They’ll miss me when I am dead!

     
As my dad re-iterated yesterday, we do not fear death (conviction that we will abide with the Lord upon passing from this plain). It does not mean that I am ready to die now, but I do not fear death. I guess I do however fear the consequences of death. Such as the grief it causes those around, the mess that it can leave behind e.g. the estates, the squabbles, and the possible pain that might come if it were an unpleasant death; like say you were with your wife and your kids are home but y’all decided to take a chance and sneak into the shower for an escapade, then she slips on a bar of soap while your intimately engaged and by doing so she slips to the left pulling you forward and driving your head into the shower head with such force that you bleed out, but because she slipped she is now stuck with a broken leg and a dead husband on top of her and no choice but to call to the kids for help…
     
Anyway to the title of the post: I sometimes have a rather morbid tilt in my way of thinking. This is probably the last extended vacation I can spend in my home country, and I have been well received (the last thing it has been is relaxing but such are the trials of coming down during a major Christian vacation time – the next couple weeks will chill it out I hope) for the most part. Thing is sometimes I look around and realize that some of the peeps I have come to see, do not care to see me as much as I cared to see them or thought I cared because upon touching down and receiving the cold shoulder…I realized that the romanticized version of our friendship I had was just that…a version. My core friends are just that the CORE we are tight, we stick together and we remain true. But many of the outlying friendships, I realize are not what I remembered. One of my friends I had not seen for 6 years, and judging from the emails we had exchanged one would have assumed that our next meeting would be the “Hey how are you doing give me a hug type” while in reality our meeting was the stilted “hey…” “uhmm nice to see you again”
     
I think my priorities in friendship are wrong…or maybe I have become too Jaded again: I tend to break my back reaching out to peeps and when a simple response is not returned it tends to make one harden just another piece of their heart. For instance, my idea is always that if someone comes to visit, you do as much as possible with that person for the short time they are here to the exclusion of the normal riff raff that you get to hang out with everyday because the visitor is the one whose time is precious. For instance when the Princess of the ATX visited (Merry Belated Xmas Z) I took time from the Slave mill and we kicked it and I turned down dinner invites, and it was awesome because I got to kick it with a friend. But, I have noticed that in the cases of Shotta and myself we are getting better responses from peeps we barely know and our core friends, but the out lying groups almost seem like they are trying to keep our drinks chill via their shoulders.
     If it sounds selfish – it is.
Then again it’s prolly all our faults for reaching outside the comforting cocoon that is the ‘Brook.

My brief synopsis of ‘Smirnoff Experience’ since Shotta told me he already blogged about it: Who knew the human body could hold that much alcohol…we need ‘all you can drink’ in SD.

(In arguing with a Lesbian, is it an effective comeback to say: “Choke on a Dick and Die!”?)