Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Open letter to the other occupant of the apartment...

Dear Roomie:
YOU SUCK. I have been told never to threaten anyone online, so I will not threaten you here. But that trick you played was horrible. To not warn me that the first idiot on the American Idol auditions was going to try and mimic (badly) a reggae entertainer; and to not warn me that the person he would model it after would be Dylan (one of the 5 greatest) was just wrong. But to sit here and observe the emotional pain that I went through while watching that idiot butcher Reggae now that was just cruel AND DAMN FUNNY.

That kid was so horrible I am still a bit in shock as I write to you, I half expected him to bust out a bob sled in the middle of his performance. Have no fear though I will get you back for this stunt…granted the whole “this is what we wear in Jamaica trick” that I played on you probably deserved this payback but I refuse to count us as even, so here is your open challenge the latest round of ‘top this’ has begun. Lock your doors and test your milk. (not threats just suggestions)

If you have not seen the new season of American Idol auditions (the only time to watch that show) you have got to start watching, the latest round of peeps to audition are honestly some of the craziest (possibly fakest) peeps in America.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.