Infrequently updated consistently funny

Friday, December 02, 2005

Well it’s that time of the year...

  • I begin to wonder just when I will fly to the island of my birth

  • Career services gets worked in motions (A new addition this year but will prolly happen again)

  • Notes start getting traded at a feverish pitch

  • And my body fails me: Last night I slept for 8 STRAIGHT hours…for those who don’t know me that might not seem that impressive, but those who know will be shocked. This is the first time in over a year that I have been able to sleep for 8 hours straight…even on sleeping pills I usually wake up at 2-3 hour intervals, which I am sure would be hell on a sleeping partner if I had one…(allow me a moment to lament the sorry state of my life, 1,2,3…damn) I should be with you, why girl why? Oh wait I digress, plus none of you will know who that is for etc or if it’s for you, hell I don’t even know who it is for…I need to steady the ship that is my life. So I fell asleep and slept almost comatose for 8 hours I didn’t even dream which for me is unusual cause damn I have freaky dreams every night (not freaky like – I am having sex with one girl and then her sister jumps in to join us and jiggle body parts and right at the moment of the roller coaster cresting the hill her mom jumps in with the video camera crew to surprise the daughter that she made it on ‘pimp my ride’ and I roll over and make the mistake of saying to the sisters “Damn your mom is fine” but it all works out because it’s a dream so the mom joins us and MTV keeps filming because my stroke is so good that I look like a porn star in the video and it makes me famous because at the crucial moment just before climax I grab hold of the mom and 2 daughters (it’s a dream you can hold multiple peeps with 2 hands) and scream “Come on, feel it, feel it” and ‘Good Vibrations’ plays out as we all lay back in the cut with satisfied looks on our faces – not freaky like that) about cars and stuff. I slept well because my new pharmaceutical of choice promotes wakefulness in the day time so I was active for so long almost 40 hours that my body finally said “It’s time to sleep”

  • The library begins to become packed

  • The smells in the LRC begin to intensify, seriously peeps just cause you are studying is no excuse to abandon personal hygiene

  • I stop working out and let the beer belly completely win for a couple weeks

  • X…becomes scary to approach in person

  • The muscles on my back begin to tighten because of exam stress (oh and believe me there are muscles there, it just looks like there are none)


  • GO HORNS GO! I am sorry for Colorado tomorrow…


Josh said...

Aaron: my friend is accusing me that their is no way I could come up with that dream if not legit

Josh: i think you must have just slept walked into my room last night is all

Lyoness said...

k ur psuedo-dream is RATHER disturbing hun

gigolopete said...

your dream seems to actually be a transferance of an auto-erotic oedipus complex. we studied that shit in torts i think. maybe it was in conlaw, i don't really remember the details. anyway, i think we both know why you talk about the "horns" at the end of that piece.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.