You will love my Halloween costume…or report me!

So like many people I hate Halloween because of the costume search: And like many people I love Halloween because I love to see the costumes. So let me admit that when it comes to creative things like costuming I have no imagination whatsoever, it’s the same reason why I cannot do watercolors of flower arrangements (ok maybe not the same reason – I do like women [Is that too non-PC?] {In case anyone was confused by my lack of candor I am basically saying that I am not gay!} [Amazing that we equate beauty, sensitivity and creativeness with a man being gay – see the irony?]) (Man I have a bad habit of having parenthetical info that is longer than my regular text- back to the story)
     
So I really, really lack imagination. I see other peeps make/imagine costumes and I think to myself, “Man I hope you choke from the fumes of the makeup and face paint that u so artfully drew on your face to make you into Osama Bin Ladin.” Yes I am that bitter a person when I see other peeps. So I went costume shopping with the Sand Assassin aka Pierre and not 2 seconds into our trip SA finds an outfit. Sadly as he reached up to grab the garments I immediately knew what he was going to be. That is how my imagination works, I need a kick start and then everything immediately comes together. So of course now I am even more frustrated because the person I was counting on to help me on my ‘what the hell to get for a costume journey’ has already completed their part of the trip and my car is still stuck in the garage.

Before I go on let me lay some groundwork: I am not a fan of pre made costumes for myself. I like them for others but I prefer to try and create (see above re how effective that is). So I started bouncing ideas off of friends trying to see if some of the ideas I had for costumes were ok. My first costume ideas were abandoned quickly because of cost: Prince, Lil John etc. Then I thought I had a brainstorm which turned out to be a brain fart: I thought why not go as a Katrina victim/looter. You know a wet shirt cut off shorts a 6 pack of heiny, some plywood, a stereo and a flashlight. However, the shock that accompanied that idea every time I mentioned it, plus my own conscience kicking in, caused me to abandon the idea as just a little too tasteless an idea.

However, my final choice was not greeted that much better by the young ladies that I mentioned it to in the store. Actually that is putting it mildly the pair had 2 of the most visceral reactions to something that I have seen, since white people found out that OJ was going to go free. One girl gave me the look of horror and sadness and tried to hastily distance herself from me, kind of like all the peeps that used to hype Milli Vanilli and her partner looked at me and had a look that made me think she was about to cry. Put it this way it was such a bad reaction that SA and I walked out of the costume store immediately. Of course the minute we stepped out of that dingy store (by the way can costume stores look any more like dungeons?) I turned to SA and said “I have to get that costume” SA being the worst person that you can turn to for advice on decency agreed and immediately started adding ideas to make the costume even worse.

Now I know by now if you read through all of this you would want to know what the costume is, and honestly so would I, but like many people I believe that a Halloween costume based on the “Shock and Awe” aspect has to be kept a secret. However, I coined a phrase and my costume has been rated GTO – Guaranteed To Offend. Of course that is assuming that by the time Friday rolls around my conscience has not once again reared its ugly head. I had an attack of guilt today but SA and my bro told me that it was ok and that only the overly sensitive will be offended so here’s hoping!