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Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Bachelor recap or why must we torture Canada also?

Now that I know that I have more than one reader of my recaps I really should pay attention to grammar syntax etc but nope.
I cannot believe I am watching a 2nd straight night of the Bachelor.

Sean kicks the show off with, “I love Canada” I do too, but I would have bet serious money on Sean not being able to point it out on a map. And with that single line Sean pays off the Canadian board of Tourism.

Katherine (cutie) gets the one on one date (one on one – ten years ago all dates were automatically considered one on ones) and she is placed in what looks like a frozen tundra setting. She then uses the phrase “…Sean came and rescued me” when describing Sean arriving to pick her up, she is automatically seeming less cute to me and again leads to the question I voiced a few weeks back: These girls know this is not all real right? They know that they will not actually be left out in the cold permanently and left to die if he does not show up? Right? Right? Please say right.

Uh oh, my brother is up, I am strongly debating shifting to something else on the DVR I don’t even want to try to explain this to him. Even worse he is talking to me now, if I pause it to listen he will instantly know that I am taking this show seriously. Oh crap, Katherine’s story was so bad that I yelled “what the hell? Is this legit?” My brother is now laughing at me cause I yelled “Courtney you believe this, her friend dies in front of her at 12 and that made her realize immediately that she needed to get married?” My brother is now laughing at me and at Sean, who heard that BS story and said “I agree”.

I think I may have converted a new watcher. He is even making comments.

I stand by my thoughts from yesterday on Sean, he is a sadist; come on man, a polar bear plunge?

My bro’s thoughts on the life guard: “They deliberately chose someone unattractive so he would not compete with the Bachelor. Watching this with him could be fun. The real time back and forth comments are hilarious.

This is not suspicious at all, they all had swim suits available…yes I know the show could have brought it for them but yeah, it looks suspicious.

Oh Tierra, shockingly you are freezing, everyone else has decided to put on shoes, blankets and robes, but you decided to fall to the frozen ground conveniently while you have persons near you to scoop you up. Yes I am saying I think you faked this whole thing, yes I think you are a big bag full of crazy cats enough to risk hypothermia to make sure you did not go home. My bro after only watching for 5 minutes and before seeing the polar bear plunge fiasco labeled Tierra the “drama one”, I guess everyone in my family can quickly spot crazy…well maybe except for me; I tend to only see the crazy in girls after we break up.

(edit, I just added the pix, want to see if this works because maybe just maybe I am going to start using pix, unless it messes up the clean visuals which I use so my friends can sneak in reads while at work)

YUP, seeing Sarah’s one arm caught my bro by surprise too; makes me feel like less of an ass.

Wow Tierra puts on a lot of perfume. I mean wow, is that normal? Do girls normally do 200 passes with the spray?

Hahah should someone from DC (Lesley) so causally blend the words Tierra and Terrorist so easily? I don’t know but I love her for it; a Tierrorist is just an awesome word. When Tierra gives her confessionals and breaks down the other girls I am momentarily in love with her, then she keeps talking.

So Sean is booting Sarah, and though I knew it would eventually come I still feel bad, and I want to call the ADA (yup I know I am bad for that because I should not even care about her disability but…come on man, wait till the rose ceremony). Sarah’s packing scene shows why those scenes when a porter comes in to pick up a single rolling bag are such junk. This girl had so many things but yet when a girl gets booted the guy comes in and casually picks up a light small bag to signify she is off the show.

It is not a good date when the best part of your date is climbing a tree. Sean: “You are so positive” Girl (who is so boring on this date that I cannot bother to rewind to see her name): “I know”. Wha wha what? Who says “I know” to that? Oh man my neighbors are going to be so pissed, I just cackled because shortly after dropping the “I know” she then said “I think this is why I am so HUMBLE” (emphasis mine).

So Selma will not plunge in a lake but she will go against the wishes of her culture/parents and heritage to kiss the Bland Bachelor for a last second secure a rose moment. Hmm I wonder if typing BB will be faster than typing Sean, or at least will it cause me more fun?

Did BB kiss every single girl tonight? He might be milquetoast but at least he is testing the waters.

One rose, 3 girls, one family’s shame, one full bag of crazy and Tierra wins out again.

I guess St Croix is the latest country to offer free room and board to the Bachelor crew.

And yup I knew it, promotional consideration for this week’s episode paid for by Canada…oh Canada! 

And now because you have come to expect it, here is E's synopsis: 
Did they feel bad about all the dead bear shots in the lodge that they had to show some live ones at the beginning?

If Sean says he likes the outdoor one more time… he will maybe have hit the million mark.

I feel bad because as I watched the intro of "Tonight on the Bachelor" and it showed Tierra looking like death… I laughed.  Hard.

I don't know that I would trust Sean driving that beast of a snow bus.

Anyway, I just laughed at another replay of Tierra suffering.  What's wrong with me?

Any challenge that requires a medic because there is a good possibility of hypothermia and death is something I'd think twice about doing.  And that reminded me of a most awesome video:

HAHA! "I think I'm from Baghdad. We are warm weather people." As in she won't do cold stuff.  I love it.

And because of my DVR I missed the whole thing with Tierra getting too cold.  I am going to try and watch i again later when it isn't being such a little bitch.  And… motherfucker.  DVR back to playing now that the big scene is over. I hayt u dvd, u going to hell tomorrow.

And… there goes one arm girl.  Finally.

More live bears…

Okay, I am leaving my computer so IF I have additional musings I'll send another email.


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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.