One word

Awkwaaaaaaaarrrrrrdddddd!

Apparently I am charasmatic...

When it comes to trying to hook my friends up at the bar...when it comes to myself, eh not so much.

Had to love meeting the Stanford girls while hanging out with the Berkley Kid.

Tomorrow feels like a Cougar hunt!

Selah.

So Beckham has officially arrived in America.

I really like the fact that Beckham will now be playing in LA, couple hours drive and I could go watch a game. All that being said, I lost a tonne of 'guy respect' for him when I discovered that he has a TRAMP STAMP! Click on view more pictures and you will clearly see it in the pictures that show his back.

I do not care that it is the name of his kid. A tramp stamp is a TRAMP STAMP!

(By the way I love them on chicks...but that is another story)

A funny video of Greg Oden...well if you know who he is

Shout out to my basketball heads like Baker, AXA and Scot T.

Can there really be any doubt at this stage that Greg Oden is 50? He does not know what a podcast is and he is a teenager? Come on that is hard to believe...I love the splicing in of the 'Pic' and the Humpty dance. Chris Paul's cameo was awesome.

Younguns, Scaring old ladies, and cranky weight loss.

Oh Emma Watson...April 15th next year cannot come soon enough. If you know what I mean by that then welcome aboard the "I am somewhat ashamed of myself cruise"

"I'ma kill you all, like o.j. Diss maganoo, for real you must pay"

So those lyrics jumped to my mind tonight while in the gym when this old lady gave me a horrified look, at first I was a bit confused then when I went to the restroom to wash my face I burst out laughing. I quite possibly looked like I was in their (stereotype) to rob the place: Braided hair all over the place, a beard that has not been shaved in almost a week so it still has the faint outline of the shaved in "gangsta lines" while carrying the unkempt look of the desperate and down on luck topped off with a raggedy t-shirt. All that was left for me to do to complete the experience would have been to ask her if I could 'walk her home'.

Just a warning to those that have to come in contact with me for the next week...I might be rather irritable. I need to shed about 10lbs in a week: So I bought pounds and pounds of fruit and veggies and will be cutting out refined sugar...yes I know I could have done this naturally and safely over a longer period of time, but what would have been the fun in that? My bro and I had a weight loss bet and he is ahead of my pace by 5lbs, granted in many ways the bet is unfair since I was sidelined for almost 3 weeks with an injury BUT "losers make excuses winners make it happen" so now I have to play catch up...

Things to consider 7.11

I cannot believe that I now actually have the valid concern of "I wonder if my hair is dry enough, so that I can lie down on my pillow"...I did not realize just how much hair I have until I took my braids out.

Apparently I got more sun than I thought last week since my forehead is now peeling like old wallpaper.

Today is going to be a great day gastronomically, Korean BBQ for lunch (mounds of meat) and then for dinner, Jerk BBQ chicken pizza with an Asian Salad (have to at least try to be somewhat healthy)

I should never ever...ever, 'eva eva' buy cookies again. White chocolate chip cookies were created by 'the man' to ensure that people like myself cannot fit into clothes. I bought a pack of cookies that claim 2 cookies per serving, 12 servings per package, last night. I now have about 4 servings left...damn it.

Either my cousin has been kidnapped by aliens or I am going to kill him for not staying in touch (yes I have conveniently forgotten that the phone works both ways...I am older by 4 months, just like my brother is older than his by a couple months...weird how that worked out...the younger should stay in touch with the elder...I called last)

SELAH.

Sick bastard had 'relations' with animals

I cannot understand what would make anyone consider having sex with an animal. It was no shock to me that a mental evaluation had been ordered. I really, really hope that (and sorry I know the animals are going to suffer for something that is not their fault - have to throw that in even though let us be honest if they were going to be slaughtered for food isn't that essentially the same thing?) none of those animals that were 'assaulted' will be used for food production.

Bought a toy today

So today I purchased a Transformer toy. My stated reason is that I purchased it to then give to a child, but now that I have played with it a bit...I am not so sure that I am ever giving this thing away...I forgot how much fun Transformers could be. Problem is, girls frown on seeing toys in a man's home and let us be honest I am single and cannot risk turning off any female stepping into my apartment.

Go see Transformers

Bloody worth it.

My 4th of July..bit long; ez to skim

The fourth of July was crazy this year, it is crazy every year but this year unlike last year (Bar Studies) I could actually attempt to enjoy it. Sand Assassin (“SA”) and I rolled out to the beach area like 1 out of every 2 San Diegans. Now I know not every one in SD could have been at the beach but it sure felt like that. The day actually kicked into high gear when I was told that one of my friends was hurt because her ex was now sleeping with her ‘mortal’ enemy and the enemy was now moving to another city to be with the ex. Of course that meant that SA and I had to drink in support of her – poor thing. You have to realize this was not a frienemies (friends in private enemies in public) situation this was actual hatred between the 2 girls and I am friends with everyone involved. On the plus side it gave me an opportunity to talk to peeps I had not talked to in awhile.

So SA and I rolled out to PB in the afternoon cocky and confident that we would find parking, well the cockiness never disappeared but the confidence definitely waned, cars were parked everywhere, some in such locations that you would have thought Lindsay Lohan was playing Valet in PB. We finally on a Cali J whim double backed to near the beach and lo and behold found a spot that someone must have just vacated – so we ended up with primo parking that we did not deserve, but the Cali J is blessed. Later in the day we met a meter MAID and asked HIM (yes they are all ‘maids’ in my mind) how many tickets he had given out, this was early in his shift and he had already given out over 100 parking tickets, he was one of a ton of meter maids that I saw…the city cleaned up yesterday.

I saw people charging amounts for parking that I thought was retarded like $90 and $70 and my thoughts were “No one will pay for that” I was wrong:
“Sup man”
“Hey”
“Seriously 70? Is anyone actually paying that?
“I have sold 2 spots already”
“Damn…ok keep doing your thing”

Thing is if you were willing to pay between $70 – 90 you might as well just find a spot near where you want to be and park illegally since the ticket for parking in the alleys was only $47 and according to the maid yesterday “Man I am seeing so many that I just let a few slide” (yet he had already given out over a 100).

Logistics aside it was definitely crazy once we got to the beach area, allow me a moment to lapse into the Cali J’s rap persona: “Damn G honeys were everywhere I mean everywhere, you couldn’t turn cause tits were all up under your chin, some of dem B’s were rocking ’fits that looked like they took my doo rag and made a pattern to cover some skin. I was in eye-candy heaven son, I mean G I looked and I looked and I saw more Silicone than di valley, all I wanted to say was ‘A bay bay, a bay bay’.” That is of course why I will never be a rapper, but in much more gentlemanly terms there were beautiful women (many artificially enhanced) everywhere however, I did not hit on any because I am lazy and had planned to meet a young lady that we had arranged some stuff with. BUT I am lazy and not willing to walk from PB to MB after a day of drinking…yes I am kicking myself now especially since the words on the phone during the middle of the afternoon were “I really want to see you, it has been too long since we saw each other.”

Ended up at my boy’s party on the beach that was ridiculously packed, thousands showed up, including an international DJ to spin on the 1s and 2s.
Quick synopsis:
- Some whore threw my boys $400 prescription glasses of the balcony, my words on hearing this “Did she break her back when you threw her after them?” If you are a regular reader you know I am not cool with just calling girls whores etc but this one had to be, you do not randomly throw someone’s glasses over a balcony no matter how drunk you are.
- Some idiot in a Mohawk got “Knocked the F out” A mini fight broke out, a good Samaritan came in to break it up, Mohawk guy tried to sucker punch the good Samaritan and missed (note if you try to sucker punch someone you BETTER connect or suffer the full deserved consequences). The good Samaritan then unloaded a punch on Mohawk that instantly broke his nose and sent blood everywhere (Yo SA I found blood on my shorts, I knew I felt a splatter during the incident), he then uncorked 3 more quick savage blows before being dragged down and Mohawk literally crumbled to the ground and went into the fetal position, it was over in an instant but damn it was like when Shamrock decided to trash talk Ortiz and looked for half the fight like he was going to leave in a body bag.
- SCARIEST MOMENT OF THE DAY…I got hit on by a high school girl. Quick disclaimer: nothing happened as soon as I figured things out I walked/ran away. So this is what transpired. While we were talking this girl mentions that she needs to stop drinking because she has to study I asked what she told me I then mentioned that it did not sound like a college course, she said she was a senior doing summer school, something clicked in my brain I asked where she said “X High School”. The worst part about that is that high school seniors do not do summer school so that meant she was actually a Junior heading into her senior year…I could not get away from her fast enough.
- Fireworks were alright, nothing spectacular; I am still waiting for the day they spell my name out.
- Ended the night finding out that my ex has been sleeping with some guy for 8 months and then came to me for advice re troubles – I am way too cool an ex.

Took a 3am walk

Had a rather interesting talk with the X while walking.

It has been a crazy week for girls that I used to date, hinted at dating, pretended to date or denied dating.

Happy 4th of July!

Go have safe fun peeps.

Just booked my rental car for the Family reunion. I think I have everything covered now: couple hotel rooms; so the parents have a spot and I have a spot: Flights booked for bro and I, rare that we travel together: and finally an SUV so that everyone can fit in the car and I can accomodate my mom's shopping parcels.

Really tempted to get Disney World tickets since I have never been to Disney Land or world...but I doubt I will.

"Pinche pendejo wey!"

Props to Minh for the link... Very funny video of a kid being an ass to his friend, it is not all bad, the fat kid ended up becoming a mini star and even got an ad out of it.


Link to the Ad

R Kelly is at it again.

But this time he has 'trapped' Usher with him.
As the folks on Best Week Ever mentioned, you have to love the fact that they toast over finding out that they were sleeping with the same girl...then again who does not do that?

Who says rap never has a positive message?

So I hate the fact that they drop the N-word constantly but beyond that it is a pretty funny video.


Props to the Rose bush for sending me this.

Happy Birthday...

Swiffer Sheet V.

By now I am sure you are so drunk that you would not be able to read this...

Shoshanna's a good girl who just wants to come and play...

Hahahah so start the lyrics to this little video, in my defense I was ill when I discovered the show it comes from but whatever I find it funny so I am posting it...do not judge me...I am still a man...oh and seriously before you judge me thinking I fell in love with some new pop tart please note that the vid is a comedy vid and not an actual music vid.



"Did you see that? I did...cadillac grill, cadillac truck, take her in the back 4 a caldillac F**K" So my ex and I disagree on the humor of this video, I think it is bloody funny since they describe Luda as an "Observational rapper" after all as pointed out "Move bitch, get out the way" was pretty self explanatory.

And the benoit case just gets weirder and weirder

Seems a bit strange...ok seems very strange

Maybe it is a sign that I am working too much:

I use auto bill pay for most of my bills so I tend not to see them for months until I check up on them just to make sure transactions are being made...tonight I checked on my electric bill (good thing too since it was not paid) and noticed that my total bill for 4 months including charges for late payments was only $75. This is even though I have had guests stay with me for probably a total of 7 weeks (granted one of them was also putting in crazy work hours also) the highest bill for any month was $17. In fact for a few months the charges for use were less than the administrative charges that come with bills...of course now I am worried that I am suddenly going to see a huge spike in my bill.

Oh well at least the cable company has decided to make sure that their bill keeps me grounded. I mean seriously how much do they really need to charge to stream HBO into my damn apartment?

Just booked flights for my bro and I to Orlando for our family reunion, I anticipate that being a crazy time, imagine placing a bunch of peeps as sarcastic as the Cali-J in one hotel and you will get an idea of how many bell hops might quit their jobs.

I also thought that flying to Orlando would be a lot easier than it apparently is. Despite the fact that I am leaving one major vacation destination for another I still could not get a direct flight, instead I have to connect in Cincinnati. No offense to Cincy but how on earth is there a direct flight to Cincy from SD and yet I could not go straight to Orlando? On my flight back...I stop in Denver. If these were the cheapest flights maybe that would make sense, oh well.

Burnt Orange for life, talent and a Benoit update

If you ever watch these 'talent shows' on TV whenever someone says they are multiple things e.g. this guy I am watching claimed "I am a singer, dancer, producer, choreographer, directory, techno star" they always and I mean ALWAYS FLOP!

Great picture from the boys over at Longhorn nation, the countdown is on. (edit) Baby girl I love you, but what you just said to me re the Horns is close to Heresy!

Some updates to the Benoit story...it honestly gets crazier and crazier! So much of this seems deliberate and I find it hard to blame 'roid rage' for a weekend of killing.

I have decided to add some material from the WWE website concerning the Benoit story. I should admit that Benoit was one of my favorite wrestlers but reading more and more about this guy makes me just wonder "what the hell man?"

The WWE has posted a time-line of events. It is crazy to me that he seemed more concerned about his dogs than his child. Note these text messages in the linked story:
Sunday, June 24, 2007

Text messages sent to co-workers from Chris Benoit and Nancy Benoit’s cell phones:

Text Message 1
Sent to: Two Co-Workers (the same who had verbal correspondence with Benoit the day before)
From: Benoit’s cell phone
When: 6/24 at 3:53am from
Message: C, S. My physical address is 130 Green Meadow Lane. Fayetteville Georgia. 30215

Text Message 2
Sent to: Two Co-Workers (the same who had verbal correspondence with Benoit the day before)
From: Benoit’s cell phone
When: 6/24 at 3:53am
Message: The dogs are in the enclosed pool area. Garage side door is open

Text Message 3
Sent to: Two Co-Workers (the same who had verbal correspondence with Benoit the day before)
From: Nancy Benoit’s cell phone
When: 6/24 at 3:54am
Message: C, S. My physical address is 130 Green Meadow Lane. Fayetteville Georgia. 30215

It is just too weird for me to comprehend...