Infrequently updated consistently funny

Monday, June 23, 2008

"Kobe tell me how my a@@ tastes" --Shaq and the Cali J loses weight

Looks like the feud has not ended!
But we will get to that in a second. I am worn out 2nite. Hit the gym, and tried to double the size of my chest in one night (it did not happen). I know I have not been giving regular updates on my gym progress but that is because I have set goals for the Sept 24th deadline and while I am on pace for them, I figured no need to give constant updates. Anyway I will just give a basic run down of how it goes.

My goal has been to get down to 185lbs by the 24th (should be a national holiday, but that will prolly happen when I die). I am a couple months ahead of schedule on that goal, not there yet, but closer than I thought. Note I am coming down from 232, when I started the goal, and a high of 236 at one point.

My strength has improved, my speed has improved and my stamina has improved. Sadly those who know me in person, know my knees are shot but even with my 80 year old knees I have improved.

I have suffered a variety of injuries, which is of course to be expected when you set a goal to lose almost 50lbs. I had stress fractures in both feet (horribly painful), I rolled my right ankle so badly that for awhile I thought I had torn a tendon. My chest and arm routine took a hit when I suffered a dislocation of my shoulder (not the first, so something I was able to deal with and did not cause depression). The latest set-back was the infamous late night cracked toe. Nothing like kicking a laptop (accidentally) while barefoot to ensure that you are not running for a month.

I can finally do sit ups without looking around for a sip of water and a break.

I can finally break a 10 minute mile, again for most peeps that is no biggie, but if you had my knees and were coming from where I am coming from you would be ecstatic.

(I should add, when I was fitter, I would routinely do 8 minute miles, even though I jogged every day while in high school, I could never do fast miles, I suspect 8 minute miles will be the goal for next year - oh and look morons out there...before you say something dumb like..."who cannot run an 8 minute mile?" I can run one now, but what good is that? At the end of that 8 minute mile my work out would be OVER! No way am I running a sub-8-minute mile and continuing cardio for the day. So rather than running for speed, I currently run for stamina and fat burning, when I do my marathon at age 35 [mark your calendar Jackie, you are doing it with me] I will then show off my speed)

I can do cardio-Kick boxing without feeling fatigued, yoga no longer tires me, I kill the bike in spinning class, I can finally swim a mile, I no longer wheeze like a smoker going up stairs (never smoked in my life). And I love, absolutely love stepping into some of the back and leg machines at the gyms and selecting their maximum weights.

Now I need to strip the outlying layers of fat and improve the chest work-out and I will have completed all my goals.

Shotta, Assassin and female-me, I hope you guys are keeping your regimens up too!

The Shaq-Kobe feud has always amused me. Some of the things that they fight about amuse me and I love the fact that because those 2 could not get along the Spurs had a much easier route to the finals for years. Look, Shaq+Kobe + harmony would have always been a title threat. The biggest problem for Kobe in this feud is that Shaq is inherently likable and Kobe is not. Kobe just rubs peeps the wrong way. Hell even his nickname (SELF IMPOSED) of the Black Mamba just came off forced and stilted and quite frankly ridiculous. Shaq gives himself a new nickname every year and hell nicknames half the league (Tim Duncan aka the big Fundamental to name one) and they crack peeps up.

Anyway Shaqs latest salvo in the feud is below. Shaq claims it was all in fun and no ill-will was decide.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.