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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My ode to Valentines Day…

YOU SUCK…no I am not jaded in fact most years I try to avoid having a significant other around this time of the year (this year I have no choice). But I truly hate what this (fake) holiday does to people especially the weak minded. The day and its commercial backers try to push the value of a relationship and the need to give gifts (cleverly disguised as expressions of love) to those who we care about it…I say a plague on you Hallmark and all your ilk.

I had thought of throwing a Valentines day Bar Review for us all to get together; singles and couples to have fun on the day and then I thought better of it because it felt like I would be promoting the day (plus I am lazy, planning one bar review a week is enough for me) that I despise.

If you enjoy the one you are with then show them that love year around; oh and screw that whole “It’s just a day to take time out and show them extra attention etc” NO! Because if you have been treating your significant other right the whole year around, you do not need to lavish them with extra attention on a random day, that’s what their Birthday, your anniversary and Christmas are for (or you could be like me and never know when your anniversary is, so that you have to be nice for the whole damn month that you think your anniversary is – no dear I did not give you those gifts out of guilt – just a sense of obligation j/k).

So here is what I think, as soon as the object of your affection walks by today, just give them a good smack on the rump, hell give it a good squeeze, after all what better way is there to say I love you than physical aggression on the derriere.

Check out my latest articles in Motions!

Can’t end a rant on Valentines day w/o a quote from my new visual obsession “Flavor of Love” from VH1... “It’s hard to watch the one you love with another woman…and a big girl at that…Don’t mess with the N.Y. cause I will cut you! (slashing motion)”

3 comments:

Dr. D. said...

Agreed Cali J....V Day is a big rip off!

Pierre said...

HEAR HEAR!!

Anonymous said...

Love, chocolate, and capitalism. Sounds like a truly great day to me.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.