Bachelorette 2xs in one week and I think I am going to gag.

I am ‘working’ from the library today, so watching this via the iPad app (yup that’s right, my cable is up and working and I am legit again). I requested a meeting room, and the lady who gave me the pass key looks me up and down and then hands me Room 420...I suspect she made assumptions (or it was just a coincidence). Good grief, this preview segment is going on 2 minutes 40 seconds - you are probably thinking that about this preview paragraph too, so off to the show.

They are in New England this week at the Mohegan Sun

Dylan gets the first one on one date - I confess I missed a portion of this, I really am working...I know you did not believe me.

Andi and Dylan will be on a steam train, the juvenile in me snickers when I think of Andi and a train. Wow she makes the terrible pun that their relationship “might pick up a little steam” 

They talk about their longest relationships: I realize that, I hate talking about my own bad breakups and hate hearing other peeps whine about theirs. Dylan plays the sympathy card and notes that his ex broke up with him the day after his brother’s funeral. He is also doing the heavy sigh, and look away routine, trying to play coy, it seems to be working.

The group date card arrives and it says “Whose got game?” if they cannot decipher that, they should just ask 1.0, he will know.

Back to Andi and Dylan ("Who are the 5 greatest rappers of all time?"), and he tells her that later she will see the real Dylan, she brings up a good point, “I want to see the real Dylan now”. Come on with it homie, there is only a finite time here. So of course he breaks down and tells her...his sister OD’d and it caused his brother problems (he was also a drug user), he ended up in a coma (100% brain dead) and if you read above you obviously know what the end result was. Well this is a bit of a downer. E texted me on Monday “When a guy on TV says I need to tell you XYZ, which isn’t something I don’t really tell anybody (except all of America going on 4 times now). Sigh. Do these people really not understand they’re on a tv show?” I am pretty sure she was watching this moment...and I agree, it felt like a sympathy ploy...and it works. Andi is giving him the rose and stressing to him that it is not a pity rose. Dylan to me looks like he would rather be elsewhere whenever Andi starts her speechifying.

He claims that Andi “cracked the emotional side of me” and I am in “one of the happier moments of my life”, all while maintaining the same blank expression - Are we sure he is not a sociopath? (Does that need an “Allegedly”?). HAPPIEST MOMENT

Group Date time:

And lo and behold it is a basketball game...one of the guys (Brian) is a basketball coach. They are playing against a collection of WNBA allstars and they are getting smoked. The girls are practically running a layup line. At one point the score is flashed as 30-08 you can guess the 30 point team. The game is so bad that Andi pretends that she is suddenly changing the plan and that she is going to allow the guys to play against each other - because the fact that there were jerseys for opposite teams just waiting for them in the locker room is a complete coincidence.

Brian actually tries to coach his team, he is drawing up plays...good luck with that. After this he should send his resume into the OKC Thunder, that would be the first time they ever saw a playbook. Andi is standing in between the WNBA players and she looks like a Lilliputian (google it, or crack a book).

 Now that they are not actually playing good players...the game is finally competitive. Thanks to bad knees I am pretty bad at basketball, but I could take the majority of these guys. Andi is turned on...shocking a DA becoming intrigued by competition.

The game is tied at the half 6-6, like I said competitive, I did not say good. Brian in the 2nd half takes over, Andi is starting to get flushed. Brian’s team also has 1.0 on it...and he gets a decent amount of screen time hmm no stereotype here. The team also has the meat head personal trainer that looks like Macklemore, and the professional adventurer it really does not seem fair.

We get many unnecessary shots of the losing team looking pissed off and expressing their anger at losing - like normal guys.

The winning guys get their evening date portion with Andi and Eric goes first, Andi notes that their is some stalling in their relationship - I know I am coming in clouded but now everything she says just seems tinged with doom. Eric brings up that he made a whole United States trip to see family members because he did not know when he would see them again (I almost wish they had edited that out).

Brian the coach gets his one on one time and he of course takes Andi to the basketball court, she expresses a lot of interest, she says “Stahhhpppp” a few times and clearly had a thing for her basketball coach in high school...she gives him every sign to kiss her, he even acknowledges it later in his confessional, she says it in hers and you even see her moving in for the kiss while he goes in for the hug. He even hit a half court shot with the hint that a kiss was on the line and he still did not go for it.

So the very next guy (Nick) on his one on one, immediately gets a kiss from Andi and I cannot help but think that was supposed to be Brian’s kiss and he just got her fired up for another guy. Bad job coach, guess this is why you are not a player. (Yes I hurt my shoulder patting myself on the back for that one.) By the way, Andi’s dress WHOOOO I am ashamed of Brian for not making out with her just for the dress. He at least gets the rose.

One on One:

The date card said “The sky is the limit” and Marcus looks nervous. Andi professes a fear of heights and then says “it is definitely something I requested” she wants to get out of her comfort zone and face her fear of heights…way to use the usual jumping, bungee, rappelling budget to your advantage. Has there ever been a season of this series that has not included something involving heights? I know in the past I have said the Bachelor/Bachelorette producers must own their own limo company by now, but now I think, they probably just own their own adventure company...I can imagine dozens of people who would go on excursions, just because it has the Bachelorette Brand attached.

Andi freezes on the top of the building, a natural fear I think, I sometimes think that attorneys have a harder time doing Daredevil type stuff because we over think it and start to think of all the flaws and dangers.

They rappel right past the rooms of all the other guys, Marcus asks Andi if she wants to kiss infront of the other guys, she smartly says no. But no big deal, she kissed him earlier and then of course kisses him on the ground.

On the evening portion of the date they toast and I notice that they have different wines, Marcus has a white wine and I like him more...fight the convention of everyone picking red wines...white wine is where it is at!!!!

Andi admits that guys have cheated on her, I wish I was shocked. At the end of dinner they go to a concert by a country act (Jon Pardi) that I just do not know, they dance on a platform surrounded by other people in the casino while the act ‘serenades’ them? They of course kiss a lot in front of the ‘concert goers (yes I am skeptical), totally normal for a date.

(Notice the Margaritaville sign)

The rose ceremony approaches and Andi’s boobs (I already miss you Community) are pinched into a dress (in her confessional). But we cut back to her in a hotel room and she is reading a love letter (the video shows a white hand writing it…[could be creative editing] which rules out 1.0).

The guys all try to steal time, to talk to Andi. Brian takes Andi back to the court telling her he regretted not kissing her and Andi says “thank god” and pulls him in for the kiss.

Marquel works for the UFC and he claims he is going to show her moves to defend herself, I am sure none of that has anything to do with her having to touch him repeatedly. (I got that gif from http://blog.chron.com/tubular/2014/06/the-bachelorette-the-most-awkward-goodbye/#23310103=0&23524105=0&23722101=1 I do not know if it is theirs originally but I love it, whomever came up with it.)

Eric then interrupts.

He tells Andi that she has a poker face, this pisses Andi off I would say this was a bad decision, but since we all know he made a worse one later this just seems like a blemish. Andi starts crying and yelling and the guys in the other room can hear her breaking down. Eric insinuates that she is acting for the cameras (way to blow the premise sir). Andi “I cannot fight for someone who does not believe in me” you can slowly see the dawn of realization on Eric’s face as he realizes that he said the wrong thing in his attempt to come across as ‘the real guy’.

Andi gives the group a speech that this is all real to her (she messed up and did not say the right reasons, so a tonne of viewers did not get to take a shot) and that if anyone thinks she is not there to find love they should just leave now. Ouch Eric on his outbound confessional says “love is the reason to live”...I really am surprised they didn’t edit out more parts of his stay, then again in the grand scheme his stay was brief.

Instead of the rose ceremony the last minutes of the show are filled with a conversation between Andi and Chris Harrison discussing Eric. I do wonder how Andi feels since it (and it could be editing) looks like her last words to Eric were filled with anger, at least they hugged on the break. This little featurette feels forced and unnecessary. We find out that production found out about the death of Eric during the hometown dates. We are also told that Tasos was the other guy sent home. I wish they would do this show like wrestling, never send the fans home unhappy, cut to a fun scene or something, but alas...At least it was followed by an episode of Mistresses (which *cough* *cough* I obviously do not watch).

The Bachelorette on Sunday? We get 2 nights of this drivel?

I hate myself, I hate my life right now, I am eating cupcakes and about to watch the Bachelorette LIVE...why live? Because I cannot find my cable modem and thus cannot use my DVR and thus I hate myself. Just watching the, ‘Coming up on the Bachelorette’ makes me think I may not make it through.

They start the evening in Santa Barbara, Andi makes it seem as if it is an ocean away from LA and not just up the coast. Chris Harrison tells the guys the plan is to meet Andi in SB and the guys really sound like they are grunting.

I really hope Gus and Sean show up...I want a murder!

One on One -

Andi goes bike riding with Nick claiming it is a normal chill day, (you know minus the dozen cameras, the whole event being set up by someone else and the staying in Santa Barbara). A couple of the guys start talking about Nick behind his back, this is what we have been missing - pettiness. Andi and Nick go on a hike at Lizard’s Mouth trail I am a bit jealous, it is a decently rated hike, and last time I was in SB I ran out of time to go...I may digress alot on this blog with no one in the room to keep me focused.

With no DVR I am forced to watch the Suave commercials with former Bachelor contestants...I want to punch my TV...the hair dresser’s 'chat' in this is so fake and the acting is not even porn level worthy. Hmm Mistresses is back...just kidding, no way would I admit to watching that in public...no way. If I do not find my modem by tomorrow afternoon I am going to have to buy one immediately, these commercials are just so bad.

Nick admits to being engaged prior to meeting Andi I zone out using my phone to search for Modems.

A group date card arrives and a couple guys look less than pleased to be on the group date. Nick gets the rose and just like his first impression rose, I still do not get it. They make out at the top of a clock tower…”Kissing Nick is Ahhh-may-zing”. Sigh, she is a lawyer.

Group Date

The 1.5 black guys are on this date and Andi says “today we are going to separate the Boyz from the Men”...and I am really curious as to how the .5 is going to react when he sees the group 1.0 definitely reacts excitedly, .5 does not seem to have a reaction at all...the Opera guy sings a bit of opera (yup it is getting old quickly).

Want to see three guys who quickly realized their career is in a bad place?

The guys start vocal training with Boyz II Men (B2M) and it is as terrible as you expect it to be. .5 actually gets some screen time even if it is only to show that he cannot sing. Turns out that Andi is also a terrible singer. Seriously though...what happened to the bassist from B2M? (I know the wikipedia answer but that seems so very fishy).

The B2M concert begins and the guys are jamming out in the crowd waiting their turn while wearing B2M gear from the 90s, 

Chris Harrison introduces the group which make me think this was not a real concert...The opera singer leads off, not sounding as good as he thinks he does, but then the rest chip in and I see why he might think he sounds great, 1.0 ends his portion of the song and .5 takes it up...coincidence? A few of the guys forgot the words, they were only given a line or 2 and they forgot the words? Andi does not sing I guess they realized how bad she was and decided not to risk it.

I liked this tweet

The evening portion of the date begins - Andi decides to mess with Codi, claiming that some guys told her that he has a girlfriend, he reacts well looking like he was genuinely hurt that anyone would claim that...I was half hoping he would fess up to having one. Some one on one time with Eric he says the words “is it weird…” and I cannot help immediately saying, “Yes, because I know you are dead”

[Date card shows up and JJ the Pantsrapreneur gets the one on one. ]

Marcus tells Andi that he has wanted to kiss her for awhile and that brute force attack works...she then immediately kisses the next guy (Josh M) on camera (see Marcus, it was special). Josh gets the rose, does that mean he was the better kisser?

One on One date:

JJ shows up in some not so great pants...makes me wonder about his job title. His date with Andi has them being transformed by makeup artists into old people, because Andi wants to see how they would look if they grew old together...because this is science. 

They then go out in Santa Barbara to try to fool people, I feel bad for JJ since he has to hunch over to walk with Andi.

.5 gets a phone call that he does not want the camera to follow him on. It appears to be emotional news so of course we cut to commercial.

We cut back to Andi and JJ and they are now pretending to be athletic old people 

JJ asks if he can “steal a kiss” you are not stealing a kiss sir if you ask...but of course she kisses him - we are talking about Andi here.

A cut back to .5 who since he is going through an emotional moment I have to call by his real name - Ron has to leave because of death to a close friend...jeez even when we do not get voted off black people can never seem to stay on this show...really wish Armani and E were with me now, I would love to see their reaction.

Back to Andi and JJ and they are clearly having fun on their date, the problem with this is that this cheesy date does not translate well to TV, I would rather follow Ron’s limo back to wherever he has to go. I am impressed that Ron; A. did not make his exit overly dramatic and B. did not appear to hesitate when the choice to go home came.

During commercials I have been digging through boxes looking for my modem...I suddenly find it and could not be happier, I mean I have a mini chub I am so happy. Cannot risk setting it up now since I am so close to the end of this terrible show, but oh man as soon as this thing is off I am connecting!!!!

JJ and Andi are doing the evening portion of their date and I am staring at my new apartment debating where to set up the modem. I was so annoyed at myself earlier for being a pack rat (and I am still saddened by it) but thankfully that pack rat mentality is why I found the modem. Jeez this show is boring, I keep talking about my modem instead of it. JJ pretends that he is insecure, sure you are homie...it works - he gets the rose. I eat my 4th Klondike ice cream bar of the day, I am going to be at the gym for 3 hours tomorrow.

Andi addresses the Ron situation and manages to make it about herself...impressive. Hmm my Chromebook does not have an Ethernet port, guess I am not ditching my Windows laptop immediately. Eric is on a one on one with Andi and then a huge bouquet of flowers from Nick arrives, it leaves Eric speechless...well done Nick - it earns him a kiss, though we now know those are not special.

During his one on one Marquel asks Andi what her favorite color is, she says "Black, is black a color?" Marquel has a huge grin and I await a text from E...she does not fail me - "Bow chicka bow wow"...I know her so well

Andrew apparently hit on a waitress one of the nights the group was out, he got her number and brought it back to show the other guys...if that really happened, could he have been that dumb? He is confronted by the 2 guys that already have roses. They of course tell him, that they are there for the right reasons! Andrew walks off with the guys chasing after him telling him to be a man. Commercial break, we come back and he is still hidden in his room...by this point in 'Love and Hip Hop' punches would already have been thrown, come on Andrew, come out swinging.

He finally comes out of his room, (his speech seems rehearsed) he claims that the waitress just handed him the number (he is not good looking enough for that) and that what all the guys remember is wrong. Andrew does the move of confronting the accusers and trying to belittle them I have used that move...not saying it is the best move it is just a move I am very familiar with.

None of the guys tell Andi about the Andrew situation and the rose ceremony begins.

1.0 aka Marquel gets his rose (I know, I know it is terrible of me to track his progress). The final rose is down to Andrew, the opera singer and I think the hair stylist, for the sake of drama and my peace of mind, I want the opera singer to go and for Andrew to get it...it works out. The opera singer gets booted on the episode that had a singing competition - glorious.

The preview for tomorrow has Andi yelling at someone and it is clearly not Marquel...ask me how I know.

The blooper reel shows the guys singing B2M’s ‘I’ll make love to you” I think that song is ruined forever, btw Mistresses premiers tomorrow...just saying.

Bachelorette, season 10 episode 2 a stripped down review!

We are watching a day late because VEGAS baby, and E and Armani have trapped me once again into doing this via a Bachelorette viewing party. The promo starts with another clip of Eric (the guy who died) and it gets creepy.

A guy flashes on screen for mere seconds and E yells “that Dude is so gay…” told ya. Andi arrives to pick up Eric and Armani brings up a good point “Why are they all shirtless?” Andi and Eric go to the beach, and Andi parks in the red - so blatant that she doesn’t have to plan anything...would be awesome if she got towed.

And the Bachelorette’s helicopter budget kicks in, Andi lets us know that this is her first time on a helicopter “and on a first date no less”, way to show us that you didn't plan this. They land on a snow capped mountain, (Bear Mountain) and the snow is fake (hate to let you non-Cali peeps in on this, but it was a horrible year for snow) and so hard, Andi could barely pick it up to do the obligatory snow ball fight.

They are given a lesson on Snowboarding...by the “ultimate boarder type dude” (Louie Vito - snowboarder Olympian and Dancing with the Star's contestant [ABC synergy]) then hot chocolate on the slopes. They then go to a cabin and we in the living room discuss doing Bachelorette bingo. We also decided that we could not take shots on certain phrase ('Right reasons', 'amazing' etc...for me it is now 'Stop' and 'Y'all') Andi calls Eric a Renaissance man proving the phrase is over-used and she doesn't know what the phrase actually means. Eric tells Andi of his trip to Syria, I know it is a heart tugging story, but all I can think is - this is a guy that put himself and others in danger for the thrill of travelling the world...in many ways it is selfish and foolish.

I miss much of this date because we are all discussing his death, and I look it up (Paragliding in Utah).

Group date time -

It is something peeps are hesitant to talk about but the Bachelorette always objectifies men pretty quickly, they always, always have to get shirtless, this is terrible, when will we stop slut-shaming our men??? (some of that is tongue in cheek, but it is pretty blatant, we would never see the Bachelor tell the group of girls to strip...then again let's see what happens when the ratings dip).

So the guys are going to work at a male Revue, they are split into groups, Firefighters, Army men, Cowboys etc…one of the geniuses asks of the actual firefighter in the group…”Are these real?” while holding a clearly fake fireman’s helmet.

We get to watch the guys practice their moves...they are not good. Craig is more interested in how the other guys look than in how he himself is performing. We see Chris Harrison smacking a guys ass.

Apparently the club allows in sub-21 girls *I saw the huge X on her hand!

Sharleen (Oprah singer) and Kelly (dog lover?) from last season were allegedly back to help Andi judge the guys dancing...I thought Sharleen was supposedly working in Europe when the Bachelor was filmed - guess that is done

Craig the accountant appears sauced early in the evening portion of the group date...foreshadowing.

The former 'pro-athlete' tries to hint strongly that his career was better than it was, and of course Andi admits to having dated a few pro athletes. While we cut to the accountant getting more and more drunk.

The next solo date card arrives and the guy claims “Andi is the greatest girl in the world” yup the girl you have spent zero time with.

The opera singer is singing - that is going to get old fast. Armani “that guy is not getting the rose”

Andi allows Craig to ask any question he wants and he asks “what is your worst thing about your parents...How is that? Boom” Every season there is someone who gets blitzed and makes an ass of himself, last year it was the Brazilian girl, this year it is Craig...who no one rational could hire at this point right?

Andi really looks amazing in that dress, I could see why guys act dumb around her, though that may be unfair here, alot of these guys are probably already dumb.

 Another one on One

The farmer gets the one on one date and they go to Santa Anita race tracks and the farmer shows up in a casual shirt and shorts so we get a makeover - this show is really running out of ideas. He looks very uncomfortable in a suit. They really are recycling the old tropes, the couple meets an older couple that have been together for ever (obvious plants). Armani, “They probably are not even married, they are just actors”. ‘

The right reasons phrase has been used a tonne tonight...the farmer brings up that he was previously engaged - why? Who does that on a real first date? E brings up the lack of chemistry between the 2 while Andi in her confessionals keeps talking about how great they are together.

The tradition continues, no one in our group knows who the musical group is ‘This Wild life’ but Andi and the farmer kiss.

It is getting close to rose ceremony time and Marquel is wearing a tie that is so bad I almost want him booted off the show. Andi walks in with a really low cut dress and quite a few guys blatantly stare straight at her boobs. One guy was so blatant I am not sure if he knows if Andi was bald tonight or not. Despite the massive cleavage plunge, it really is a terrible dress, is it bedazzled?

The awkward quick hits begin, all the guys vying for the time to pull Andi to the side and to quickly tell her their life story...DON’T CAREEEEEEE!!!

Marquel adds to the wildness of his outfit by debuting some socks that he is blatantly showing off by keeping his pants leg high.

A guy breaks out sock puppets, another breaks plates with Andi, Armani (on fire tonight) “Those are total white guy moves, no black guy is doing sock puppets and breaking plates”. Then again prior to last week I probably would have said no black guy would lead with a cookie party.

Andi kisses guy number 2 and the show amps the sound on the kiss.

Craig breaks out a guitar and surprises us all by actually being funny with the song.

Rose Ceremony time

Chris Hanson does the move of pretending that these moments are serious...hard to believe that we are only 2 episodes in and I take so much joy out of these guys' discomfort. The 1.5 black guys get roses early proving me right that no way were they going this soon in the season.

The show is really playing up the fake drama of the guys waiting for their roses. Down to the final rose and the Opera guy gets it...displeasing E greatly “He is such a tool”. Unfortunately we are losing Craig.

The golfer gets the boot, and looks close to tears. Craig realizes that getting trashed was not the best plan.

Apparently other peeps have noticed that Andi says "stop" alot

In the previews we see Andi kissing a tonne of guys.

The outtake shows the golfer being really funny in his stripper robot outfit

The Bachelorette is back and she is an attorney (former attorney?) (pretend attorney?) oh well she is Andi

So the Bachelorette is back tonight and Armani and I headed to E’s to watch it...I have become that thing I fear a person having a Bachelorette party. We are drinking wine, eating chips and consuming Brownie Brittle what has happened to me? We discuss the fact that the ads/write ups for this season are not promising. The show starts on a somber note, a dedication to the guy who died shortly after filming. Then we get B reel that was similar to last year’s with Andi in a real courtroom with a fake setting. We all notice that there is a witness allegedly testifying TO AN EMPTY court, as in not only are there no people in the courtroom to follow proceedings, there is NO opposing counsel...could they not have afforded one more extra?

We see Andi quitting her job, she does not expressly say this, but she is clearly quitting since she is cleaning out her office. Andi does her bachelor photo shoot with fake law books in the background. Armani brings up a great point “Who has law books anymore…” and I respond with “Or at least that many”.

Andi’s sis is there to help her prep for the first night and she asks “How many guys are you going to kiss?” E yells “all of them” Why do you need a pep talk to go into the first night? At this point shouldn’t you have figured this out, at least before quitting the job and before flying cross country. She and her sister spend a lot of time picking out a gold dress and agreeing on it as the one, it looks great – this is NOT the dress she wears.

The guys start arriving

E does a terrible thing - She pauses it and asks “How many black guys?” I hedge and say “I want an over/under of 1.5” Armani takes “1”.

A guy gets out and E and I both yell “A farmer!??!”

JJ steps out and his listed job is “Pantsapreneur” 
Armani was the one to spot it, his words “hey can you rewind for a second I want to see what this idiot's job is”...he was right to request it.

A black guy steps out and E yells ONE, I then say “Crap I am very worried, this is too soon for the first one” my over/under is not looking good.

The personal trainer meat head has the douchey hair cut, pushes the limo and has his collar popped on a suit...I kid you not. In fact, if you look at the gif when he finishes pushing the limo, he re pops the collar to make sure.

An attorney steps out and poses “may I approach the bachelorette?” then tries attorney humor and I hang my head in shame. Armani “If it is one thing I promise, that guy is not gonna get picked”

A guy steps out of the limo with a football and I immediately think he is playing on the JP was a douche to Andi let me prove I am better thing and I turn out to be right.

“Anal with an M” is how a guy describes his name - E thinks he looks like a dad (she has daddy issues).

 

And then Armani and I both let out a groan that is reminiscent of watching Lebron kill the Spurs in game 7...a black guy walks out and E starts yelling “I WIN, I WIN” I refuse to yield that quickly, I am pretty sure this guy is half and thus my 1.5 will endure.

The guy the show is dedicated to finally steps out and E yells “DEAD”  thus I refuse to get emotionally invested in him.

Sooooo we think quite a few of these guys might be gay. With this show becoming more and more of a launching pad to club promoting and other reality programming (probably always was but I recently started watching (sigh it has already been a couple years - I hate myself)) I would not be surprised if gay men came on for a moment of fame with no care for the bachelorette. 

A guy leads with “My mom absolutely loves you”...Andi notes that he is my type but there is a reason why I am single and still here so maybe my type is going to change, and then they immediately cut to Andi with one of the black guys (Marquel). E immediately points out the contrast and maybe, just maybe this is the change! He takes her to a cookie tasting (weird but she seems to like it).

So Eric is on screen talking about his global odyssey and that it will take 2 more years...and we sigh in the living room because “Sorry homie, you are never going to make it”

A former cast member (Chris B) appears on the show and we see him talking to security, 
he is apparently trying to get on the show...they have to check in with Chris Hanson (apparently he runs the show, not the producers). He brought flowers for Andi but the security guard says he is going to take them to his wife (do it sir, do it - until the show airs your wife will not know that they are unofficial Bachelorette Roses).

Chris Hanson tells Andi, that Chris B. is here to see her, but he is clearly mocking Chris B as he tells Andi about him. Andi chooses not to add him to the cast. But Chris B keeps telling Chris H that he cannot leave without seeing her, he claims to have been there for 7 days waiting hoping to see her. E points out that they are playing super sad music. He initially claimed he would stay there till they allowed him to see her, that plan failed.

Andi talks to the farmer and pretends she knows and cares about farming, but all she describes is camping.

Nick V gets the first impression rose and he doesn’t know what he did to get it which jives with the 3 of us in the living room, because none of us know either.

The rose ceremony begins and E wonders out loud if Chris B is going to sneak in again with his own rose pinned to his jacket.

Both black guys get roses (well 1.5) and the non-black people in the living room start making a tonne of funny comments...I am too defeated to give them ‘Angry black guy’ stare - Mainly because I am laughing.

The douchey personal trainer gets a rose and we all groan. It seems all the long haired guys are getting cut (sorry couldn’t resist the pun). Thankfully the attorney is cut, I do not need people seeing him on this show and thinking that is all of us.

The previews for the upcoming episodes show Andi kissing alot of guys (guess her sis knew).

We also see scenes of Andi giving monologues and of male-tears - melodrama

 Gifs from http://www.buzzfeed.com/toddb17/ranking-all-25-limo-introductions-from-the-bachel-dhd4

and 

http://thewannabes.org/2014/05/20/the-bachelorette-a-night-in-gifs/ (people much more technically gifted than I am). 

A Cowherd rant causes me to rant - thanks Ben

My friend Ben and I ridicule the fact that I occasionally listen to Colin Cowherd. The problem is, I hate dead periods of no sound, I am clearly addicted to sonic assaults and need stimulus when doing menial tasks like showering etc., so I listen to a lot of sports talk radio. Usually in the mornings I listen to Dan Patrick but sometimes 9more and more infrequently) during the commercial breaks on that show I switch to ESPN radio. Which leads to this rant: 

 I wonder if Cowherd is espousing his idiotic rants all show or do I just happen to catch them; I lit on his show for a minute or 2 and heard this (may not be verbatim but the gist is close) "When I give talks at colleges (if my college had him talk I would be ashamed) I ask the guys in the audience 'who here has girlfriends?' those are the guys I say will be able to work in radio, they are closers. It is the same with Johnny Football, he always has a hot girl with him, you know he is a closer, he talks to any girl" - so forget for a second that he is a QB at a football mad school, just remember he is a QB!!!! Then remember that he is rich, and in college at a football mad institution. Remove the football but keep his same build and we have a young man in college who is athletically built and rich, remove the rich and we have a young man in college that is athletically built, I guess I do not know what Cowherd's college lifestyle was like but I know in my college years, being fit got you a tonne of girls, rich, poor or middleclass. 

Let us not forget Johnny Manziel became so popular at that sorry institution for higher learning (I feel the need to do that Journalist trick of outlining my bias by noting that I went to UT) that they allowed him to take all online courses so that he would not be a distraction to fellow students. If the guy so popular that he has to take online classes cannot get a hot girl it would be an indictment on him as a man, not as a football player.  And so what if he is a closer with the ladies, does that extend to his ability on the football field? Recent history has shown that a tonne of average to middling players have clearly been closers with the ladies and it has NOT helped their on field production. See for instance Mr. Travis Henry he of the allegedly 11 kids by 10 women as of right now...or if you want a different sport try Jason Caffey who up to last year was at the count of 10 children by 8 women. 

Before any racists decide to jump in here and start to spout that it is only the black guys with a tonne of children outside of marriage (while ignoring that the leagues are predominantly black) I give you Scott Skiles 6 kids,