Insight to the Cali J, 100mph and self therapy through driving

Just a basic insight into me: I hate losing friends; in fact I really cannot stand losing friends. I will do crazy things to try and keep friends, to the point that I will walk through East Village (home to SDPD’s headquarters and constantly patrolled by cop cars) with a golf club on the way to visit a friends house determined to make sure that should unpleasantness arise from 3rd parties I am ready to ‘play through’.

I cannot always explain what is going on in my mind and heart. I am generally cold and calculating, I agonize over decisions and tend not to be ruled by passion, BUT unfortunately for me, I sometimes have flashes of red hot insanity run through my brain. Let me explain that a little bit, I sometimes after thinking and re-thinking something will suddenly just go with whatever flashes in my mind. For instance one night in the club (without any alcohol in me) I met a young punk that outweighed me by at least 40lbs the guy was really pissing me off, but I knew that under normal circumstances there was no way I could win a fight with the kid so I calmly walked away then suddenly felt myself running through the club and flying at the kid boot first…nothing rational about it I just attacked the guy deserved it, but prior to that I thought I had convinced myself that a fight with him was not going to happen.

That somewhat explains tonight, I knew such a night would come, I knew I had to make the visit and I knew that the visit could be awkward, and potentially bad. I knew all of this while I was walking down the street whistling and pretending that I was Tiger Woods. So what did I do? I arrived at the home and left the club in the car. Why? Because though passion might have flicked in my brain while I was leaving the house and told me to grab the putter, rational thinking said handle it with words when I got out of the car.

BUT, when pissed off I am a crazy man behind the wheel, and I always always take out my anger when driving. If anyone knows the interchange from the 805 to the 15 highway you will know that the sign says take it at 35mph, I took it at 87mph and had to fight like a mad man to rein the car back in AND I LOVED IT. Those tires left a great streak on the road and helped to clear my head, I came out of the curve and punched that car up to a 100 and by the time I got close to home everything was ordered in my head.

Should this have been the last night we ever speak my dear…It was a good run I had fun, I think you did too and no matter what I may have done, at least I stayed honest.

SELAH.