Infrequently updated consistently funny

Saturday, June 23, 2007

So I got molested at the bar tonight...

Sounds like a line, but sadly it is true. My boys were cracking up as some very drunk female who thought I was her co-worker began to grope me.

(To the person I was talking to on the phone...I meant every word I said...even the apology re the Ninja Turtle)

I also got grabbed by a russian girl while waiting to cross the street - that was funny.

Nothing like free alcohol to spur myself and the Persian Mafia to immediately chug, like alcohol was a scarce commodity that could only be saved by us consuming as much as possible of it, in a short amount of time.

Here is hoping I do not regret the "calling to make sure you got home safe" call

Asking "Do you shave your legs?" is probably not PC, but I think it is a very important and legitimate question.

You know you are consuming too much red bull when your heart begins racing.

I make an awesome jerk-bbq chicken pizza (just had to throw that in here since I discovered that b4 hitting the bar to night, and because the 'ninja-turtle lover' called me while I was grilling so I expect her to see this and be ashamed of her ever questioning my cooking skill)

This is probably horrible of me but...everytime I see a cute/hot girl take off her glasses and then shake her hair out, I suddenly think of skinimax...if you know why, then welcome to my twisted world.

Declaring "And you know I look good in pink" is not cocky, it is confident.

Dan is NOT safe around any girl you are hitting on...shout out to Bex on this one.

Watching Sand Assassin trying to make sure that peeps I introduce him to at the bar learn his real name is bloody funny.

Watching AXA allow me to call him Armani when introducing him to new people is cool, take a memo SA!

Finally, when a girl is actively rubbbing her boobs against your chest and grinding her crotch into yours, having her purr "I like you because my brother and you have the same name" is guaranteed to ensure that you do not have to worry about anything inappropriate 'popping up'.

--SELAH

2 comments:

swiffer sheet V said...

First, it is not molestation if you enjoy it, whether or not you enticed the person to do. Secondly, how do you know the girl was Russian. Lastly, it is kind of disgusting a girl would chose a guy because you have the same name as her brother. Is she from Arkansas? Incest?

aarond said...

I knew it was Russian cause I know women and Russian women (По-русски). Plus a girl in the group said it. It was molestation! Hahah re where she is from...she was kind of cute though, damn I am a sucker for girls flicking hair.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.