalanced personalities gravitate to a show like this and Corinne may not be in the best place even while being entertaining fodder.

Corinne starts talking to the girls about the fact that she has a nanny "it makes her happy and I am not going to stop a woman's happiness." They are reminded that she is 24 years old. Danielle wins the group date rose.

Vanessa for her solo date gets to do stuff that ordinary peeps do not get to do, she gets to play around in a Zero G plane, to simulate being in space. This is why ordinary peeps do not get to do it [
$4,950 + 5% tax: The ZERO-G Experience^®: Weightless flight to include 15 parabolic maneuvers creating 20-30 seconds of weightlessness each. Includes ZERO-G merchandise, pre and post flight catering, professional photos of ZERO-G Experience^®, video of weightless experience and certificate of weightless completion.] If you ever have an extra 5K hook your friendly blogger up, I will go with you. Poor Vanessa eventually pukes.

The group date has the girls hanging with Carl Lewis (met him) Allyson Felix (my idiot coworker thinks he can run faster than her) and Michelle Carter (who I would love to meet). The girls are going to compete in the 'Nickcathalon' to win time with Nick. Peeps comment on Astrid's lack of bra support. The girls were expected to do a long jump, the high jump, and the javelin to get to the second round. The second round is a 100m dash, to grab a ring and get hot tub time with Nick. Rachel wins I cannot resist (the black girl) but knocks the ring over instead of grabbing it, Astrid who came in last (of 3) gets to the tumbling ring and wins the hot tub time...

Evening portion and Dominique one of the black girls (again this franchise has been so bad with ethnic persons that it has to be pointed out that way) is breaking down, she cries to Rachel in the bathroom. Dominique decides to call out Nick and it backfires, or maybe went exactly the way she wanted without having to quit herself, because Nick sends her home.

OMCH shows up to tell us, "No cocktail party, instead there will be a pool party" the usual cheap ploy to get the lead down to their skivvies and the talent down to their skimpiest. Corinne because she hasn't said enough crazy this episode, calls the other girls desperate, just before we see her bouncing around in a princess castle bounce house. She straddles Nick in the bounce house as the other girls watch. Alexis voices what many of the girls are expressing "bitches" Jasmine's was too bleeped out to follow "I'm (Bleep) with this (bleep), (bleep). Nick leaves her and we cut to Corinne snoring in bed.

"I think you are making a huge mistake with one girl" so starts Raven in her conversation with Nick. Raven tells Nick about Corinne's nanny and "she doesn't even know how to clean a spoon." This opens up the floodgates, all the women start to talk to Nick about Corinne.