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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Bachelor recap or…you are not good enough for my sister Episode 8

We start in Houston TX with AshLee spreading a picnic blanket on a field that needs to be mowed, couldn’t they find something in the limo budget for a quick mow. (yes I know that counts as flowers but come on) My bro’s contribution, these people are overdressed. We now find out that AshLee’s dad is a pastor and so is Sean’s, as a PK myself I say gag me with a spoon, no way would I end up on this show (said now only because I do not think there is a chance of me getting on it). But really, her dad must have a heart-attack every time someone brings up this show to him. AshLee once again does her screaming into the air thing, and then notes that she has never brought home someone she is truly madly in love with…guess that marriage at 17 didn’t count.

“I have been dreaming about this day since I was 4 or 5 years old” wow she must have been a prescient child to know that she wanted to go on a dating show at just 4 years old, and even before ABC ever greenlit this show. I hope she can tell me my next few days of plans I really want to know what I plan to do this weekend. Uhmm so AshLee tells her parents about rolling around in the sand with Sean. I do not even tell my parents about holding hands with girls and this girl is confessing sand rolling? [While re reading this for obvious mistakes because let's be honest I am too lazy to properly proof read a thought struck me, maybe AshLee is confessing this all now with Sean there knowing her parents will not throw a fit in public with the cameras present and it is easier to explain now versus awkwardly sitting on the couch watching the show with them. ) AshLee’s mom has a heart to heart with Sean and she looks like she could take Sean apart but he charms her with his blandness.

Sean cannot tell her father that he loves her; he goes with the “crazy about her” line. Sean asks the question I wanted to know and he shocks me by being smart enough to ask it (unless the producers wrote it for him) basically the question is a version of this “How could you sign off on your 17 year old daughter getting married?”

Catherine is up. Seattle here comes an over produced dating special.

They go to the fish market to catch fish, easy joke alert; wouldn’t it make more sense for them to catch crabs? Ugh cot damn there is a wall of gum just sitting there…I know I am foreign so maybe this is just one of those American things I just do not get. Sean attempting to speak a Tagalog word is strangely endearing which annoys me, cause I just want to mock him 24/7.

Shocking that Sean does push-ups in front of the fam with Catherine on his back. But I love the stone-faced looks of her sisters. Her sisters are relationship killers, is this cattiness or over-protectiveness, I cannot tell. I just know that if I were Catherine I would be putting pillows over their faces the minute I saw this show. Sean does not get the blessing from Catherine's mom.

Linsday is up so off we go to Missouri and we are reminded instantly that her dad is a 2 star general. Sean thinks that her home-town is most closely related to real life than anything else, I really do wonder sometimes about this boy. I am surprised that Lindsay cannot figure out why Sean would have a problem in knowing what to call her father. . .She then puts him into Army grunt clothing and has him run through a mini-obstacle course and I admire her for finally having Sean do some working out since he has already had these women, jump into freezing lakes, attempt roller derby, climb cliffs and saw wood.  Not to mention canoeing, rappel down tall building and having to pretend that they are not just on the show for face-time, what a sadist this man has been.

Lindsay's mom has a high pitched voice and I realize that I was expecting her to bark out like a drill sarge, even though I know she is not the General. Sean talking to the General is awkward, right after telling him that they have only been talking for 2 hours he asks for his blessing. The General gives a speech about his para-trooper days and it’s a roundabout way of saying…go for it – the army needs to instantly get rid of this man. I applaud his service to our nation, I applaud his standing for what needs to be done, but after seeing this show, how are the troops ever going to respect him? Give him a very nice retirement package, but he has to go NOW.

Desiree's turn and she is in LA or Hollywood depending on how you want to look at it. Obviously they are hiking Runyon Canyon, I used to live just down the street there and it was definitely the trail to hike if you want to be seen and appear to be fit but not actually work out that hard. Sean helps Des prepare dinner for her family and then a guy shows up and immediately I am thinking this is a work. And damn it we now see Sean balling up his fist, I knew it was faked in the promo where it looked like Sean was going to fight the brother. Damn it producers, well done with getting us to bite on the fake fight as part of the real fight – yup they haven’t revealed it yet but I am pretty sure this guy is faking the “I want you back Des” thing. Now let’s see we are in LA, and we have Des acting something out…hmm methinks this girl might be on the show for more than one reason. And yes, it turns out to be fake, kind of a meta look at what the whole show is about!

Should I find it weird that we are seeing the family at Des’ home not at the Parents’ home? Des’ parents are really quick to accept Sean as a future son in law, a little too quick. Des’ brother on the other hand does not seem like he is ready to even accept Sean as a boyfriend. I cannot help staring at the tats on this guy: Dare I say prison tats? His talk with Sean appears quite stilted; the brother thinks Sean might be a bit of a playboy (he would not think that if he saw how boring Sean really is). Des’ joke with the fake bf does not appear as funny when you see the talk with the brother unless you are a sarcastic viewer then it is hilarious.

Before we get to the rose ceremony moment we have to know is coming, it seems obvious to me at this point that Des is gone. From the having dinner at her place so we do not see the parents' home; to the prank on Sean who to me does not seem completely capable of processing pranks; to and pause for this one; her brother calling a guy who goes on a show that starts with dozens of women competing for him a playboy; to Sean having 'confused face' it seems clear Des has to go. If you call the guy who stars in the Bachelor a playboy, what does that make your sister who willing went on the show?

Just before we get to the decision making process of the Rose ceremony we get the Sean shirtless scene, I guess it was too much to hope a whole episode could go by without it. Before the announcements Des pulls Sean aside to apologize for her brother, could this be a game-saver? Note that both the girls who are on the chopping block are girls whose family members were not exactly supportive of their sisters.

Oooh drama, Sean puts down the rose and walks out. Back to the study to stare at pictures of the 2 girls that might be sent home, mysteriously they are both side by side on different shelves from the 2 girls that were already picked. And Sean sends Des home, presumably to beat her brother with a stick or a cricket bat (too soon?). 

I wonder if this means she will be the new Bachelorette.
Has this show just become a season long audtion for the show that I first started watching without ever even seeing a single episode of the Bachelor of Bachelorette...Bachelor Pad?
There is another episode on tonight, I hate myself but I know I will be watching it.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.