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Monday, May 19, 2008

My final (hopefully) Flavor of Love review! Plus some muppets!

It begins with our hero saying, "This is the final season finale of Flavor of Love" hmm, maybe until Flav needs money? Then again he has a sitcom now...

Ok this is going to be a horrible mixing of classic shows. Everytime I watch and see Thing 2 (and it was the same for when NY was on the show) all I can sing is "Dance your cares away, Worry's for another day. Let the music play, Down at Fraggle Rock. Down at Fraggle Rock" look I know she looks like a muppet, but for some reason those shows are always linked together in my mind - probably because of the Jim Henson ties.

I know you might not believe me when I say she looks like a muppet so your man has come with proof (oh no, I am definitely starting to talk like Flav, I need to crack open a book of Shakespeare). Ok click on this link for a picture of a muppet Now click on this one for a picture of Thing 2. To be honest I was tempted to link both to the muppet, but then they are practically the same thing anyway.

I love the fact that Flav made Black and Sinceer argue it out for a spot to stay...nothing like a fun intelligent cat fight...hahahah (I wrote those words and I am being sarcastic but even as a joke they still look horrible).

Flav takes Black on a helicopter ride, and then INHALES her whole mouth...seriously, what the hell! How could he be this old, and hav kissed this many women and not know that there is no need to swallow her face...or maybe he has the right technique?

Hahah, Flav fell asleep while they are on their date. The young lady is shocked. I cannot understand why she is shocked? Flav is as old as her dad, and it is the afternoon, old people like to SLEEP in the afternoon.

Flav: You banging, but most of all, you banging on the inside...
Black: That meant alot to me cause I know I have a lot to offer, other than my looks?

Yup, you are right, you have the ability to be easily impressed to offer, the ability to not question the fact that you are dating a man that looks like a 5 foot 6 cockroach, a man who just fell asleep on your date.

I feel bad for her right now (and that is hard for me), Flav just demanded that she tell a joke and she drew a blank. Here is the thing, I am a naturally funny guy (and modest too) but everytime someone demands that I tell them a joke I draw a blank. I think I give them a better look than the deer in the headlights look that Black had, but I still draw a blank.

"I am going to end this date with a night cap in my room, will you join me?" I think by now the words are like a legal statement required by VH1 so no one claims any coercion later, but never have I even for a moment expected one of these 'ladies' to say no, that kind of saddens me, it has destroyed my illusion of their chastity. I need a moment, Black is about to be deflowered in the tower (ignore the fact that she already has a 6 year old kid).

Jelaine said that Flav looks like a pimp...and you cannot disagree with that, granted my claiming that he has a 'stable of hos' was a mere confirmation. I know I did not have to put that whole line in, but this is my SHOUT OUT to Jelaine!

Shout out to Kami too, she was one of the first to agree with me re the muppet, as well as be my constant back and forth analyzer re shows. (Sorry Erin no shout out to you tonight, this is not an Idol blog)

Back to the show, Flav and Thing 2 are taking a tour, of Paris, and at one point they pass the police station and VH1 cuts to old footage of flav being taken out of a police station in handcuffs. I bet you do not get this on 'The Bachelor', I can only guess, I have never watched that show, must be too classy for me. Did they just show Flav littering as he exited the tour bus? Yup rewound it, they did, come on dude, you are being taped, have some class. You know, like having sex in the dark with the cameras still in the room.

Hahahah The Door man said "Prince, I love your music, Purple Rain is my favorite album" maybe we all do look alike? Maybe he is just a moron? Maybe Vh1 just put fake words on the screen? Nah, could they really take that chance with so many French speakers in the world? I spoke the barest minimum of french in high school, I guess I could go back on the tape a couple or 20 times and figure out what he said, but I am too lazy for that.

Wow Thing 2, he gives you a watch, and you ask this question: "this is for me, like I can take it and put it on my wrist and it is mine for ever?" Does this chick not get the concept of gifts, or does she not get the concept of a watch? I mean she did ask if it should be put on her wrist!

Are we sure this is Thing 2? How do we know Thing 1 did not lose weight and show up? I mean, when Flav asked her what does she like to do, her response was "I like to eat." I'm not saying, I'm just saying!

OH WOW, Thing 2 just told him "No" re his night-cap! Hell even Flav just said it "No girl has ever said no to a night cap in the history of Flavor of Love" A lesser man than me would go back and remove a few paragraphs in this blog, but I standby them...then again, I am still blogging who knows I might remove my declaration of always knowing what the girls would say to the night-cap offers. After all, who could factor in the reason she gave for not doing the night-cap. Not because it is wrong, not because she wants to wait for the right time, but because she got eliminated once and does not want to fall for him again...uhmm did u not come back to the damn show?

Flav is wearing a crown and all I can think of is "Dunce Cap"

"I hope that my man Flav is smart enough to choose someone with a big heart, instead of bigger boobs" This girl should write for the President.

Oh they are making their last speeches, I am getting choked up right now, ok not really, in fact watching these girls try to give sincere (whew nearly spelled it like the girl's name) speeches is as painful as watching Barbara Walters try to talk about sex.

Quick aside: Barbara Walters is a freak, you know it, I know it, and a certain Black Senator who thought he had her keeping things on the creep knows that we all know it now.

Look anytime a man wears a clock, he is going to look ridiculous but this clock tonight is extra special (like short-bus special)

And of course the gold fronts were presented as a gift. Nothing says love like periodontitis.

Damn I just wrote the title of the blog and now see that the reunion special is coming up next week...

I wonder how Thing 1 is going to handle all of this!


Abeni said...

Thing 2 won? I fell asleep...sigh...Brilliant review as always..Fraggle rock,fraggle rock

Jelaine said...

Thanks for the shout out. I feel so special.
Now we just need to catch the reunion show to see Sinceer explain herself. The only thing she can boast about is that she lasted longer than Seesinz.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.