Infrequently updated consistently funny

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Bachelor Recap (episode 9) or Do not tell someone your ring size unless they are ready to propose to you

If this was your fist time watching the Bachelor, I would not be surprised if you never came back, this episode was the most boring of the season, bit of a bland appetizer to cleanse the palate before we get to the spiciness of next weeks "Catfight" or whatever the real name is of the 'Women tell all' episode.

Sean calls Catherine goofy and then admits to being goofy himself, yes to start the show we get Sean telling us about all three girls it is basically a “previously on the Bachelor” recap without a proper voice over artist doing it.

 The problem with this recap is that it quickly shows you how dumb all these persons are.

We are graced with Sean in the pool blatantly posing for the camera; you are welcome ladies, and some men.

They go to a Thai market and everything looks flashy then Sean the sadist strikes again, Lindsay had told him that she would try anything except bugs and so of course Sean takes her to go eat bugs. I worry about this guy and whomever he finally ends up with. 8

Lindsay says she would love exploring the world, remember ladies, the show pays for all these trips not the Bachelor.

“There are beautiful flowers made out of petals” Words of a developmentally challenged kid or Lindsay? Trick question it is both. Again, remember people, she is a TEACHER. Lindsay says that every time she wants to tell Sean that she loves him, she becomes tongue tied, I wonder if any of that has to do with how rapidly she resorts to kissing when her brain is stalled. Ladies, if you love a man, just say it especially if you are on a show that claims to be a method of finding love.

Everyone knows what the fantasy suite envelope contains right? No one has ever needed it explained? Just noticed, Lindsay’s dress is horrid.

Watching Sean and Lindsay in the fantasy suit is just one word AWKWARD, she wanted to build up to an I love you and then it came out rather forced, but I loved his response “I love hearing you say that”. I have got to remember that technique.

It is now AshLee’s turn to kiss in lieu of using words. Sean continues his theme of trying to make the girls panic: AshLee freaks out that they have to swim through a cave. Another quick lesson to anyone, when you are on a TV show not based on challenges then you never have to fear the situations they place you in, they are going to take every precaution to make sure their cash cow keeps on producing. Oh did you know AshLee was abandoned as a child? If not, you have not listened to her talk for more than 10 minutes.

Jamaica has got to throw some money ABC’s way, we need to get the Bachelor to come to our island and get us some cheap publicity like all these other touristy destinations. (To anyone reading this, the water in Jamaica looks much cleaner than the water in Thailand).

AshLee basically hints that she is fine with giving up the cookies; she just does not want to do it if Sean is sharing cookies with the other girls.
Sean gets AshLee to accept the fantasy suite invite by assuring her that all he wants to do is talk...millions of guys are now shaking their head thinking "no one ever believes me when I say that."

AshLee tells us her ring size, she went with the “I think” method but we all know she knows exactly what her ring size is.

Catherine comes racing up the beach and the date begins. Even hotties have insecurities – Catherine reveals body image issues.

I confess this date really really really really bored me; I just could not get invested in it, even when Catherine basically listed her entire life goals, marriage, and a baby. She gives a long speech about the fantasy suite and then of course accepts the invite.

The Bachelor does a cheesy tie in with the new Oz movie, no chance I see this in theaters, it looks like a chick flick wrapped up in sci-fi, nothing in the trailer grabs me.

The girls get to leave Sean messages aka known as, ‘I feel much safer talking to a camera than talking to you’ vignettes. Both Catherine and AshLee break out the twins for their rose ceremony outfits, Lindsay shocks me by dressing sedately, I guess the wedding dress sapped all her fun outfits.

AshLee you tricky devil, dropping the water works in your message to Sean, nice move, maybe too much, but I see what you did there.

Lindsay gets the first rose and then the producers force Sean to pause as long as possible before giving the 2nd rose to Catherine…my prediction lives one more week! I hate to think this, but I think Sean did not want to get with the woman older than him…AshLee I would love to date you except I cannot stand your habit of bringing up the childhood trauma, I know I am shallow and I would walk and talk you through it, but I fear it would always be an argument ender.

Catherine notes that AshLee did not say goodbye to them, what is with her and her concern for all the girls leaving? She does know that this is a competition right? The 2 remaining girls have to stand in their rose reception spots and stare out at Sean sitting on a bench mourning the girl he just sent home…self-esteem on high!
Too soon to make the AshLey feels abandoned joke?

Because the show overall was so boring I provide you with this:
Look at the big girl, she might be the single scariest fighting force in the world, she throws a table, deflects a chair bare handed then catches another with just one hand. She then stands amidst the chair bombs like nothing is happening.

No comments:

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.